EJ's Heart
by rpmaluki
Summary: EJ has long denied himself the truth that one woman holds his heart and that woman is Nicole Dimera.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

I hold my breath as she walks into the living room. She is wearing that hideous mauve top with golden piping again, I hate it! The loose fitting is hardly flattering and worse, it overshadows her gorgeous blue eyes. I often find myself lost in them.

Nicole barely registers my presence yet I am the reason she is here in this house with me on a Friday night. Thoughts of her elsewhere enjoying herself without me quickly flash through my mind and anger so uninhibited wells up in me. I am choking from its deathly grip.

My face relaxes to just a frown The realisation that when she is not with me she is with someone else gnaws at me and the thought of Brady Black being that someone only serves to drive me into a wild frenzy but only a crumpled piece of paper falling to the floor bares the brunt of my frustration.

I am the last person she wants to be with, her own husband. I sense my lips moving, my voice rippling through the air but it's nothing significant, anything to ward of depression.

As she speaks I am barely listening to her. She's looking directly at me and that top of hers is speaking louder. I mumble something (father would be so disappointed) just to sound interested in magazine interviews; television appearances; photo sessions etc, all this in the name of my Mayoral campaign. It's the only reason she is back in this house.

It all started with wanting to create a legacy for my children, earning their respect ever since I signed over their custody to their ungrateful mother. Not a day goes by when I am not filled with utmost regret over my actions, my children are no longer carefree when they see me, except little Sydney, my Angel. Had it not been for their mother, I would not have resorted to these extreme measures but with Nicole sitting across from me, I find myself very much glad I did.

I look again at this vision before me, an object of my absolute desire.

"Are you even listening to me? EJ…?" in frustration she moves to pour herself a glass of water.

Yes my sweet I am listening only not to the words spoken from your sweet lips. That purple thing is getting louder and louder. It is a mere millimetres from her soft pale skin. I notice a feature I had missed earlier. Not only is it too loose, its low-plunging backline is quickly making it my most favoured thing in the world. There is more exposed than there is covered and she came to me dressed in that fashion.

"You are not listening!"

I begin to shift somewhat uncomfortably where I sit. My fingers are twitch at the sight of my wife, a knee-jerk reaction at having her so close and yet so far. What are a few steps between us? What can mere clothing do to keep me from her? Nevertheless, I am still planted firmly on this seat.

In the past I did more than just touch her, to feel her beneath my fingers and exploring every contour left bare only for me and not another human being. What of now, I am paralysed, reduced to watch her leave me time and again. Does she know? Can she hear the frantic beating of my heart calling out in the only way it knows how? Perchance I move to stand beside her and she remains still not moving away from me as she is accustomed to doing ever since she became my Campaign Publicist. We are so close, I swear we can charge up a whole city, hell an entire state without even moving. The electricity is palpable and she knows it.

"I am listening," I say and close what ever distance is still between us.

She flutters, good why should I be the only one affected in this room?

"…EJ…how can I do my job…with …you…" she steps back.

"…So close…" I step forward.

She takes another step back and I match her every move. Nicole eventually hits a dead end, she's literally backed herself into a corner, with no where to go I smile. We are practically one as I stand in front of her. Her short breaths warm more than just my skin. My intentions cannot be any clearer than at tha moment. Her deep pools of blue draw me and I am lost.

"…EJ…please…don't. Don't do this, please."

I might have listened had she kept that damn hand to herself. Of all the places to put it; beneath the mountain of clothing I am seared down to my soul. In a moment, the whole world is forgotten. It is just me and her, no father or Taylor, no Sami or Brady, where the past is forgotten and the future is a world away. My lips gently brush against hers and before I can completely lose it, her whispered plea sends me crashing hard and fast.

"…EJ…please…" her hand pushes me back.

Damn it, why now. We are so close Nicole? Why rob a dying man of this sweet nectar of life. I can't, I won't let you go, and not when I am this close to heaven on earth. She is pushing me away but I cannot let her not now, not ever. I press against her and force her to look into my eyes.

"Kiss me." I make my own plea.

Nicole moves as though she hasn't heard me.

"Kiss me!" I ask with a greater sense of urgency.

The gruffness in my voice unrestrained, it sounds more like a command than a request. Our eyes lock. The fire within me explodes back into life. How is this possible? I more than crave her; every fibre of my being yearns for her and she is pushing me away!

"Kiss me Nicole, kiss me now!"

A flicker in her eyes spurs me onwards. Our lips graze lightly at first. I await her rejection certain to taste its bitterness like sand in one's mouth, but nothing. This time her lips meet mine not once, not twice but something reminiscent of a dance, a wildly charged dance of freedom.

She is in my arms. I tower over her but suddenly my body is too small to contain the delicious joy bursting at the seams. It is everything I have dreamed of and everything I long for. She melts into my arms, a perfect fit and I damn near go wild. Without comprehension, I push her against the wall to better support my buckling body.

Does she know the power she holds over me?

3


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"EJ stop!"

"Why, when this feels so good Nicole?"

How I managed to string a whole sentence with all the huffing and puffing going on I don't know. I don't dwell too long on that train of thought as my hand trails up and down the flesh of her back. She is truly divine and enjoying it every bit as much as me.

"EJ I said stop it!" she says, flinging me away from her, breaking the spell that intertwines us.

"I didn't come here for…this. I am here only on a professional capacity, to do a job that I was hired for."

I will change all that soon enough.

"Your body says otherwise, my dear."

She looks at me; her face, an entire novel for my own private perusal. Despite the physical distance she seeks to create between us by standing across the room from me, I know I am right. She is panting, heavily. I see her chest rise and fall with each laboured breath she takes.

"Then listen to my voice, my words, WE are not together anymore! I thought I made that clear."

"Then what do you call what just happened a moment ago?"

"A big mistake, something we both understood would never happen again. EJ I am your employee, not your wife or your girlfriend or someone to have meaningless sex with just because you're feeling randy. We are both past that.

Now do you still need me to prep you for that interview on Monday morning with that snotty little journalist from the Spectator, the one that loves you so much?"

That's my girl. It doesn't take long for her to put a smile on my face. It's one of the things that drew me to her in the first place when we met just three years ago. But now it's back to business. I would hate this all-business-and-no-play side to Nicole if she didn't turn me on right now.

"Don't you worry you pretty little head about that; I've got everything under control. That dim witted blonde won't see what hit once I am through with her."

"Mmm…charming, EJ stop being such a cocky bastard and take this seriously. Candice Simpson will come at you both guns blazing. She's not exactly wet behind the ears you know. She didn't rise to the top of the food chain as the editor in chief of one of the biggest newspapers in the state by batting her eyelids and flashing her pearly whites. Simpson is a shark, she will pounce the moment she smells a single drop of blood in the water and will leave nothing for the scavengers. So please let's get back to work, it's getting late as it is."

"Alright, alright, I promise to be on my absolute best behaviour; no need to get your…uh…knickers in a twist." I know I am pushing her buttons but I can't help it.

Nicole sits before the coffee table and sorts through an assortment of papers and files till she finds the one she wants.

"Now a friend of mine did some digging on Crusty Candy."

A chuckle and puzzled look on my face urged her to explain.

"Well, I called her a shark, not Martha Stewart. This woman has a dirty disposition and I'm not talking about her mouth either. Sure she has a clean, straight image meant for public consumption but everything else is…argh, I have no words for it."

I sit myself beside her, she shift uncomfortably but I ignore it.

"Let me see that. Mmm…interesting, I see nothing about this woman eating her young or her feasting on puppies. Nicole, I can handle myself quite wonderfully when the occasion calls for it. How sweet of you to worry about me, when there is no need. I'm a Dimera; I bite just as hard if not harder.

I'm going to give her something she has never experience in her whole measly career, a candidate that is not apologetic about who and what he is."

"I fail to see how that is going to win you any votes in this town. Everyone knows who you are and the family you come from. Flinging these little facts in their faces will leave them cold. Warm the cockles of their hearts, EJ, don't freeze them to a 100 below.

This lawsuit against John is only just a start, a perfect springboard that has raised your popularity just a bit. I thought you were in for the marathon not the sprint."

"Darling, this little lawsuit is only the beginning. I have plans for this backward town and the people that live in it. I will show them what Dimeras are truly capable of."

"What…the tried and tested OFF WITH THEIR HEADS tactic?" she snorts, it's cute.

"Yes…just less dramatic, but I admit your idea has potential. I was thinking along the lines of smothering them with kindness."

This incited a hearty laugh from my wife. I'm glad I haven't lost my touch either.

"You're kidding right? You're not serious?"

"…Like a heart attack, baby!"

"This I would like to see, the uppity, stuffy EJ Dimera wins over the hearts of Salem, beating his rival AND Brother-In-Law by a landslide. Ha! I can see the headlines now.

Please Mr Dimera, how did you do the impossible? How did 92% of Salemites vote for a suspected mobster, drug-dealer, and stuffy suit like you and leave a former Commander of our police, our former Mayor, Mr Carver in the dust? Was it you charming smile? Or those pink shirts you love so much? Please sir, do tell!"

She thrusts an invisible mic in front of me.

"What the hell is wrong with the way I dress? I will have you know that pink is the new black." I huffed, smitten by her mocking tone regarding my taste in shirts.

"…Yeah, like three years ago. Answer the question mister!"

"…Fine! Well, what can I say? Have you seen this face? How can they not vote for me, all roguish charm, suave persona and oh let's not forget, the English accent, baby. I heard women's knees literally turn to rubber at the sound of my voice. Can I help it if they couldn't resist. Plus I had the most fabulous team working around the clock, helping me realise my dream."

She punched my arm.

"Be serious!"

"I was totally serious; here you are working, going far and beyond what I knew you were capable of. I am being serious when I say that I could not do this without you by my side, Nicole. Father is loath to say what I am not ashamed to share with you. I could have gotten this far without you help, your smart and your dedication.

Thank you Nicole…for everything."

There's an awkward silence suddenly. The mood has changed and Nicole quickly begins to clear the table.

"What are you doing? We are not done yet."

"I think we are, it is late and I need to get home. I will be here on Sunday and just before daybreak on Monday to refresh the questions you most likely will be asked. I will leave Crusty Candy's file with you for extra homework."

Short of forcing her, I cannot make her stay. So I relent as she packs the last of her belongings. I see her to the door where she turns to face me.

"You will do great on Monday, you are right. Candy won't know what hit her. Charm the pants off her!"

I couldn't give a shit about Crusty Candy; it's you I want to charm. But the only words that come out of my mouth are "Thank you Nicole, for everything, for believing in me. It really means a lot."

"Good night EJ"

"Good night Nicole"

4


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

"Where the hell is she? She's already an hour late." Nicole vents.

"Darling, calm down she will be here. It's a poor showing of her professionalism, and here I was looking forward to a challenge Ms Simpson presented me only to be disappointed. I am sure she's not the shark you say she is or else she would have camped outside the gate before sunrise, salivating at the exclusive she is getting."

Perhaps if Nicole saw just how relaxed I was, she would feed off that but she seems to be getting worse with every passing minute. She begins to pace back and forth, looking out the patio doors as if that would will Candy into the materialising in the middle of my living room. It doesn't work but that doesn't stop her.

In stead I sit quietly, watching her, making mental notes on the subtle changes I see in her. It amazes me how familiar I am with everything Nicole and yet I feel as though I don't know the woman. She is as tough as nails but sometimes softer than a cloud. I lov…

"FINALLY, her she comes!" Nicole calls out from the window.

She scrambles towards me and starts fidgeting with my tie. No pink shirt today, as per her orders. As much as I love her hands all over me, not like this. Her nerves are enough to suffocate me.

"Nikki, Nikki, relax okay? It will be alright. We've gone over this like a million times already. We can do this."

"I'm sorry; I must have lost my head."

"…You? …NEVER!" I tease her.

She sighs then gives me half a smile. My heart skips a beat at the gesture. And I take a very deep breath; inhaling her perfume, my favourite; making her a part of me. She walks away to clear the table before Ms Simpson is announced.

Here we are; the three of us. Ms Simpson and I are sitting across one another, I can see Nicole in the corner of my eye; standing just inside my peripheral view. I do my best not to look at her as Candy takes out her note pad and tape recorder.

"I am so sorry again for being so late. I am sure you probably wanted to cancel on me. My boss would kill me if I screwed this up. Let me just say that it is an honour Mr Dimera that you chose The Spectator to do this exclusive interview."

"It's my pleasure." I say, laying on that thick English accent.

She pushes the tape recorder closer to where I sit; all the while my eyes are completely fixed upon her.

"Let's begin.

Now Mr Dimera I am sure you are well aware what's on everyone's mind; people want to know, why are you running for Mayor?"

That's simple enough.

"Well Ms Simpson…"

"Please call me Candice; Ms Simpson makes me sound so terribly old."

"Excuse me…well Candice, the simple truth is that I saw a need, a gross injustice if you will. It doesn't take a great mind to see what has befallen this wonderful country of ours. I know what you are thinking; what does the Brit know about the needs of Americans? I don't claim to be more than I am. As an American, yes I was born in Salem after all, I have eyes to see and ears to hear how the people confined to this town of ours have been suffering under the constrains of the economy.

That despite the recovery as claimed in the greater media, that recovery has not reached small towns such as Salem and many others like it. People are suffering from lack of jobs and any related opportunities and our government is so far removed from its people and the very basic needs of these towns. Our current Mayor has lagged behind in solving these issues. I don't mean to slight him in any way; he is my brother-in-law at the end of the day.

Therefore permit me to call a spade a spade. Salem needs new blood, to bring life back into its streets, its communities, to its people and I am the perfect man to do exactly that."

I see a twinkle in Candice's eye. I am doing great and we haven't even gotten far into the interview.

"Is this where the lawsuit against Mr Black comes in? You are running against your sister's husband, you are suing your uncle; this is family, Mr Dimera. There is a saying; with friends like these, who needs enemies; how are people supposed to respond to that, seeing how you treat, not just your friends, but your own family? Where is the loyalty? You have to understand that it builds a level of mistrust in your candidacy. Don't you think?"

"That is my point. I love family very dearly and they know that but should I sit by and watch this town drown. Mr Carver has failed Salem for years; do I let him continue down this tragic path? And Mr Black has defrauded thousands of honest, hardworking people, so should I let these honest people suffer just because Mr Black is family?

Where is the justice in that, the loyalty Ms Candice? You tell me."

"So this is all for the benefit of Salem, its people?"

"…Precisely!"

"Can you share with us the circumstances surrounding the life and death of a certain young woman by the name of uh…Miss Arianna Hernandez? What was the true nature of your relationship with her?"

"Excuse me but what does this have to do with my client running for Mayor?"

"…Everything, Mrs Dimera."

"Nicole it's alright, I will answer her questions."

"Miss Hernandez was a client of mine, wrongly accused of crimes she didn't commit."

Nicole is fidgeting again.

"She was later released without any charge when the true culprit was apprehended. However, much later, she died from complications of the injuries she sustained after being hit by a car. Unfortunately the culprit in that tragedy has never been apprehended to this day."

"What about a Mr Rogers, Troy Rogers. Does that name ring a bell?"

"I don't know, should it?"

"I have it on good authority that before Mr Rogers was sentenced to a hefty jail term of life-imprisonment; he sang like a canary, in an effort to cut a deal, your name came up. Can you explain?"

"What's there to explain? I don't know the man from a ball of cheese. Can we get back to the reason you are here, Ms Simpson. I don't appreciate this train of questioning; your insinuations are unpalatable for my taste."

"I will get straight to the point. Did you or did you not traffic drugs through our fare streets of Salem? Did you not consequently sell your drug business to a known pimp? Who I might add was arrested on suspicion of beating his 'girls' so violently he left them for dead. A Miss Taylor Walker, sister to your very own wife, knew the man intimately and committed various crimes to diverge and fool the police from doing their job. She was a residence of this magnificent property, was she not? A bit crowded, don't you think Mrs Dimera? I am curious this happy union, where do you actually live? A hotel or here in this house or with Brady Black perhaps, I have lost track."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" I slammed my fist on the table. The bitch was actually had a smirk on her face.

"I REFUSE TO SIT ONE MINUTE MORE AND LISTEN TO THIS DRIVEL; DISRESPECTING ME AND SULLYING NOT ONLY MY NAME BUT THAT OF MY WIFE, HER FAMILY, IN MY HOME!"

"I am only stating the truth, Mr Dimera." She says calmly.

"…EJ…" Nicole's plea goes unheard.

"Woman you sure got some nerve. Either that or you are quite stupid…"

"…EJ! Can I have a WORD with you in private? Please excuse us Candice."

Nicole doesn't even wait for my reaction before I'm on my feet, marshalled out of the living room and closes the door behind her.

"Have you lost your mind? Is that tie of yours so tight, your brain is not getting the oxygen it needs to function? I told you what you were up against and you silly fool, you walked right into her trap."

"Watch it Nicole, I'm not Johnny or Sydney for you to mother about, alright."

"Then stop acting their age. That woman in there is baiting you with nothing but hearsay and speculation. What proof does she have? None, I can assure you. She can't exactly print any of the things she said, regardless of the fact that it's all true. She has no proof, no evidence and as chief editor, she knows this better than anybody.

So calm the hell down. Ms Crusty knows that a Tuesday morning edition retraction against any claims she makes will damage not only her career but the newspaper itself; which would eventually lose her this cushy job. I will sue that heifer; her pretty little head will spin and make sure that not a single print newspaper will touch her with ten-foot pole. I will even make it impossible for her to get a job with those petty free internet news sites that think UFO abduction pieces are Pulitzer Prize contenders.

So pull you socks up Elvis and cut this bitch in half."

She straightened my tie before opening the doors, allowing me to go in first. Crusty said good bye to the caller on the other end of her cell phone.

"Ms Simpson, where were we? Ah yes, apparently I owned and sold a drug business; liaised with not only one but two known criminals, harboured another in this very same house. I am sure I don't need to explain to you what defamation of character means, do I?

You say my name came up when Mr Rogers, a desperate man, seeking to save himself upon meeting the full hand of the law, believed I am certain that my name would be the keys to his freedom. Is he still incarcerated? I can assure you, I don't the man. As to why he would call up my name, desperate times call for desperate measures. My family has had an unpleasant history in this town. Long have we been ostracised, harassed by the police and the good citizens of Salem, as they say without any evidence to these horrendous claims made against my family. Please I urge you to find one shred evidence to all you say I have done that is against the law and I will promptly march myself to the Salem PD this instant.

As to my sister-in-law and her associate, I do not condone their actions. My wife upon learning what had become of her sister (the true nature of Taylor and Quinn's relationship unbeknownst to her) she duly asked me to represent her case. Unfortunately I cannot disclose any privileged information pertaining to my client(s) as I am sure you are very much aware that Mr Hudson and Miss Walker with no records on this side of the Atlantic are free citizens that have broken no law, according to our justice system.

I would advise you to leave my wife out of this. What we have is private and I would appreciate that you respect the sanctity of our marriage. Your misguided presumptions are an affront of the worst kind and it is only because of her I am willing to forget your little statement against her character. You came to the wrong address if gossip is what you seek. My family is not fodder for your perverted consumption.

I agreed to this interview in good faith; to let the people of Salem know what my intentions are and that they are good. I have put my name in the hat because I can Ms Simpson. I have the skills and expertise to run the town better than any predecessor. The people of Salem stand to gain their dignity and their livelihood by electing me as their Mayor.

What has Mr Carver done? He stood aside as his friend embezzled pensions from the very same people that voted for him, no excuse that. Mr Carver didn't actually win his Mayoral office, did he? It was the other guy's untimely death that ushered in this dark period that has befallen our town.

Rather than watch him do so for the next four years; I have raised my hand, making myself available as a true servant of Salem. One who is not going to be idle while his family takes advantage of those unfortunate."

"What's in it for you? Forgive me Mr Dimera but I don't buy any of that."

"Well, Candice I am not selling it. It is a fact and I will be judged by my actions not by hearsay or speculation or trappings of a disgruntle individual with an axe to grind. I am not the type to fall on my sword because it is expected. I am a fighter and I will fight for Salem's independence, prosperity and its future. That is a promise.

I am afraid that is all the time I have. Call my office they will give you an inventory of all Dimera Holdings and Industry. We are above board and pride ourselves in transparency."

"…But I am not done. What about my…" She gasps.

"Unfortunately I am. I am a very busy man who has rearranged a large part of his life to accommodate you. You walked in here an hour late; you insult me and my wife and still expect me to prostrate myself before you like you are some sort of goddess. You may expect that sort of treatment in that little newspaper of yours, from your bottle fed, insipid little twats that pass for journalists, just not here, and certainly not from me.

Now, get off my property!"

6


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

"You're still here?" I ask, pleasantly surprised she didn't follow suit and leave.

"I believe we're done for the day, so I am giving you the day off."

"Kicking me out so soon? I thought we should celebrate. Here…your favourite." She hands me a martini, dirty, just how I like it.

"How did you know?" I ask in mock surprise. She knows me so well, I concede.

"I've got your number, baby." And so much more I might add.

"What are we celebrating?"

"Are you kidding me? Weren't you sitting just over there giving the second most pompous woman in Salem her just desserts, or did I miss that?"

"Oh, you mean that."

"YES, that. Didn't you see her jaw drop to the floor when you kicked her out? It was…priceless; too bad it wasn't caught on camera.

So we are celebrating your triumph…to putting miss-know-it-all in her place, her and the likes of her."

"Don't you mean cutting bitches in half?"

We both laugh at the memory of her pep talk, so unconventional and so perfect at the same time. One minute I had everything under control and the next, it was circling the drain. That damned woman and her interrogation was more than I could take in the heat of the moment. Thankfully Nikki was there by my side.

"…To silencing the know-it-alls and leaving all the self-righteous frothing in their mouths by becoming the new Mayor of Salem." Our glasses ring off a soft click as they touch.

"You know that I couldn't have gotten through that harrowing experience without you, standing there next to me."

"It's funny but I see it differently, half of what she said involved me too. I certainly haven't helped you in that regard. The thing with Arianna…I don't know what got into me. Maybe it's because I felt my world crashing around me, I had already lost you and with Brady…he was all I had left and I wish I could take it all back EJ, believe me."

Why the hell bring up his name.

"I did warn you, when you gave me this job; that I could end up being more a liability to your campaign."

"Now stop it right there. Between you and me who has a more chequered past? I am the last person to look down his nose at you Nicole. I know what you did and I don't judge you."

She takes a sip from her glass and stares out the window. The jovial mood is replaced with sombre reflections of our past, together and apart. What I wouldn't give to crawl inside her head and survey all around me. Her face in knit in a sad frown then a sudden wince before it relaxes again.

What painful image crossed her mind right then to shroud us in further in this uneasy moment. I am tempted to ask but fear grips my heart like a trap in the woods. I need to know, I have to know despite myself.

"What is it Nicole? What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing, nothing important."

I give her a look above the rim of my glass and she concedes.

"If you must know; I was thinking about us, where it all went wrong."

I say nothing; honestly I don't know what to say. Which time is she referring to?

"I was such an ass Nikki. What I did to you with Tay…"

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about our first marriage, where and when it fell apart. We were happy right? It was all good until all my lies finally caught up to me. I just remember feeling so complete living here in this house, unable to fathom why you picked me to be your wife.

I don't remember ever being that happy or that sad. I was living a double life trying to be the wife I thought you deserved, giving you the family you wanted."

"Why are you doing this? It's over and done with Nikki."

"No it isn't EJ. It's with me every damn day. The sadness overwhelms me at times that I can't breathe. Do you ever wonder what she would have looked like by now? I used to dream about her every night, since the day I lost her. Sometimes I could hear her crying somewhere in the house and I would look everywhere and I couldn't find her but I could always hear her cries. They are with me every night. Mommy, Mommy where are you, come and find me.

Our baby girl, ripped from me, without care or thought. In my dreams she has your eyes and your hair, thick with curls…"

I can sense a sting in my eyes, they are glazing over but I am fighting them off. Why is she talking about this now? We were in a happy place five minutes ago, the both us celebrating another victory in my campaign and now this…

"Stop it Nicole, don't do this to yourself; to me. Let's leave the past where it is."

She doesn't seem to hear me.

"You must hate me, Sydney, all the lies! I destroyed so many lives because of my selfishness."

"I don't hate you, I have never hated you. I LOVED you, Syd…our life together. It was near perfection."

She smiles but her face is tinged with sadness I have never seen before. How I wish she would change the subject. I cannot follow her where she is going, that big black hole where I nearly drowned from my own grief, something she denied me and yet wrought it so fully into me, I could barely see straight. My mind went places so grim and dark. It is a miracle I came out alive.

We both did, so I can't understand why now. In the beginning I wanted to know what had happened. I wanted to choke it out of her, to force her to tell my why after what had happened with Grace…but how could she have known, how I would react?

She should have known, she damned well should have known!

"There it is again, THAT look. EJ your lips say one thing but your eyes say something else. You did hate me, I'd be willing to bet you still do and I'm sorry for my part for what I did to you; or what I didn't do. I wish that would undo all the damage done but you gave me no other choice. I wanted so very much to believe in what we had together but I couldn't…"

"…You couldn't TRUST me? Is that it? Our marriage, our life together, falls apart because of something you THOUGHT I might do, because you couldn't TRUST me enough to tell me my baby girl died. She wasn't yours alone, Nicole.

SHE WAS MINE, MINE! And BRADY…my G*d Nicole you turn to him in stead of ME, your husband. And still it is my fault things never worked out. You talk about how I am such a big bad wolf, Nicole devourer of your heart, WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

I know I am shouting at her and it's not helping but she wanted this. She couldn't leave well alone.

"Brady was a friend, you knew that but you, how could I trust you when you threw that shrew, SAMANTHA in my face every damned day, EJ. Long before I came to live with you, SHE was all you thought about, dreamed about and you KNEW how I felt about her and you didn't care.

But that is over now, let's move on." She says a bit calmly, tears streaming down her face.

"I don't think so NICOLE. YOU don't get to play victim with me over our marriage dissolving. Since we married, hell since you moved in here, when did I never show you how I felt for you? You say I never loved you, that I never cared, I say that BULLSHIT and you know it.

If I ever thought about that damnable woman, it was only because she was Johnny's mother and nothing more. If you stopped wallowing in your self pity for more that five minutes you would have known how much I truly loved you.

I don't want to fight you about this. I don't want to hurt you but I don't know what I could have done to make things easier for you, but you never let me in. With Brady it was easy, he was your friend and I was supposed suck it up and take it like a man but you never did me the same courtesy.

I do dream about the child I could have had with you, our perfect little angel. How she would have had your gorgeous blue eyes and a smile that would light up my life that nothing could hurt or ever make me sad. She is gone and I never even said goodbye.

I will never ever know her or hold her in my arms, or comfort her because some boy, unworthy of her, made her cry.

I know I hurt you terribly Nicole but do try to see things from my perspective for once. I can't imagine what it was like for you; maybe it was something akin to the despair I felt. I wish I was there for in the way you needed me but you are right, what is done is done.

Let's move forward from this; taking comfort in knowing that despite the tragic loss and the horrible things we did to each other, we can sit here like civilized people and not allow the anger that is buried deep inside us to destroy what we have come to build between us.

…Something that was perhaps lacking before, trust. I trust you Nicole, with my life and I will continue to do so till the day I die.

I guess the question is do you trust me?"

4


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

For an awkward moment we look into each other's eyes, into our very souls; it's becoming clearer how alike we are. At the loss of our baby, we lost our hearts and our minds.

Nicole, the only real friend I ever had, through pride I had lost her but God has been good enough to bring her back into my life after everything I have done to her. Her power to reel me in is unmatched. The power she wields over me, causing me to drop my guard and just be me, it moves me to think of the freedom she gives me every moment I am with her.

When I met her never knew what real friendship was, what it meant to be accepted despite your past. She taught me there was freedom in being yourself, not meeting everyone else expectation and imposed standards. There is no one on this earth quite like my Nikki.

Growing up was lonely, being the son of not one but two peculiar individuals; true friends were hard to come by. I love my mother dearly but who wants to bring friends over when the house is plastered with Elvis memorabilia? By age nine I insisted on changing my name to John or anything for that matter. I heard her crying that very same night, thinking that I didn't love her.

I went to sleep feeling like the worst son on the face of the planet; I duly had a nightmare that she was taken away from me prompting me to apologize immediately first thing in the morning. We negotiated to EJ for when we had company and back to Elvis when it was just the two of us. With father there was no such negotiation. His word was law.

So friends were definitely in short supply, my pedigree was distasteful to parents all around and therefore their children were to cross to the other side of the road when they saw me. Father always made it known who I was and whose son I was, so they stayed away. However, Nicole didn't.

We struck up a mutually beneficial friendship where we looked out for one another. She was a spitfire when faced with those who looked down their nose at her. Despite her past she rose above it and showed Salem a thing or two and I loved it.

Even when father breathed down fire and brimstone, she didn't flinch. She stands her ground and shows him how formidable she truly is. I know he is loath to ever admit that she is precisely the daughter he wants. Although he loves my sister very much, she is less of a Dimera due to the man she calls her husband.

There were times when Lexi was every bit a Dimera as me or father but that fire was always quenched by Abe Carver's love for her, so she stays the 'good' girl for his sake.

Nicole IS the daughter he's always wanted, through me and I plan on keeping it that way. I know she wants out of this marriage. It's been months since she moved out of her home, into the arms of Brady but she assures me that they aren't together anymore. How I would love to wring his little neck and leave him for the vultures to feast over but I don't need another reason for Nikki to hate me or worse, to have her mourn over that useless pathetic individual. He is not worthy of her.

"…Trust, I am here aren't I?" her sweet voice calls me back to reality.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Actually no, I don't know. Enlighten me."

What do I mean? Should she trust my love? That burnt out years ago. Should she trust me to be there for her, to care for her? I used her and threw her aside as nothing, only to laud Taylor over her. At first it was Samantha and then Taylor, others had come before her and yet I am asking her to trust me. Her mother is dead and still I ask her to take a leap of faith in what…?

"I am a different person when I am around you. You keep me honest and I need that in my life. I need you in my life."

"How am I supposed to take that? Didn't our first marriage teach you that it's not possible? This current version has done nothing to change that. In fact I am more aware now that we are not good together EJ. We never were. We bring out the absolute worst in each other. We hurt each other and that's not normal for a relationship."

"It doesn't have to be that way anymore, that's what I am saying. I have changed, Nikki. I know where I have gone wrong and I want to try again."

"Do you really? So what, we brush everything under the rug like it never happened; pretending I didn't hurt you and you didn't hurt me? As interesting as a fresh start is EJ, you right, only we both have changed, not just you.

What about love?

I want to be loved, truly and deeply and you don't seem to hear me when I say this. It's easy for me to fall back into our old life where the sex is AMAZING and believe that to be enough but not anymore."

"There's nothing wrong with having a healthy, vigorous sex life darling; why fault us when we thrive on it."

I purposefully look her up and down, removing each item of clothing. She's wearing a grey pant suit and high heeled shoes that stretch her legs for miles. I would see them for myself if she would let me touch her but I will be good a while longer. I am learning to be a very patient man but there's only so much I can take.

"I guess not, if it's a fling I want but I want more EJ, don't you?"

I want…. I imagine pulling down her jacket and tossing it by the fireplace…

"I meant it when I said longed to have a love as pure as that of the Hortons, I haven't changed my mind."

I long to have you standing before me as I pull off those pants and…

"I want to hear someone tell me how much they love me…"

I want to hear you say my name as rip open that starched shirt, to hear you say you want me just as much as I want you right now. You are driving me wild with a desire so raw and untamed. You're a siren, my Nicole I cannot resist.

"Stop undressing me with your eyes!" She snaps.

"Too late, sweetheart." I give her a knowing smile.

She touches her hair, clearly embarrassed…good. I take a step towards her. She doesn't turn away, an invitation on her part.

I am miles away as I lay her on the plush rug by the fire, stripping her completely of her delicates, everything but those heels. She is so beautiful; my hands, desperate to know her form refrain from doing their job and only with my eyes do I envision a sight so magnificent I can hardly breathe.

She looks at me, aware of everything transpiring within me, she joins me. I stand to my full height, allowing her to same honour she has given me.

"No, no, no don't look away Nicole." I take hold of both her upper arms and look deep into her eyes.

"Don't deny yourself the truth of this moment. We both want the same thing, each other."

"You are right; I do want you, more than I care to admit even to myself but…"

"No buts Nicole, this is all that matters; here and now with my arms wrapped around you. You said you wanted this, well I am giving it you and you alone."

"…Not like this…"

"Exactly like this, Nikki. Tell me honestly that this doesn't feel right, you and me? Do you know what it feels like to me? ...Like I'm home after wandering this desolate world and finding no place to rest. I have finally come home, where I belong."

I can feel her resistance begin to crumble. This is my chance.

"I have imagined making love to you a million ways to Sunday since you walked through that door the day I offered you this job. You make me deliriously happy every time I see you. You are my best friend and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Stay with me?"

"I…uh, I'm sorry EJ but I can't."

"You can't or you won't? Which is it?"

Come on Nicole, stop thinking and just go with what you feel, I know you feel the same; I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. I can hear it in your voice when you speak, I can feel it in your arms

"Does it matter? You don't love me. All I know is I am through settling for far less than what I want. I am sorry EJ but I want more than this."

I kiss her, my tongue plunging deep into her, seeking solace, affirmation from her and I am not disappointed. She pulls me down to her and takes all I am offering her. I allow her to take the lead, finally!

Off with the dull jacket; one down, and four to go. I pull off my own, helping her along. I make a note that it's different to how I imagined five minutes ago but what does it matter? Her gentle hands on my chest cause a rippling sensation to shoot through my body from my head to my toes and a laugh escapes from my throat into her welcoming mouth. It's perfect, perfect bliss.

As my hands shift to unbuckle her trousers, a discouraging moan stops my blood cold.

"Yes," I say.

"No!" she insists. "No EJ, not this time, not anymore. You DON'T love me and I am tired of lying to myself."

Her words are a swift kick to the gut and leave me speechless. She pulls herself free from my arms. I reluctantly let her go. She buttons the top most button of her shirt, symbolic of her newly found independence. I DON'T love her? How could she believe that? How can she have it all so wrong? She is the air I breathe, the life that flows through my veins. Without her I cease to exist. How can she not know this?

Images of two women flash through my mind and I begin to see.

"It's over between us EJ; it's been over for months. Please stop trying to convince me otherwise, it won't work. I have enjoyed working with you during this campaign but it is here that I draw the line, so please don't ruin this for the both of us. Stop threatening my freedom or else I will walk and I mean it this time."

She kisses me on the cheek and wishes me a great day. Before I can come to my senses, I find I am left alone in my living room yet again and this time I am bereft and have no one to blame but myself.

It's later in the day and I check my cell phone for messages. There are several but only one that I am interested in.

'Mr Dimera, you told me to call you and alert you the moment Mrs Dimera met with Mr Black. They are having lunch together at Chez Rouge."

My man had left several similar messages asking for further instructions. Damn it! That was hours ago. That incompetent imbecile, he should have made contact with me the second he knew where she was going.

What would I have done otherwise? As futile as I know berating my self over something I had no control over is, I can't help but feel gutted to the core. It cut real deep to know that my wife was dining with another man but more so because she didn't believe I loved her.

How could things spiral so out of my control? I had her and I WAS happy and now… As I look at the photographs above the mantelpiece, I can feel my blood begin to boil. I threw it all away for what…a five second thrill with her SISTER? Blinded by my frustration I punch the wall above as though it were punching bag, soft and malleable with my despicable face plastered on it.

"Was it worth it, you STUPID FOOL?" I ask the reflection in the mirror, while trying to ignore the crippling pain shooting through my hand. I look up and see blood on the spot when my fist had hit.

I have broken my hand.

5


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

"What is this? Why are you sitting in the dark?"

Bloody hell, it's father, I didn't expect him till tomorrow.

"Switch on the lights Elvis it's not like we're poor and can't pay the bills. It's freezing in here, what is wrong with you?" He flicks the switch next to the door.

"It's nothing father, I must have dozed off for a minute."

"…With drink in hand? How much did you drink?"

"…Not enough, I promise you." I say ignoring the now empty bottle lying on the table.

"Where are the servants, where is Mary?" he fumes. It took all of two minutes to raise his blood pressure.

"I s-sent them all…uh…away for the night." The slur in my words is hard to miss; another spike in blood pressure.

I clumsily gulp down the remaining contents of my glass before putting it back on the table; the bloody thing slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor before I could catch it. Too bad I tried using my now crippled hand, which up until then had been hidden from view. Now there it hung, too heavy to lift, for my father's own viewing pleasure. He's sure to love this turn of events I am sure.

"Now what in the hell happened to your hand? No, let me guess, Nicole happened."

I feign ignorance, something that is increasingly becoming difficult with every passing second of this day. It had been a full seven minutes since I last thought of her and to hear my father call out her name with contempt is raising my blood pressure; plus my hand is beginning to itch furiously.

"…My G*d Elvis, when will you ever learn? How many times will this viper have to strike before your realise how deadly she is. You are not a child anymore, long gone are the days when your stubbornness got you what you wanted. Nicole is not some pet to amuse yourself with, she is wild and poisonous. Man who play with snakes end up bitten."

"Oh I am s-sorry f-f-father, I fear I am past my bedtime; as much as I would love to s-sit and listen to your horror s-stories of the woman in my life."

"Look at you! This is not the son I raised. You disappoint me Elvis, grrreatly so!"

"I dis-sappoint you? …A thousand apologies then."

"Pull yourself TOGETHER!"

"Uh…I'm sorry father can you speak a bit louder, I don't think the neighbours heard you the last time." I laugh out loud and snort, which only leads to more laughter and snickering, besides my better judgement. I know how angry I am making him.

"Do you see what that woman has reduced you to, a blubbering idiot and a drunk? I tried to warn you but you didn't listen. You deliberately disobeyed me now look. Count the number of times have I warned about Nicole. I warned you not to marry her and bring her back into your life."

For the life of me I'm still laughing.

"You thought having her work as your publicist is the smarted thing you have ever done, now look at you; sitting and drinking alone in a dark room with a broken hand while she's seen about town with the likes of Brady.

Yes, I know everything! She is making you into the fool you are for letting her worm her way back into your life. And like a worm she will leave you as dry as bones, she's already started her handiwork."

My laughter, sadly, rings hollow and paints an even grimmer picture of how far things have fallen apart for me, the great EJ Dimera. I keep on laughing, unable to stop myself to my father's disgust. He promptly turns to leave me to my own twisted devices.

"Fire her Elvis, for your sake. Get rid of that girl before she destroys you completely!"

The itching has become worse, gnawing at what ever sanity I have left. My father's words taste bitter in my mouth. I see the wisdom in them but he can't be right, he just can't be.

I have seen into the abyss of my life and the only brightness I found is HER! How can I rid myself of her? I could no sooner cut out my own heart. She is my elixir of life.

"I am s-sorry father but I cannot do that, I won't do it."

I stand to pour myself another drink, the night air is filled with the age-old brandy and the clinking of decanter to glass. My left hand is shaking from the unfamiliar movement.

"Bollocks!" I exclaim in anger.

I am angry at my impotent hand, the fact that I am too drunk and just not drunk enough to forget (and very grateful I can't). I am angry at father, at Nicole they are both right and they are both wrong. But mostly I am angry at myself and too drunk to really know why.

After several failed attempts at pouring, I take the whole bottle upstairs.

2


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"…EJ!"

I hear someone, they're blaring my name from a distance. I bury my face into the pillow.

"…EJ!"

"Mmm… go away!"

"EJ, get up. Half the day is already gone and we've got work to do." She walks around the bed to face me. Her steps towards me are as a heavy duty compacter beating hard into the ground.

"Go away Nicole, can't you see I'm half dead already, just shhh and let me lie down a while longer in peace."

She leans down to my face. I can taste her breathe on my skin, sweet.

"Oh my G*d, you smell like a brewery. You're hung over aren't you?"

"Shhh! Nicole, didn't you read the sign on the door?"

"What sign? Mary says you haven't left your room at all today and every time she comes knocking you've bellowed at her and frightened her away, threatening to fire her if she knocked one more time.

I got tired of waiting downstairs for you. Your father isn't exactly my biggest fan and he seemed to be particularly miffed today. Seeing you like this, I now know why, although I don't understand what would give him the idea that I had something to do with this."

"Then go away and leave me alone because you certainly aren't needed here." I turn to face away from her.

"No you don't mister. I am serious, we need to work. The elections are right around the corner and we need to hone in your speech giving skills, so don't you turn away from me, EJ Dimera."

She moves away from the side of the bed. Finally I can…

"Damn you Nicole (that alone is enough to take a sledge hammer to my frontal lobe), I didn't ask you to come up here in my private sanctuary, let alone my house."

She has snatched the covers from my bed without looking and dumped them on the far end of the room.

"You didn't have to ask. You pay me well enough to take certain liberties…Oh G*d! What happened to your sheets, they are covered in blood? YOU'RE covered in blood!"

…And naked! She averts her eyes quickly.

"Thank you but I'm well aware of that little fact. I guess I didn't wrap my hand tightly enough, last night."

I am suddenly aware of the situation, just as she is but my bleeding hand is a perfect distraction for her.

"So you've been bleeding since last night?"

"Oh no, last night I was perfectly fine, it's this morning that is not accounted for. I did pass out from drink; at least I think I did."

'What the hell happened to you?"

"I cut myself."

"…With your left hand?"

"For goodness' sake yes, Nicole, now enough with twenty questions already!"

I try to lift my body off the bed. It's proving to be a mission impossible. I only manage to turn and lie on my back. I have a killer headache, a hand that doesn't work in the least, half of my body in numb either from the pain emanating from my hand or from the effects of some really good brandy. I smile.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

It's amazing; she's not even looking at my face to know that I am.

"You're bleeding half to death and will continue to do unless I take you to hospital."

My smile broadens although it hurts like hell.

"EJ, come on we need to leave right now."

"I would love to darling but for one tiny little problem, I can barely move let alone jump off this bed and rush off to the hospital with you. It pains me to say this but I've become an invalid."

"Bullshit, you're just saying that because you think I'm going to jump at the chance to…to…you know what I mean."

"No I don't. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I'm not doing this. You are madder than a hatter if you think I am coming anywhere near that bed."

She picks up my trousers from the floor and flings them over her shoulder. They land askew on the bedpost, lucky shot.

"Nicole I am being serious, you are going to have to help here."

"…Oh no, I am not; I'll go get Mary or Thomas."

"Like hell you are. And what is so wrong with you helping me, we are husband and wife after all. As I recall you have never had issues taking off my clothes before, Nikki. There is nothing here that you haven't seen before, nothing here that you haven't touched before, nothing here that you haven't…kissed before."

The tips of her ears are glowing, a glorious shade of strawberry. I love it.

"So stop worrying your pretty little virtuous self, I'm not going to ravage you while handicapped and covered in blood. What sort of a man do you take me for?

Turn around and help me get ready so we can leave before I lose any more blood than I already have."

Reluctantly she turns to face me, her eyes fixed rigidly on my face. How cute of my wife, defiant to the end.

"You dare try anything; I swear to you I will have Mary up in here so fast, you'd wish you had bled all the way to dead, understand me?"

"Of course," I smirk.

She knows I am enjoying every minute of this but there is nothing she can do to change it, even her threat is empty and she knows it.

"Anyway, I should be the one worried here. I am the one lying helplessly naked on this huge bed. How do I know you won't take advantage of me in my time of need?"

She gives me a venomous look, meant to scare me off, I'm sure. Despite the pain I laugh while she fumes. What a pair we make.

"I know I'm going t regret this, I just know it," she mutters to herself as I force her to lean forward over me to remove my pants from the post.

I can feel her body shake as she tries her damnedest not to touch me. Which is moot since how else is she going to dress me? I couldn't do it with one hand and I wasn't certain now that I had in fact lost far more blood than I let on. The bed was still soaking wet.

"Maybe you should pull me upright so that I am sitting instead of laying her, if that will help." I chip in, somewhere between her "I can't do this," and a very vocal, "You are doing this on purpose, aren't you!"

"Shut up and let me work," she snapped at me.

"I was only trying to be helpful."

"…Then shut it or it's you and Mary," she huffs.

All this time, her eyes haven't left mine. It's like the blind leading the blind. She won't look to see what, she's doing. I can't see past her heaving bosom. Up and down it goings with each breath she takes.

"Uh…wrong hole…" the words slip out of my mouth unchecked.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, do you want to do this yourself? As much as the pay is really good; I am NOT paid enough for this." She walks away.

"Nikki, come back. I am sorry. It was a bad joke. I am really sorry, okay? So please don't go. I really need you… to finish here so we can go. I am starting to feel a bit light headed. Please…"

I can see on her face there are a million other places more desirable than the inside of our bedroom at the moment. She labours through and I can see she is as bloody as I am. She tries to lift me up to my feet all by herself but I am too heavy so I use what ever strength I have left to push her away. I can at least stand on my own. That lasts about a millisecond before I begin leaning forward involuntarily. Fortunately for me she had not moved too away, she catches me before that honour is passed on to the floor.

"Darling, I think you better go get Thomas up here after all."

That was the last I remember before waking up in hospital, with Lexi's worried brow hanging over me.

I try to lift my body off the bed. It's proving to be a mission impossible. I only manage to turn and lie on my back. I have a killer headache, a hand that doesn't work in the least, half of my body in numb either from the pain emanating from my hand or from the effects of some really good brandy. I smile.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

It's amazing; she's not even looking at my face to know that I am.

"You're bleeding half to death and will continue to do unless I take you to hospital."

My smile broadens although it hurts like hell.

"EJ, come on we need to leave right now."

"I would love to darling but for one tiny little problem, I can barely move let alone jump off this bed and rush off to the hospital with you. It pains me to say this but I've become an invalid."

"Bullshit, you're just saying that because you think I'm going to jump at the chance to…to…you know what I mean."

"No I don't. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I'm not doing this. You are madder than a hatter if you think I am coming anywhere near that bed."

She picks up my trousers from the floor and flings them over her shoulder. They land askew on the bedpost, lucky shot.

"Nicole I am being serious, you are going to have to help here."

"…Oh no, I am not; I'll go get Mary or Thomas."

"Like hell you are. And what is so wrong with you helping me, we are husband and wife after all. As I recall you have never had issues taking off my clothes before, Nikki. There is nothing here that you haven't seen before, nothing here that you haven't touched before, nothing here that you haven't…kissed before."

The tips of her ears are glowing, a glorious shade of strawberry. I love it.

"So stop worrying your pretty little virtuous self, I'm not going to ravage you while handicapped and covered in blood. What sort of a man do you take me for?

Turn around and help me get ready so we can leave before I lose any more blood than I already have."

Reluctantly she turns to face me, her eyes fixed rigidly on my face. How cute of my wife, defiant to the end.

"You dare try anything; I swear to you I will have Mary up in here so fast, you'd wish you had bled all the way to dead, understand me?"

"Of course," I smirk.

She knows I am enjoying every minute of this but there is nothing she can do to change it, even her threat is empty and she knows it.

"Anyway, I should be the one worried here. I am the one lying helplessly naked on this huge bed. How do I know you won't take advantage of me in my time of need?"

She gives me a venomous look, meant to scare me off, I'm sure. Despite the pain I laugh while she fumes. What a pair we make.

"I know I'm going t regret this, I just know it," she mutters to herself as I force her to lean forward over me to remove my pants from the post.

I can feel her body shake as she tries her damnedest not to touch me. Which is moot since how else is she going to dress me? I couldn't do it with one hand and I wasn't certain now that I had in fact lost far more blood than I let on. The bed was still soaking wet.

"Maybe you should pull me upright so that I am sitting instead of laying her, if that will help." I chip in, somewhere between her "I can't do this," and a very vocal, "You are doing this on purpose, aren't you!"

"Shut up and let me work," she snapped at me.

"I was only trying to be helpful."

"…Then shut it or it's you and Mary," she huffs.

All this time, her eyes haven't left mine. It's like the blind leading the blind. She won't look to see what, she's doing. I can't see past her heaving bosom. Up and down it goings with each breath she takes.

"Uh…wrong hole…" the words slip out of my mouth unchecked.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, do you want to do this yourself? As much as the pay is really good; I am NOT paid enough for this." She walks away.

"Nikki, come back. I am sorry. It was a bad joke. I am really sorry, okay? So please don't go. I really need you…to finish here so we can go. I am starting to feel a bit light headed. Please…"

I can see on her face there are a million other places more desirable than the inside of our bedroom at the moment. She labours through and I can see she is as bloody as I am. She tries to lift me up to my feet all by herself but I am too heavy so I use what ever strength I have left to push her away. I can at least stand on my own. That lasts about a millisecond before I begin leaning forward involuntarily. Fortunately for me she had not moved too away, she catches me before that honour is passed on to the floor.

"Darling, I think you better go get Thomas up here after all."

That was the last I remember before waking up in hospital, with Lexi's worried brow hanging over me.

6


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

"Aahhh, finally; you're awake." My sister, the doctor, says.

"You gave me and our father one heck of a fright, do you know that? What were you thinking punching a brick wall, EJ?

You have what we term a brawler's fracture. The middle bones connecting your little finger and your ring finger to the wrist are broken. You suffered minor fractures on your other two fingers, but that's the only good news I have unfortunately.

Your broken fingers were misaligned heavily and you did cut your hand, which isn't typical but it does happen. The fact that it took you this long to finally receive medical attention accounts for the unnecessary massive blood loss. Mary almost fainted when she was finally allowed back into your room and saw all that blood.

Father hasn't stopped shouting at everybody, even though I told him Nicole got you here just in time. You have been in and out of consciousness for the last thirty minutes or so. A blood transfusion was necessary.

So how do you feel?"

"Where's Nicole?"

"She's outside. She is fine EJ, I promise you."

"Please send her in."

I hear my sister sigh in resignation. I seem to be aggravating everyone around me.

"I know things have been tense between us since the mayoral race began EJ, but please can you not be so quick as to kick out you big sister out."

"I am sorry Lex; it's not what I meant. It's just that…"

"I know…father. He just about chewed my head off telling me how Nicole will ruin you."

She looks at me but I only stare back blankly. I already know the words that will come out of her mouth. It is the one time her and father ever agreed…on anything Nicole Walker related.

"He's right you know. I'm so glad you are okay but EJ…"

"I know you and father mean well but would it kill the both of you to let me live my life as I see fit, just this once?"

"We love you, you know that right; what is that love worth if I just sit by and watch you go through heartache again, because that is what she will bring. It's the only thing she knows how to do and she's got a proven record. Eric Brady; Lucas Roberts; Brady Black…you, the list goes on EJ and she won't stop just because you think you are some kind of kindred you and her.

She will walk all over you just like last time. That woman out there has done more against you than I can bear to witness."

"What about me, then? You forget my dear sister that I am no saint. What do you call what I did with Taylor? Nicole was nothing but a devoted and loyal wife to me until I ruined things by taking up with another woman. Isn't that an example of walking all over Nicole's heart? She didn't deserve that in the least."

I tried to emphasise the last sentence to make her understand but the drugs in me nullified the passion I felt at that moment.

"At least with Taylor, you would have been happy. You were happy. You seemed freer to me whenever I saw. I knew it was Taylor all along. When ever Nicole's name came up, you face sour like someone fed you lemons. You can deny it all you want because you think Nicole is the best that you can do for yourself but I know little brother.

I don't mean to hurt you in anyway, that is why I'm telling you this now before you are in too deep."

"Oh Lexi, you got it so wrong, exactly like I did. I was falling back in love with Nicole, long before I knew what was going on. When I met Taylor, I admit she was something different, new but what I felt for her was nothing compared to what I felt for my wife.

When I was with Taylor I tried to suppress what I felt for her sister by embracing something that repulsed me but I was just so shit scared of my real feeling because just like you and father I knew what Nicole had done to me, the extents of her betrayal. It scared me like hell how I could fall so deeply for her yet again. I tried to reason with myself, pointing to every excuse to walk away, nothing worked until Taylor showed up.

She offered me the perfect solution. Unfortunately I took it so far that I wasn't aware how truly effective my little game was. Nicole did find out about Taylor and you would think I jumped for joy when the truth came out. I didn't; I was repulsed by my own actions because I was a coward. I am a coward; but I will make things right again, even if it takes a lifetime. I will undo the damage I caused to that woman out there. Who has shown me more kindness than I deserve."

"My G*d you are crazy. Father won't like this one bit. I don't like this at all, but you are right, this is your life and only you can live. Like any big sister, my first instinct is to protect you; even from yourself but if this is what you truly want. I will step aside and keep my I TOLD YOU SOs to myself."

"It's not much, but it's certainly more than I expected, thank you Lexi.

Now can you please send my wife in here?"

She rolled her eyes but I knew she wouldn't deny me. She stood and went to the door; and stuck her head outside for a second before turning to face me.

"You need rest so please don't let her stay too long, no matter what. I would prefer you stayed at least until tomorrow but if you insist which I know you will, I can discharge you as early as this afternoon only if you rest enough. Are we clear?

Nicole walks in before I can give Lexi my answer.

"Are we clear EJ?"

"Yes doctor, now get out of here."

Silence fills the room to overflow after Lexi closes the door behind her, leaving the two of us alone.

"So I hear you punched a wall."

The truth is out now. I don't see how I could have hidden it from her.

"So your hand is going to be out of commission for how long?"

"I didn't ask but I imagine it will be weeks before it's back to normal again."

We clock in some more of the awkward silence. Neither of us was ever good at small talk, so the experience is draining. I have so much to tell her but I am afraid to begin. I can see the inner workings of her mind in her eyes. She knows what happened but I can sense she is afraid to ask me, afraid of what my answer will be.

"Thank you for saving my life, yet again. You are making a career of this."

Instead she looks at the machines beside my bed. I flinch at the memory of the last I was in hospital, She had saved my life but at a cost to her. The memory of another time I hospital conjures up disgust for myself, the greatest pain I inflicted upon her, the death of her mother. She finally looks at me and I know we are thinking the same thing.

"Go ahead and ask me I know you're dying to know?"

"I'm not dying of anything; therefore I have nothing to ask."

"Come on Nicole, we have been dancing around this for weeks now, this is your opportunity to get some answers. Your curiosity is drowning you, even in this very room right now. Yes, I punched a wall. Yes, it was because of you, because you were with him instead of me.

Yes, you were with Brady instead of me, your husband. So I punched a wall because it asked for it. Are you satisfied?

I feel like I am being punished Nicole, for you."

She takes a deep breathe before addressing me.

"First of all we are not husband and wife and haven't been so for months. And secondly, what did you think was going to happen when hitting that wall? Thirdly you are not being punished and certainly not by me. Things happen in life EJ; that we have no control over, our feelings, the circumstance we find ourselves in; nothing is ever planned and it certainly never goes according to plans.

I can attest to that as much as you or anybody. It doesn't mean the universe is out to get you. You did a stupid thing but you're still alive. I take that as a good sign, don't you; and please mention Brady one more time and I will throttle you and finish you myself."

She pulls up a chair beside me and I couldn't be happier.

"So what did the 'good' doctor say?"

4


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

It is Thanksgiving and typically I am by myself in this big old house. Father and Kate are in London, visiting with Billie and her daughter. I have sent the staff home early since the weather is promising to worsen over the weekend. According to the weather channel, we should expect severe conditions this weekend.

All I can do is work, not so easy with the one hand but I am making progress. I am thankful for technology; I don't need both of my hands to make it work. I am perusing through a collection of articles covering the elections and I am quite impressed with myself. Apart from Crusty Candy's 'piece' weeks ago, the media love me.

I did cause a bit of a storm in a tea-cup when the true cause of my injury came out.

"You need to tell people the truth, let them decide for themselves what to make of it. You're human like the rest of them. You don't exactly have ice flowing in your veins, so let them see that." She said a day after I was discharged from the hospital.

I look outside my window and all I see is white. It's already started. I check on the fire wood, to make sure I have enough. Thomas had already checked on the back-up generator, in case of a black-out; which seems a likely possibility.

"Please folks stay in doors where possible. The roads have become quite dangerous and we advise people to seek shelter since the worst is yet to come.

There has been a roll out of power outages already upstate, Salem will be next in line. So don't gamble with your lives thinking you will beat nature, remember the house always wins.

This is DJ Fresh coming to you live from WTSP! KEEPING IT REAL!" I push the power button shutting out that annoying sound.

"…Idiot!" I say to myself.

Someone rings the doorbell as I am sipping some Cognac.

"Bloody hell!" I have spilled half of it down my favourite shirt.

Someone's out the door, at this G*d forsaken hour? One of those countless citizens encouraged by the idiot to go 'seek shelter' where ever they could. Blast it; this is private property how did they make past the gate?

"Who is it?" I ask in my most unwelcoming tone which is not so different from my regular tone.

"Would open the damn door I don't have my keys anymore and I am freezing!"

…NICOLE!

I scramble to open the door but stop short before turning the lock so I can regain my composure.

"What are you doing here, in this miserable weather?"

My voice is dripping with sexy as she used to say when I was trying to get into more than her pants, when we were happy. It was easy to seduce her with just my accent. At one time she had me read a telephone directory (WTF!) she loved every second of it.

"Are you just going to leave me standing out here or will you let me in?" she blows cold air as she speaks.

"I'm so sorry, please come in; come in. Here let me get your coat."

I remove the coat and throw it on the table by the coat closet. I am so impatient to get back her.

She's sitting by the fire, her long legs stretched out to receive some of its warmth and I am jealous.

I pour her a glass of brandy after I refill my own.

"…Here?"

Her face turns green, on odd colour especially by the fire light.

"Oh, no thank you; not on empty stomach. I am starving!" she exclaims

I put the glass above the fireplace, "Sadly you're out of luck, there's no body here, and I sent everyone home for the holidays."

"Oh crap! I was looking forward to Manuel's cooking; maybe you can go into the kitchen and whip something up for us?

Jeez, I'm only kidding. You don't have to do anything. I brought us both something to eat, together. My goodness, EJ, you looked like you had seen a ghost or something."

I playfully push her to show how much I appreciated her little jest.

"Good, because I can tell you now my skills in the kitchen leave much to be desired. They are not something to write home about."

"Neither are mine, remember!" she says as she unpacks take away turkey from Chez Rouge.

I pull up a chair right beside her by the fire as we eat in silent. The silence is soothing, nothing but the crackling fire before us. This is the first time we have spent time together outside of work and I didn't have to twist her arm. She came on her own. She drove here all on her own!

"Nicole what in the hell were you thinking driving alone in THAT! You could've have been stranded somewhere in some ditch, injured and alone!"

"Whoa, hold your horses buddy, I knew what I was doing plus my tires are chained."

"That is not enough, how could you risk your life in this manner."

"I knew you would be alone and…oh forget I bothered. I'll do better than think of you next time!" she huffed in that adorable way I love so much.

The thought suddenly makes me smile, she was thinking about me. She drove all this way from across town for me.

"No, don't, I'm really glad you're here with me; I'm flattered."

Dare I hope that she is here for the whole weekend? I didn't see anything except the bags from Chez Rouge. I am disappointed but not so much since she is in fact here, with me.

We sit down to on the floor to enjoy our non-traditional turkey dinner. I had grabbed every cushion I could find to make her more comfortable on the hard floor. We talk about the kids and how we both miss them terribly. Samantha had insisted they spend the holidays with her family, now that their other grandparents were back in Salem

I wanted to protest, but she and her snivelling tit of a husband ganged up on me pulling out the custody agreement of how I can only spend time with my own children as per their consent. Legally they could keep me away; the agreement was air-tight. How could it be anything less when I drew it up myself while under the influence?

The entire time I was with Taylor is exactly that. I gave up my children under some misguided idea that they would be safer with Samantha, the shrew. I could easily claim I wasn't in my right mind when I signed them away.

After dinner, the silence engulfs us. It's not as easy as I thought it would, being alone with her. In the past we found ways to pass the time together, my body is anticipating the very same outcome despite my determination to clear my mind.

Just to add the cherry on top, the lights go out. Salem has gone dark; I couldn't have scripted this situation better even I could. We both jumped to our feet. It thrilled me that she unconsciously flew into my arms, a place of safety, albeit, temporarily.

"Oh G*d, I knew it, I just knew this was going to happen" she says, pulling away from me.

"Nicole, don't worry. I will have the generator working in no time. You know where the candles are, right? You'll be alright when I leave you to check if I can get the power back?"

"GO, before I freeze to death." she pushed me."

I leave before she can sense my disappointment. Ten minutes later I come carrying more fire wood. The candle-lit living room is so inviting especially with her standing by the fire. I drop the drop the timber beside the fireplace, startling her back to the present.

"I thought you said the generator, was working?"

"It was, this morning; I guess it ran out of gas or something because I can't get to work now. I'm going to have to tote more firewood in hear to ward off the cold. Why don't to have a drink, it will warm you up much quicker than the fire and I get the wood."

I come back and her glass is still sitting untouched. She is standing by the fire even though fresh logs were added to get it roaring again. She doesn't see me but I can see the cold is really getting to her; she's wrapped her arms around herself. Without thinking, I move to encircle my arms around her.

"Don't…" she protests and tries to free her self from me but I won't budge.

"You're cold, swallow your pride this once and let me help you. You get to save my life, but I am not allowed to keep you warm."

"You saved me remember, with Psycho Gus?"

"It doesn't count, I only picked you off the floor, so let me do this for you. I want to and I promise no tricks this time."

I hold her as tight as I could without inciting any further protestations from her. I can tell she's uncomfortable but she has listened to me. Having me hold her is having an effect on her and she dare not show it.

"I think I am warm enough, thank you and the glare of the fire is starting to get to me. Before I can think she's free from me and sitting back on the cushions, a few paces from me.

I oblige her and sitting just as further across from her. My eyes make their way to her side of the room and refuse to look away when she catches me looking. Every time our eyes meet a bolt of lightning passes between us. The tension is rising to dangerous levels.

"Maybe, I shouldn't have come after all," she breaks the ice.

"Am I so repulsive that you would rather take your chances with Mother Nature outside? Does my presence disgust you that much Nicole?"

"Oh G*d no, it's not you…it's just that I see I was wrong for me to come here. I wasn't thinking."

"Then please for my sake (I know it's too much to ask) pretend that you are at least glad that we are together. When I saw you standing outside my door an hour ago, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I cannot explain to you the thrill you sent through me, knowing it was me you came to see, for no other reason but to spend this dreary holiday with. Is it too much to ask that you enjoy yourself with this lout of a husband?"

"EJ how many times do I have to tell you…?'

"…And how many times do I have to say this, I AM your husband, whether you like it or not sweetheart. I know I haven't lived up to the title in a long while but I want to Nikki. I want to be the husband you deserve. I have never wanted anything as much as I want you back in my life where you belong. I screwed up royally but give me this chance to fix things between us again."

"I can't keep having the same conversa…"

"I LOVE YOU, DAMNIT! Don't you understand! I want the same you do, the real deal; the total package, that's what you said to me once.

Nicole, please listen to me. I was a fool before, I know that now. I love you, I have always loved you, in the beginning when we were so happy, even before Taylor came back, and I loved you then. I love you still. I can't excuse my actions but I can't keep quite a minute longer. Please…say you believe me?"

I have done it now. My heart is lodge in my throat. She looks genuinely shocked. I caught her off guard; I look into her eyes and I don't like what is reflected back. Oh G*d she doesn't, she can't have stopped loving me. She just can't.

Like a drowning man gasping for air I plunge further into my ill-timed confession.

"This…is all wrong! This is not how I wanted you to find out. I have relived this moment thousand times and each time I look into your eyes and I see my whole life before this moment and after it, my life is worth shit without you."

"No EJ stop, I can't hear this, not now…"

"…YES now! You need to listen to me, before my courage leaves me. Nicole, when you came into my life, I had no idea I had found my soul mate. You know me Nikki, I'm not a fan of the flamboyant romantic crap we see everyday. I had no idea, that you were my kindred, flesh of my flesh; and blood of my blood.

Ever since the day we met I have lost a part of my self, only it was my heart I lost but it wasn't lost. You had it all along. You trusted me with yours and I betrayed you in the worst way known to man. How many times have you looked to me and I wasn't there for you. I writhe in pain literally every day when I think of the cruelty I showed you over the course of our relationship.

I am ashamed of the things I did to you, every damned one thing. I love you Nicole Walker, do you hear me?

I love you! I love you! I love you!"

I wrap my arms around her, afraid the wind outside the window will sweep her away from me forever. If only she would look at me…

"Darling, tell me it's not too late, that I am not too late. Tell me you love me back and save me from a lifetime of true loneliness and misery? Please don't consign me to an eternity in hell. Please tell me you love me too, that you never stopped, even when I deserve to burn in the seven hells for the hell I put you through.

I'm asking for mercy, for forgiveness. I am asking that you put your trust in me that I would rather die first before I break your ever again. I am asking that you love me again. I am asking for another chance.

Please, Nicole….Look at me? Look into my eyes, no one knows me better than you. Look into my eyes, into my soul and see for yourself. I have never been more sincere than I am now, more contrite than I have ever been. I lay my dignity, my pride, my heart, my life at your feet, don't turn me away now.

Love of my life; am I still in your heart? Is your heart still mine to hold?

Nicole…MY sweetheart…My darling….My love…?"

Please…

6


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

"…Why now…, why now…?

Do you know how long I have wanted to hear those words from you, not from Brady not from anybody else, only you? Why tell me this now when hearing those words breaks my heart instead of giving me joy?"

She laughs but something is amiss. I can feel it in my bones. Tears have made their way down her flawless skin. Is she actually crying or laughing?

"I don't understand. Tell me those are happy tears that I have come to my senses?"

"I can't believe this is actually happening, all the time that's passed, wasted. It's not fair."

"Nicole you are not making any sense, look at me darling. Am I right in surmising that you love me?"

She steps back from my embrace and looks every where else except me. She takes both my hands and kisses both in turn. That simple action thaws the glacier that had built up inside of me. She does love me I can feel it through and through but she seems hesitant somehow.

"Nicole I am dying here, you need to be frank with me."

I tip her face upwards so our eyes meet. And there I see it, the thing that threatens my happiness. It's written all over her face, pain. Something is seriously wrong I am certain of it.

"Do you love me?" My voice cracks. I am so afraid, of what I don't know.

"Do you love me as I am sure in my soul you do? Here…" I guide her hand and place it over my heart. "Do you hear that, it beats strong and only for you alone so please tell me what I am so desperate to hear from your sweet lips?

Do you love me?" I have lost count as to how many times I have asked her and still I have no answer. As much as I am sure she does love me; it is the words I want to hear. Long I have taken for granted every time she uttered those beautiful words, now I crave them as though they were life itself.

"Oh EJ…" She quickly takes her hand away. "I can't…I can't give you what you want. I'm afraid it's too late, we are both too late. And there is nothing neither of us can do. I wish to G*d I can tell you what you want to hear; to give you give you joy as I know you have given even if it is bittersweet.

However, I am afraid it too late, it's just too late for either one of us. Love has played a cruel joke on you, on me. Cruel fate is laughing at us all the way into eternity (Such fools we are to believe her lies)."

"You're talking in riddles. I don't understand." My confusion is quite apparent.

"I can't love you, not like you want. It's no longer in my power to be the woman you need, the wife you deserve. G*d knows I want to. I want to so very much but it's not possible any more.

We both need to walk away from one another."

"No, don't ask that of me. I can't walk away from you now; I truly believe I won't survive."

"Yes you can, you have to. You need to let me go EJ. Please don't make this harder than it already is for me. I need my freedom, EJ. I am desperate for it. I can't measure my sense of self worth by the men in my life. It is not healthy. Love for me has given me nothing but a noose around my neck. The deeper I loved the tighter the noose became.

I love you, more than you will ever know, more than I am able to without destroying myself. I love you with my whole heart and some but I can't do as you ask, I won't do it.

Please let me go, let me go." She repeats everything she says twice, as though trying to convince herself of her own resolve.

"No please don't say that, give me another chance to prove to you this time will be different, Please Nicole, I am begging you to give me another chance."

The more I try to convince her the worse her tears get. I swear I can her heart break. Despite my assurance that I am more that ready to give her what she wants and longs for, it only serves to shut her off from me completely. She keeps repeating the same sentence over and over, "Please let me go," as if it is some kind of mantra. It doesn't bode well but I am not giving up.

I move a little closer to her, closing the gap between as that seems to rival the Grand Canyon's. I can feel the warmth emanating from her body, electrifying my own. I know she feels it too.

"Nicole we are so perfectly suited for one another. You and I testament to the fact that we don't have to be opposites to attract each other, we are one and the same you and I. Holding you in my arms turns my insides into jelly, but I love that only you can in this world that can do that.

When our lips caress, the whole world disappears and I am whole. With every kiss you give me I think I have tasted absolute perfection until the next time. Even now as our bodies as close as can possibly be, I am content, sated."

So let's dry those eyes and drink in this moment. We are finally together with no one, not one thing standing in our way."

I lean forward to plant a kiss I have dreamed of so often. It tastes sweeter and pure because it is given freely and equally enjoyed. I can't help but smile and whisper into her mouth how much I love her.

The sweetness is intoxicating and I drink in every drop available to me. It is not long before I crave for more, more of her in me. I pull her even tighter into me, so my hunger is unmistaken a soft cry escapes her throat and drives me wild with passion that has long lain dormant and like a volcano, eruption was imminent.

He hands begin to caress me longingly and soon enough my shirt is ripped open. From her lips I make my way down to her bared neck. She leans her head back exposing the hollowness of her and I collapsed from the sheer expectation of our first time as lovers in every sense of the word.

I lift her off the ground in an effort to keep her steady, her legs swing involuntarily round my hips.

"Oh…Mmm please don't stop." She manages to say. It's all I needed to here.

"Darling I would have you know, I have no intension of doing such a thing, now kiss me!"

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	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

I must be dreaming, because never in a million years could I have everything I ever wanted. Life has never showed me any favours or cut me some slack. It was always unfair, always cruel but not this morning.

Nicole is resting her head delicately across my chest and I have never known a more truly rewarding experience. A mischievous smile tugs at the ends of my lips as I gently stroke my wife's naked body over mine. To say I have wanted to do that for such a very long time is an understatement of the century.

I have borne patience I never knew I had within me. I have swallowed my pride, held my tongue, and restrained every muscle in me just so that this moment can taste as sweet as I have imagined it would be. It is so much more.

She stirs.

"Morning my sweet, it is a gorgeous day outside. Everything is covered in snow, you can barely see past the wall to our neighbours."

"Oh no, what have I done? This shouldn't have happened." she declares softly.

I smile at her to disguise the injury her words inflict. She quickly grabs the blanket from the sofa and uncharacteristically covers herself. The image warms me somehow that she is trying to protect her modesty. It is endearing.

"Oh but it did my dearest Nicole and it was glorious in every way." I say, slipping my still functioning hand between her and the blanket. I am trying to keep the mood light.

"You don't understand; it was wrong for me…for us. It shouldn't have happened. We are no longer together and it was wrong for me to…"

"…To sleep with your husband."

She pulls out my hand and places it on my chest.

"That's the thing EJ; we are no longer man and wife. We aren't married any more." She says in a strained voice.

Her words are colder that an icy bucket of water splashed on my face.

"You're joking right?"

"No, I wish I was but I signed the divorce papers a couple of weeks ago. I have been meaning to tell you, I was just waiting for the right moment to tell you."

"I don't believe this. So last night meant nothing to you? You were just using me?"

"…Using you, I would never do that to you. I love you but the fact that you would think that of me proves I did the right thing. You don't care about me, you only care about yourself and getting what you want; well congratulations you got your wish!"

Nicole angrily picks up her carelessly discarded clothes from the floor.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I was the last to sign those papers; where as you signed them months ago. As a lawyer, you drew up the papers yourself; you were in such a hurry to be rid of me you didn't think how losing you would affect me so I held off signing but something…Something made me realise I couldn't hold on to any longer so I set both of us free."

"…Signed months ago? I don't remember doing any such thing."

The pit in my stomach begins to grow bigger. I can't believe what is happening. Nicole purposefully walks to where she dropped her purse and removes from within an envelope. She hands it to me.

The sickening words jump off the page: Petition for Divorce; Applicant: Elvis John Dimera. No, no, no… a memory long since forgotten, the day I realised Nicole knew about me and what's her name. I remember how she did everything she could to hold on to me and I shut her down, humiliated her. It was coming back to me now.

"Why now? Why sign these damn papers if you truly love me?"

She is practically fully dressed by now.

"Like I said, what happened last night was a mistake."

"So are you going to pretend that I didn't pour my heart out to you, that you didn't tell me you loved me? Is that it?"

For a moment she looks as sick as I feel.

"…Yes. I was telling you the truth last night; it is too late for us."

"Tell me why, why is it too late? What is stopping us from building a life together, something we both want?"

"Please don't make me do this. I don't want to hurt you; but I cannot give you what you want."

"I opened up myself to you in a way I have never done with anyone, I laid myself at your feet and this is my reward, secrets and uh…more secrets. So you were only paying me lip service. You are many things Nicole but I never pegged you for a coward."

"That is not fair EJ and you know it!"

"What do I know, that my wife, no scratch that, my ex-wife loves me but doesn't trust me; that she cares for me just not enough to save our marriage (even though I see it in her eyes), why because it's too late! Yes, that makes sense."

"Please EJ…"

"No more Nicole, you owe me an explanation why this marriage is not worth your time anymore. You, who has never given up without a fight even when the odds were mounted against you, why are we not worth a fighting chance, be honest with me for once since you walked through that door last night!

Tell me, TELL ME, damn it!"

"Okay fine, if you really must know I will tell you. You would have found out any way, whether I said anything or not."

What the hell does that mean? She turns her back to me, her arms wrapped around her, pensively.

"The reason we cannot save this marriage is because…I uh….I am…pregnant…with Brady's baby."

3


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

"Oh my G*d, this can't be true. You are lying to me, Nikki. It's all a lie. You are not carrying another man's child."

The ground opens up beneath me and I begin to fall, with nothing to hold on to except the possibility that she is deceiving me, lying to me in the hopes that it will push me away.

She knows how I feel about Brady, there is no way she could be this cruel unless it is effort to protect herself from what ever heartache she believes is in store for her by remaining connected to me.

"Why are doing this, to me, to us. We have both been given a second chance, don't throw it away!"

"We had our second chance when I married you. I know it all began as a marriage of convenience but I discovered that I never stopped loving you. I fell back in and so hard that I forced you to live a lie even when you told me you wanted out.

I admit I wanted to punish you for the way you hurt me but that was then this is now. You have to believe me when I say I am not trying in any way to hurt you."

I see the love written on her face, but something else reflects back to me, pity. I don't want her pity, I want her; the life we almost had together, the life we could have together.

"You are lying to me now, either that or you were lying to me all along when you said Brady was no longer a part of your life."

"I never said that. I told you I left Brady and I told you why I left him. I want to rely on myself for once. It's been such a long time since I was my own person. I realise I was happy then, far happier than I was in the past few years either with you or with Brady. This only served as a wake up call and finally I am listening."

"That is a bunch of bull and you know it. Last night was magical for the both of us and you were very vocal about that too if I remember correctly. Now that it's morning, you are running scared because you realise just how deep your feeling are for me. You can stop running now because I am not going any where. This claim of yours is nothing but a scare tactic but I won't be moved.

I am here for you in every way that matters," I move in to hold her in my arms but she pushes me away.

"EJ, you are not listening to me once again. Last night shouldn't have happened. I know that now more than ever. I am trying to save us both a lot of heartache here. How many times do we have to go through this dance before we are black and blue with our hearts bruised, crushed by the weight of the unattainable? I am tired, I can't do this anymore…plus I have to think to think about more than just my well being from now on."

Her hand gently caresses her midsection.

"If you are as pregnant as you say (not that I believe you) and you haven't been with Brady since what happened with Gus. You bared yourself completely to me last night, how come I wasn't aware of this…development. How far along are you supposed to be (not that I believe you)?

We have been together practically every single day, I have never seen you run out of here because you were sick, and you did so the last time you…the last time you were pregnant."

Saying those words invisible daggers cuts deeply into my soul, a surgeon's blade is too clumsy and too blunt in comparison.

"I would have known Nicole; you can't hide something like that, especially with everything that we did last night.

There isn't a spot I missed when I touched you, when I held you in my arms, which is where you truly belong. A naked two month pregnant woman could never hide that sort of change in her body."

"The way I looked was the last thing on your mind last night. I should have been stronger at the least kept my feelings to myself. You don't believe me, here!"

She takes my hand and holds it over her stomach, rotating it ever so gently above her flesh so I can feel the contours of her slightly bulging belly. To the naked eye it's practically invisible but under my touch; I can feel…everything.

My G*d, she is telling the truth. I feel my hand start to burn. Let me go Nicole! She continues to hold me tightly.

"Can you feel it, the baby; my baby?" she says to me in a heightened state of wonder, oblivious to the torture her words are causing me.

Let me go Nicole. LET ME GO! The words will not come forth although I feel them to the hundredth degree. How can something so tiny shatter my world, destroy my life and be nestled within the most precious woman to ever come into my life?

"It's a miracle EJ. I never believed this would happen again but it has and…"

She looks at me as though for the first realising what this all means. Nicole slowly lets go of my hand. It is scorching hot.

…A miracle? A bloody curse that is what this is. She is out of her mind if she thinks any of this makes me happy. Am I supposed to be thrilled that her body is at the moment nurturing another man's child when mine was spat at without mercy and without a care? It's not fair. IT'S NOT BLOODY FAIR.

BRADY! He not only has taken my wife from me but he gets the child that should have been ours.

…A curse, I CURSE YOU BOTH TO HELL!

"We had our chance but this…this is my chance. I am going to be a mother EJ and I didn't have to steal or lie or bribe someone to get it."

"Now can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me it all doesn't matter, that Brady will have what we were denied two years ago? Can you accept me, all of me knowing what you now know?

The truth hurts and is never kind EJ. You don't have to speak but I already have my answer. You forget I know you better than anybody, your tense muscles, your blank expression can't hide the fire I see in your eyes especially when seeing for yourself what this baby represents, the final destruction of any hope we both may have had (I can also feel your contempt).

The desolation in your eyes breaks my heart because, not only can I not take it away but I am the one who has put it there in the first place.

Do you love me still?"

She looks intently into my eyes. I am dying inside and yet I cannot let her see me. I hate her but I love her so much more. The ugliness that has come between us is too much for me to bear, but I refuse to turn away. To have her see how she has wounded me to the core is unthinkable a weakness I cannot show even to her who knows me so well.

I want take her in my arms and never let her go, make love to her till we are both spent. My heart rips open when I think how last night I had actually dreamed of us having a family of our own, with no Sami to intrude or take away the children.

I had dreamed that Nicole would finally have my child, our child; how fate has dealt a blow so cruel I can hardly breathe. I want her to know so badly how much I love her but I cannot.

She is right. It is too late.

"You know your way, please let yourself out."

I leave her behind just as the tears roll down my face. I don't care that she is only half dressed or that the snow is 13 inches too deep or more. She is probably stuck here for the rest of the weekend or at least until the snow is cleared from the roads. It doesn't matter to me as long as I don't have to see her.

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

It's almost 10:30 Monday morning and Nicole has not called or anything. I am trying to maintain an even temperament but I've already bitten off half of the servants' heads. I don't see how I can survive the rest of the day having her by my side, if she ever decides to come to work.

It is strange realising that work is technically the only remaining tie between us. Did she still want to work for with me? I feel cheated somehow. I had a clear goal in mind; I admit the plan was sketchy at best.

Convincing Nicole to become my publicist had been damn near impossible. She had absolutely no experience but she made up for it by being smart, resourceful and her most important feature; she has never flinched at hearing of my worst deeds. With anybody else, I could be sitting on a bugs-and-lice infested bunk bed in a jail cell, instead of this Italian styled sofa that costs more than the average man's 41K.

It crossed my mind that she perhaps decided not to continue being my PR but I banished the thought immediately. What ever the drama between us, she wouldn't leave me on the lurch like that. Where was she?

"Excuse me Mr Dimera…?'

"Yes, what is it Mary?"

"It's Ms Walker, sir. She is waiting in the hall, she wants to see you."

"Well bring her in!"

Since when did Nicole wait to be announced? This does not bode well and I can't help but open the floodgates of uncertainty and doubt. I straighten my tie and do my absolute best to act nonchalant, despite my racing heart.

"Nicole, come on in. I was starting think you lost your way."

She looks at me puzzled at my demeanour. I am desperate to hold on to even the little that I have. I will show her that we can continue to work together without making it personal. It is crazy and possibly delusional, but I am desperate.

"EJ I am sorry I am late, I had a personal matter to take care of." She says almost embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it, you are here now and we can get to work. You know what they say…time waits for no man. We need to rework my speech, I think it could use a bit of a kick down the mid section of the fourth paragraph, I feel I going to bore the listeners half to death, and I dozed off myself just going over it. I was looking through the numbers this morning, we are gaining momentum, but we need more. Do I have to do the tour of Salem's orphanages and old age homes and the likes? I was kind of hoping that since this is Abe's forte; let's leave this corner of the market in his capable hands."

I am babbling. I never babble. Small talk has never been my strong suit. It doesn't help that I feel guilty over how I ended things on Friday.

"Are you okay, you don't seem like yourself?"

"What would give you that idea?"

"Maybe the fact that you've turned into the Road Runner considering what happened between us last week. This is not how I pictured this conversation would go. I sort of pictured you…I don't' know…I sort of pictured you being you if that makes sense."

"And who am I exactly?"

"You are the tough on the outside tough on the inside kind of guy. Nothing ever gets to you, seriously. You are able to land on your feet when you get the short end of the stick."

"You're wrong you know. I feel just as easily the next person, just because nobody ever sees me that way it doesn't make it less real."

"Well it doesn't matter anymore; I came to formally hand in my resignation. I cannot continue working for you under the circumstances."

"You have got to be kidding me. You have come to strip me of the last vestige of …"

I cannot believe what was happening. She has come to kick me while I am down, to finish me off.

"So it wasn't enough that you ripped my heart in two last week, you have come to finish me off, to leave me high and dry."

"That is not my intention EJ. I went to see my doctor today and he ordered me to take things easy. I love my job. This is not easy for me too you know, I have loved working beside you, being with you but I knew before I found out I was pregnant that pursuing anything more with you was going to bleed me dry. I was right.

I came face to face with my feelings, digging them up only to make myself vulnerable to you once again and for what, nothing. I want my life back. I want some semblance of my life back, messed up as it is."

"So nothing I said means anything to you, my feelings for you are dispensable?"

"No not at all, it is because of your feelings I must make a clean break. EJ I know there isn't a person alive on this earth you hate more than Brady, well except for his father, that is why I am doing is. I know who and what you are. It is going to eat you up inside that G*d willing when this baby is born, it will be Brady's and not yours. And I know first hand how loving someone so much and to have them taken from you will be the closest thing to dying and I don't want that for you.

I love Sydney as though she is my own flesh and blood and importantly because she is your flesh and blood, that's why I did what I did all those things years ago. As much as I hated Sami, I wanted you to have Sydney in your life (Sami wanted to keep you away from her) after I lost our daughter. The last thing I want to claim is that I did it all so selflessly because I didn't. I wanted our family so desperately I kidnapped a child from her mother.

If you love me as much as you claim, I don't want to be caught between you and Brady because that is exactly what will happen. What is worse is when Sami found out and I had to give up my daughter, a huge part of me died that day. That is why it was so easy for me to accept your offer to be a mother once again. I thought it was my last chance to find the one thing that made me happy."

"And now you don't need either me or Sydney so you walk away even when you know in your heart where you belong, with me."

"I don't know where I belong, EJ. Everything is so jumbled up in my brain it feels like it's going to explode at times. I loved having the feel of your arms around me that night; it was like coming home finally but for how long this time? The rules of the game have changed and I am adapting to the change. I need you to do the same, accept that what we could have had no longer applies."

"I'm sure Brady is over the moon at pending fatherhood."

"He doesn't know, I haven't told him yet." I pause for thought. She knows that her precious Brady is busy drinking himself to oblivion to want the responsibility that comes with being a father.

"Ahh yes, I remember now; the reason he discarded you was because you wanted something that he didn't want to provide. Do you think showing up at the Kiriakis mansion front door with a baby in arms will warm the cockles of his heart and accept being a father?"

"I am not asking HIM to."

Do I hear that right? Who is she asking then? I try not to think too deeply over the look in her eye and the tone of her voice as she speaks. Were it not for my own need I could swear she was asking me. For about a minute none of us says a think, we are both lost in our conflicting thoughts. She is the first to speak.

"I won't lie to you, I am so scared but I will do this on my own if I have to. I will do everything in my power to make sure this baby lives I don't care what the doctors say. I don't care that my body cannot carry this baby to full term I will give birth to him or her or die trying. I need to take care of myself for once whether that makes me selfish or selfless it's up to you."

"So why the hell are you still standing? Here let me help you. You should be off your feet. Do you want Mary to give you something to drink?"

I lead her by the hand and make her sit. She tries to hide her smile by averting her face. A second later she is back to being serious.

"No thank you for that, I'm okay, I needed to sit though.

I am resigning with immediate effect as your publicist. I will stay on until you can find a suitable replacement. That shouldn't take more than a day. I already have a list for you to look at."

"You are actually serious about this? What am I supposed to do without you? Nobody knows me like you. No one understands me better than you."

"EJ I can't sacrifice the health of my baby just so I can play your employee."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"What are you saying?"

Yes, Elvis what are you saying? I can't answer her, I can't even answer myself.

"That's what I thought. Brady may not want any children anytime soon; it doesn't matter to me at all. It's not like there's a long line of men banging on my door proposing to father my unborn child and it's not like I need them to."

"Please stay, I will take care of you. What will you do for money, a proper place to stay? Stay and help me win this campaign and then we'll see."

"If I didn't know any better I would think you were actually serious but unfortunately my answer is still no. I am taking a seven month vacation starting today. I will help you choose my replacement.

Don't worry about me; I will land on my feet. I always do. Don't look at me like that, I will be fine. Good luck with everything, Give them hell, too bad I won't be around to see it.

Here is the file with the top PR companies; I have including a few smaller ones who can probably do a better job if they only have you to worry about, you quite a handful. You'll get lost in the numbers if you go for any of the big names."

She hands me the file and I quickly flip through it. I am impressed and saddened at the same time. It means we have come to the end of everything.

"It's very thorough of you, are you sure you want to leave it all behind?"

She looks at me and there is no mistaking her as she gives me I light nod in agreement.

"I don't want to lose you do you know that, not just as a publicist but as everything else?"

"I know. I don't want to leave either but I have to."

It's the last time her quitting me is discussed for the rest of that morning. After two hours or more, the list is narrowed to at least three potentials. My speech almost ready, we still have not agreed on her idea of me becoming more in touch with the Salem's vulnerable.

Nicole insists that I still come across as a rather pompous, villainous and quite detached from the general public. According to her the best way to change that perception is to follow Abe's example but to supersede him in every way.

"People need to remember you long after you have left the room. Get rid of your nefarious persona by holding babies and remark on their cuteness, donate thousands to struggling old age home, break the ground when they begin the refurbishments which you will pay for. Build homeless shelters, invest in the renewing of Salem's dodgy neighbourhoods, and create jobs where there are none.

Show these people you care and you will have them eating out of the palm of your hand."

"And you still want to quit?"

"Any one with half a brain will tell you the exact same and more if they are worth their reputation. I have done all that I can from my end, it's up to you who you go with but any of them will win you the election.

It's time I get on the road. Good bye EJ."

I cannot do likewise. Her goodbye is so final. I don't want to utter the words. She grabs her purse and gives me a final look before turning, leaving me guttered. My stomach is in knots; my chest is caving in on itself at the thought of the rest of my life without her. I can feel my brow begin to sweat.

I don't want her to go; I need her more than words can describe, but could I live accept all of her? Can I live with the thought of Brady forever being a part of our lives, knowing this new bond between the two growing bigger with each passing day?

Brady may be an idiot that believes in his ill thought out individualism and has the maturity of a twelve year old; no I give him too much credit, one thing I have never doubted about him was that he cared for Nicole. My bias against him may blind me to everything concerning their relationship but I know the truth. He loves her.

He may have told her a year ago that fatherhood was not for him but I know that the moment that baby arrives, it will change everything; I can taste the bile in my mouth as the image of Nikki forever tied to that twerp that doesn't deserve her. He may even marry her to give her the family she already had, with me and Sydney and Johnny.

I can't let that happen. I cannot lose her, forever present but out of reach. It will be torture of the worst kind. I can't let her walk out of my life as easily as she walked out of this house.

I think about her and what she had to put up with regarding my relationship with Sami. It nearly destroyed her and almost completely ruined us but in the recent past we proved stronger because I believed her when she told me she loved my children as her own. I witness something between my kids that I have never seen with Sami.

Nicole had a greater capacity to love unconditionally despite of her own private heartache at remaining childless. What is to stop me from doing the same, with the child of her loins? Who cares who the father is when I love the mother more than I love my own life? Maybe this is our chance, if I can convince her to stay, convince her of my love, not only for her alone but for the child she carries.

"NICOLE! NICOLE, wait!" I jump off the chair and burst out of the house.

I can hear the rumble of her car in the driveway, she is pulling away. I need to hurry!

"NICOLE! NICOLE, wait! NICOLE!" Please don't let me be too late, I send a silent prayer to heaven above. She drove for several meters before coming to a stop. She's seen me, heard me. Thank you Jesus!

I run to the front of the car, practically throwing myself on her car. She could have run me over but I don't care. I will say my peace, throw myself at her mercy and pray she loves me still. I am panting as though I had run the marathon; nothing would stop me from taking my destiny into my own hands.

"Nicole wait, don't leave, please! Stay but not as my employee or publicist or whatever. I want you to stay, but as my wife in every sense of the word!"

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? I almost ran you down with my car, are you crazy? What the hell made you jump in front of me like that, scaring the cap out of me?"

"Yes I am crazy… crazy…in…love… with…you! I love you Nikki…I can't live…without you! I…will jump in front of a…bus, a train just to prove how much I…love you. I LOVE YOU.

Please say yes, say you will stay with me?"

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	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

She stomps out the car to face me. She is livid and scared. I can see every expressed emotion fighting for dominance. In the end shock wins out. She is shocked and I have no idea whether it is good or bad.

"Please say something, anything. Well not anything if "No" is your answer."

"Oh my, you have lost your mind. The EJ I know would never…"

"This EJ doesn't care about what he is supposed to do or not, all this EJ cares about is being with you. I twisted your arm to work for me under false pretences, I know but I wanted to be with you, to be around you, always.

I just about died when you told me you signed those stupid divorce papers which I should have burnt the moment it dawned on me how much you mean to me. No, the point is you have always meant so much to me I should not have filed for divorce in the first place it was another in my laundry list of horrible mistakes that I want to correct."

"How do I know you are not playing me, you have done it before?"

"I know and I am truly sorry. I guess I am asking you to trust me. I know it's a lot for me to expect from you but I humbly ask."

I go down on one knee and take her left hand in mine. This would be so much easier if I had use of my other hand but I make due.

"Will you consent to be my wife, again?"

I take her bewildered silence as a good sign. I stuff my hand back in my trouser front pocket, fishing for her ring. Finally, my fingers lift up the tiny object and I slip it out and show it to her.

"With this ring I declare that, my heart, my life, my soul and all I possess are eternally yours. I promise to love, to honour, to adore and cherish you all the days of my life and what ever may come after that."

I slip the ring onto her finger. I feel an excitement run through me as I note the ring imprint on her ring finger left there from when she had taken it off before. It thrills me that although we were separated a part of her held on to the idea of us. It's a testament to my renewed devotion to her.

"Oh my G*d I don't know what to say."

"Say yes Nikki. Say yes to me, to us, to all of us."

I gently rub her belly; I am still on my knee, even though I am starting to fell the cramp.

"Oh my G*d…" she keeps saying over.

"Say yes. Just say yes and make me the happiest man on the face of the earth. I will dedicate the rest of my life to making you happy or die trying. Say yes. Say yes."

The pain in my leg becomes too unbearable but I ignore it and stand on both feet. I smoothly tilt her head so I can look into her eyes; they are moist from unshed tear.

"Are those for me?"

I can't help it, I sound apprehensive. She bobs her head and says yes at the same time. I am crushed!

"I understand. I won't bother you again."

I begin to walk away from her. She stops me.

"Please don't. I don't…I didn't mean…how can I say this? The tears are because of you but the reason I am crying is because after years of waiting to hear you say those words to me, I am extremely touched. I have dreamed of this day a million times over and I can honestly say it was so much more than what I expected.

You have taken my breath away that I am afraid if I speak at all I will ruin everything. You will never know how much it means to me to hear you say those things.

Yes EJ, I will be your wife, again!"

A well of exhilaration bursts from within me, causing me I lift Nicole off her feet and spin her around, I am so happy. Her squeal of laughter is intoxicating. She is mine again and this time no body will come between us, no body will get in our way of happiness.

"Put me down, you big oaf. I love you so much." She laughs.

"I love you more!"

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	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

It's been three weeks since that fateful day. I still can't believe my fortune. At three in the morning, I cannot sleep. Nicole is nestled comfortably within my body, sound asleep. Feeling has progressively returned to my right hand which is lightly wrapped around her body, holding her close to me. I can feel her now bulging midriff. The baby is growing.

I asked her once about Brady and she brushed me off; saying that she was waiting for the right time to tell him. Everything was so secret, like our marriage. We burnt the divorce papers the same day she agreed to be my wife. However she insisted that things remain as before, she didn't want to move back into the mansion, "Not with Stefano and Kate, always hanging over us," she told me.

I couldn't abide by that decision for longer than a minute before it became apparent to me that perhaps it was time I moved out on my own, that we get a home that will be all ours, allowing us more privacy, that even though father and I stayed out of each other's hair, we were still to close for comfort.

So I told father of my plans, he suspected as much that it involved Nicole. But I am past the point where his threats have any effect on me, so I didn't deny the truth. I told him straight how I felt about her and that Nicole and I were giving our marriage another try. To say he exploded with rage is an understatement of magnitude proportions.

"Why oh why Elvis do you let your emotions govern your decision making. I don't need to remind what that trash Nicole has done to you in the past. She will do it again, it's in her nature."

"Be careful father, it is my wife you are talking about. I will not sit idly by and listen to this nonsense. For too long I have let you control me, who I married and for what ever reason that piqued your fancy, but no more.

This is my life and Nicole is my life, you will either accept that or we part our ways. It's long overdue any way. I am merely doing you a courtesy by informing you of our plans."

"The same way you informed me that you married her again after you BOTH signed you fraud of a marriage away. Yes Elvis I know of the divorce, what I don't understand is why you would marry that slut Nicole when she had given you back your freedom."

So he knew. A week before I moved out of the mansion, I organised an extremely private ceremony. Only the minister, Nicole and I were present. No witnesses were necessary because by law, we were still married, the burnt divorce papers attested to that. We finally took a proper honeymoon.

For several days we were in wedded bliss, away from the stress of disapproving third parties from both sides. Nicole had told me of Brady's insistence that she permanently cut ties with me, even Samantha chipped in when I asked to have the children for the weekend. She denied my request of course, citing that she didn't want her kids corrupted by trashy Nicole. I almost lost it. I told her to back off Nicole and that what happened between me and my wife was none of her business.

"What are you going to do EJ? You forget that it is my decision whether or not you get to see the kids and for as long as the company you keep turns up my nose, I will do everything in my power to shield them from that trash." She said.

"You forget yourself Samantha that it is I who gave you that power and I could easily take it back. You underestimate me if you think you can keep my children away from me so you can play house with that mindless buffoon you call a husband. Say one more thing against my wife and you will experience a wrath of biblical proportions. I want to see Johnny and Sydney and I want them for the whole weekend. Leave Nicole out of this or else."

It infuriates me to no end to hear the awful derogatory names she is called and I could never understand why she tolerates it. I asked her once and her answer broke my heart. It didn't help much to defend herself against these attacks because they only got worse when she showed them how much it hurt. So she learnt to be indifferent to it all, which by no means meant she was this unconscionable, sexually depraved human being. She takes the abuse and never fights back!

I want to rage against the all of Salem and fight her battles for her. I have come to realise that she has never had someone in her corner, defending her, protecting her from harm. It is so much worse now that I am aware fully what her daily struggles are I was once also part of the problem; to think of the many times I had my hands around her neck, threatening to end her life. I am mortified over my own role in encouraging this lack of self worth that Nicole has. I am so ashamed of my actions and the effect they had in shaping the person she is today. I wipe away the tears of shame streaming down the side from my eyes.

I lightly brush away the strands of hair covering parts of her face and plant a warm kiss on her exposed neck, inhaling her sweet scent that warms me through and through. "I love you so much!" I whisper in her ear. She turns around to face me, snuggling closer into me, perfect. With that, I allow myself to relax and immediately I fall right back to sleep.

I arouse in the morning to the smell of breakfast, I can smell the bacon and the eggs. I turn to my side and find Nicole gone.

"Ahh, you are awake, I wanted to surprise you."

She walks around the bed to my side while trying to balance the contents of the tray. It seems too overloaded and heavy; I jump off the bed and retrieve it from her.

"You shouldn't be carrying this; it looks too heavy for you."

"It's just a tray of food not furniture and I'm sure I can manage one simple tray!" she huffed."

"Darling I am sorry but you with what the doctor said; you need to take it easy. I should be the one bringing you breakfast in bed, not the other way around."

"But I wanted to do this for you; I know you are having trouble sleeping I thought maybe this will cheer you up."

I lift up the lid off the plate.

"…Interesting, you made me a full on English breakfast? I haven't had one of these in years."

"I know, you always complained about how we American sucked at dishing out a true breakfast, so there you are. You like it?"

"I love it and you did this for me, all on your own?" I ask sceptical.

"Well of course not on my own. Cynthia did, I merely came up with the idea."

"Thank G*d; because I am having trouble picturing you barefoot and pregnant slaving away on a stove." I place the try in front of me.

"Be careful mister because I may just dunk that whole plate on your lap."

"Come here." I tap the spot on the bed right next to me.

"No, I know that look; you have something sneaky up your sleeve. I can see it written all over your face."

"I said come here. Come her Nikki, I just want to hold my wife. I didn't like waking up to find her gone. I need her; so come here. I am not asking."

We look into each other and the anticipation becomes unmistakable.

"What about your breakfast?"

"It can wait, I'm not going any where…and neither are you, I surmise. I'm not going to ask again, Nicole. The children will be here soon and I need my wife before Samantha gets here."

She bites her lower lip, moistening it with her tongue. My eyes take in the sight, her woollen gown lies open exposing more than is appropriate and I am hungry. She cannot mistake the look on my face because slowly she makes her way towards me. I met her half way, a deep sound escapes my lips as they meet hers.

"Was that a growl?" she stops to look at me.

"Shut up and kiss me before I go completely wild!" I command her as I possess her lips and her finally her body.

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	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

"Is EJ Dimera the right man for the office?

My fellow citizens this question I am sure is on the lips and the minds of every single one you. I am sure you have pondered on the incredulous probability why a well known gangster, who flagrantly has defied our laws that not only govern us but also maintain peace within our streets, is running for office.

How should we react to this news that a known criminal wants to become our Mayor, let alone is running to become one? I am enraged and saddened at the state of this town, that we could allow such a blatant disrespect for our principles and values as an American town to be abused to this extent. Our moral responsibility demands that we take a stand and fight this attack on Salem by members of the criminal society.

Mr Dimera unabashedly flaunts his less than desirable connections to the underworld believing us to be imbeciles without the ability to see or the capacity to think for ourselves. We are not blind, nor are we stupid to let this carry on right into the Mayor's office.

Where is the integrity, the accountability? We cannot, in the wake of this tragedy in the making, remain quite and let our Mayor stand alone in this fight for the soul of Salem. This morning I am taking a stand and make myself available to defend what is not only mine but is also yours.

He has been connected to unsavoury circles that have defiled this town; drugs, prostitution; kidnapping; several attempts against some of our upstanding citizens; men and woman who are pillars of our society, to name a few. Do we then vote this man into office?

My sources have documents up on more documents of his dealings, most of which have been swept under the rug. There are several public servants that are under his pay role, police officers, members of the district attorney's office even judges sworn to enforce the law have sold their souls for a few extra wads of cash. Everything is done under the table but there is always a paper trail left behind and honest people who have dedicated their lives to exposing Mr Dimera's dubious dealings have often find themselves disposed of in The Godfather-like fashion. Most have been threatened and have had their families threatened into silence with promises of a good life, a long life cushioned by the silence bought by Mr Dimera.

This atrocious behaviour has extended into Mr Dimera's very own backyard or perhaps I should say bedroom. Mrs Nicole Walker Dimera is another such victim. Their relationship was tumultuous from the beginning. My sources have informed me of the true nature of the marriage between Mr and Mrs EJ Dimera.

What does Mrs Dimera have on her husband that would precipitate her release from a long prison sentence? The woman was found guilty of a serious crime but within months she was released, my question is on what condition, whose condition; the City or the Dimera family. Who has more clout, more power to circumvent the law?

I have it on good authority that what ever she knows, has forced Mr Dimera to keep her close, by his side. He blackmailed her into their second marriage; supposedly using his children as bait, she did go to jail for kidnapping one of these poor children after all. He has used everything from his children to his English charms to manipulate and control his victims, his wife being one of them.

She had been happily engaged to a Mr Brady Black when suddenly she is on the front pages of tabloid magazines, all clad in white smiling beside her new husband. She had swapped one prison for another. I have tried on multiple occasions to speak with Ms Walker and each time I am met with a "No comment," which lead me to digging a bit further.

A young Miss Taylor Walker is precisely what I was looking for. She came back just in time for the second happy nuptials between her sister and Mr Dimera. She then began a torrid affair with her brother in-law who didn't even hide his philandering ways from his new or rather old bride. In fact he celebrated it knowing what his wife must have thought of the whole despicable situation.

Their poor mother and a Mr Rafael Hernandez (husband to a Samantha Brady who is Mr Dimera's current ex-wife) were unfortunately one of his many victims. What transpired with Mr Hernandez is suitable for a science fiction playing out on the big screen; there were kidnappings, body snatching and body doubles plus murder all rolled into one. Mrs Fay Walker stumbled across this twisted plot taking place within the Dimera residence and in an effort to warn her daughters of Mr Dimera's true nature, this impostor brought into their lives saw fit to rid the world of this threat to his existence and after several failed attempts, he succeeded.

Mr Dimera was responsible for bringing a known criminal into the lives of his wife and now ex-wife and his two young children. The Salem Police were onto this plot upon the real Mr Hernandez escaping from his captors whose intention had deadly repercussions for him. Arnold Feniger was subsequently jailed but he never even had his day in court. He was found dead in his cell, bludgeoned to death by another prison inmate who bore a grudge against the man whose face he had stolen, Rafael Hernandez. Who orchestrated this gross miscarriage of justice? Who puts a criminal in jeopardy knowing his life would be in danger. Mr Hernandez had arrested many individuals who obviously bore a grudge against him and unfortunately for Mr Feniger he paid the ultimate price of being connected to the Dimeras.

It is known he initially refused to testify against not just his co-conspirators but his employers. Mr Feniger was nothing but a Dimera foot soldier, easily disposable when he became a threat to them. One kidnapping, and attempted murder and two deaths and yet Mr EJ Dimera is running for Mayor.

Ms Nicole Walker finally got her chance at freedom and left her abusive husband. She reunited although briefly with Mr Black. Little did she know her happiness would be short lived? A connection of Mr Dimera, Quinn Hudson was suspected by the police to being the attacker of streetwalkers. A number of the victims were under his employ. Is it a surprise that his wife who had lived separately from him for months was yet again caught in his web of danger and almost paid with her life? He had filed for the dissolving of their union. I can tell you that with much certainty that that divorce was as good as final when Ms Walker signed on the dotted line but where is she now?

He's had her back under his thumb, first as an unqualified Publicist. Give us a break, the only thing she is good at is to smile when prompted and look pretty. I am persuaded she is not as smart as she would have us believe, but I can't blame her when a known gangster exercises that sort of control over her. This ploy didn't have the legs to run the distance and he resorted to his tried and tested renewal of their marriage. Truly I have never witnesses this sort of abusive displayed so blatantly for all to see and this poor woman has no one to save her from the monster she now calls her husband for the third time.

He has her isolated her from those who love her and long for her final freedom. They have moved out into 'their' own Casa Dimera, no less a prison for Ms Nicole Walker and her unborn child; another in his long list of growing victims. What of the father? What does he have to say about all this? Unfortunately another no comment was my answer when I contact his assistant at Titan Industries. With Mr John Black facing a serious crime, sued by Mr Dimera under the pretext of earning back every dime stolen by Mr Black, that is the sole concern of Brady Black, the real father of the Nicole Walker's unborn child. With her prior health issues that have caused her to be unable to bear children, one wonders what the effects of this situation are having on her fragile state.

She has survived the death of her child, her mother, the infidelity of her husband; will she survive Mr Dimera this time around. I fear for her well being. Thus far she has had the worst luck ever. People, if this is the fate of one woman under Mr EJ Dimera, what is the fate of us all, should he be elected into office. Think carefully when confronted with your own conscience in the ballot box.

I ask again, is EJ Dimera the right man for the office? You be the judge!"

Written by Candice Simpson for The Spectator.

"OH G*D, what has she done!" I heard Nikki from the living room.

"Darling what's the matter?" I ask as I rushed into the living room, frightened by the look of horror on her face. The newspaper carelessly sprawled on the floor by her feet.

"It's not the baby is it? You are not experiencing any discomfort? Nikki, answer me, answer me sweetheart?"

I pick up the paper from the floor and to my horror I see what has her so terrified.

The shrill of her cell phone shatters the silence between us. She barely looks at it. After two more rings, it falls dead quiet.

"Nikki…?"

Another ring cuts me off. I lift it and see Brady's name on the screen. Oh my G*d, he knows!

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	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

The phone keeps ringing, she won't answer.

"Nikki…?"

I hand extend the phone to her. She looks at my hand as though I possess a snake instead.

"You will have to speak to him sometime. Nicole…?"

"It's too soon, the time is not right. I can't do this now EJ. It's just too soon!"

The phone rings yet again, vibrating in my hand.

"I…I'm sorry but that decision was hijacked by another. I know this is hard; it's hard for me too. I know how what he must be feeling finding out like this but it's time you perhaps took matters into your own hands instead of leaving it to the likes of the wretched Ms Simpson. Come on Nicole, I will be right here beside you the whole time, if you need me to."

It would not help to let her see my own turmoil. What the hell did I expect? We couldn't live in this bubble that we created. Brady. Brady. BRADY!

She finally takes her phone from my hand.

"Do you mind that I talk to him alone?"

Ugh! "No, go right ahead. I have something (someone) to attend to."

I kiss her forehead and leave her to the shrieking cell phone.

I turn into my study, slamming the door before my own phone starts ringing. Not now damn it! I throw the bedevilled newspaper on my desk, fuming. I need to deal with that Simpson woman. I re-read her editorial, word for word; that bloody stupid woman! EJ Dimera is not to be trifled with and to drag Nicole into this whole mess; she will wish she were never born when I am through with her!

"How in the hell did she find out about EVERYTHING?"

My still broken hand was half way down to slamming the table before the burning sensation stopped me. Another cell phone shrill pierces my slowly creeping murderous thoughts. As much as Ms Simpson has skyrocketed to my hit list it was Brady that worried me the most.

I am well aware of the helplessness I have suddenly inherited from the unwarranted role he now plays in my life. There are not enough walls or tables to quench that fire blazing inside me, but I chose this for myself. What choice did I have, really?

Another insufferable ring and in anger I answer.

"WHAT…!"

"Is that the way to speak to your father, Elvis?"

"This is not the time."

"Like hell it isn't. Can you guess what I did this morning? I was having breakfast with my lovely Katherine while perusing the newspaper. It was a wonderful day Elvis, your ratings are up by another 4% and I wanted to read about your success until I got to page 3. Do you know what I saw, what I rread!"

"No father, what is it?" I am stalling and he knows it.

"Don't play with me boy! How could you let this happen?"

"I am dealing with it father, I can assure you."

"Just tell me one thing, Nicole, is she truly pregnant?"

Silence!

"You fool, do you know what this means? Everything that crazed reporter woman wrote can be discredited, what in the hell are we going to do with that pregnant whore of a wife you have living with you. Did you know this, answer me!"

I take a minute to breathe in deeply before I utter a single word.

"Please you will not call my wife that word or any such father; I will not stand for it."

"I thought you were smarter than this, Elvis. Are you so desperate to have a warm bed that you will consort with a harlot? Don't get me started on the campaign. Everything we have worked for in now in the sewers because of her."

"I don't think so father…"

"I am not a fool, if she is pregnant and the child is not yours, this looks bad for a Mayoral Candidate. You have just handed that imbecile Abe Carver a win and he didn't even have to lift his finger. Get rid of that woman or I will do it for…'

EJ, are you in here?

"I have got to go father, we will talk later!"

I didn't wait for his reply and ended the call. Oh G*d.

"You look pale, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, just a little hot. And to answer your question, it all depends on how you look at things. On the plus side Brady knows and I can finally breathe, but on the negative side, Brady knows."

"What does that mean?" Her look, her words are fanning the flames. I move to her side.

"He is so angry. I tried to calm him down, he wouldn't hear it. He kept forcing me to admit to being with you and the way he sounded, I know I disgust him. He would let me explain."

The colour had drenched from her face. A lot more than what she is telling me down, it was obvious. I lead her to sit down on my chair, the only thing comfortable in this room. I am on my haunches before her.

"Tell me everything!"

"Please EJ, don't…okay? I am tired. Dealing with an angry Brady is bad enough; I don't want to have to deal with you too. I just…I need to sleep a while; do you mind? I know you had planned something for us today, maybe…we can do it tomorrow or some other day?"

"I didn't mean to upset you.'

"You didn't. I think I am the one that has upset you. I should have told Brady a long time ago. I don't know what I was afraid of, and now everything is ruined. He is so angry with me…and you. What about your campaign. Stefano was right." She gives me a look, contrite and defeated.

I hold her hand tightly, reassuringly.

"I will take care of everything, don't you worry about it."

Our eyes meet, knowingly but it can't be helped. I can also see resignation in her. What the hell did Black say to her to leave her so drained? The Nicole that would have called me out on a loosely veiled threat is gone and in her place is this weakened, tepid individual; all her fire gone.

"Come, let's get you to bed."

I warn the servants not to disturb us for the rest of the day and join Nicole beneath the covers. She is shivering suddenly.

"You don't have to stay with me." She protests.

"I want to, now close your eyes and rest."

An hour later I hear a light tapping on our door. I ignore it. Nicole is fast asleep. There is another knock, then another.

"Mr Dimera, please…" Damn her!

I gently extract myself from under my wife and cover her. I quickly don a heavy robe before opening the door to Cynthia.

"What it is? I thought I told you not to disturb me or Mrs Dimera for the rest of the day?"

"You did but sir, I don't know what else to do, he refuses to leave and I even threatened him with security but he insists on seeing Mrs Dimera. Thomas has been gone since this morning he hasn't returned. What should I do?" Her fear of me was grating on my nerves.

"I will be down shortly; you just keep him down there. I am sure that is a simple enough job to do, now is it?" I closed the door to her face.

"Who's down stairs?'

"Nobody, just go back to sleep darling." I say, keeping the edge out of my voice.

I quickly change back into my clothes, jeans and a black sweater; I am not working today.

He is by the window looking at the lightly falling snow. I stand just outside the living room doors and observe him. His body is taut; ready to pounce I am sure. Well I am as ready for him this time. He is on my turf now, no goons lurking in the shadows to help him this time round. I look up the stairs one last time before closing the doors behind me and face Brady Black.

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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

"Ha, I should have known. You can go back to your cave Elvis; it is Nicole I have come to see."

"Too bad simpleton, you will have to settle for me instead."

He smirks.

"The reason I have not ripped your spine through your nose is because of Nikki, now where is she? She owes me answers and I am not leaving until I see her and get what I came to this forsaken hellhole for."

What an interesting visual, charming really. He must have thought his words would move me.

Where is Nicole, I have to speak with her."

"She is resting, come back…say in a hundred years or two."

"I'm not leaving. I know she is here, she told me as much. Get her down here or I will get her myself!" his face an unflattering boiling hue.

The idiot is trying to threaten me.

"Go home Brady, Nicole is not feeling up to company right now. Do yourself a favour and return to Daddy before you hurt yourself. Don't think for a second that a repeat of that night by the pier will happen because of some misconceived sense of righteousness. Walk out that door while your legs can carry you," all of my patience gone.

He laughs.

"Oh now I see. It is all true. What I read in that paper. It's true. Nic wouldn't tell me but I can see it now. It's written all over your face. You are scared shitless. Nicole is actually having my baby, mine and not yours. So you have her locked up in this tower of terror because I am a threat to you. You are afraid to lose this sick hold you have over her."

Don't go there Brady, too bad your brain cell count is less than your shoe size.

"First it was Sami and then Taylor. Let me see her now!" He walks towards me.

I strain to calm myself but he is sure making it hard.

"She is finally free of you Dimera; you and your toxic love but you couldn't stand that so you forced her here!"

ENOUGH!

"LISTEN YOU PATHEIC TUB OF LARD, Nicole is here because she LOVES me and I LOVE her. She has always loved me, not you. It is me she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I didn't have to string her along with empty promises. You used her to fulfil some sick fantasy of yours, feeding her bread crumbs. You sapped dry the life within her every second she was with you.

She lost herself because your 'goodness' couldn't handle who she was. She is a woman, who cannot be tamed, changed to fit your twisted view of what she should be. With me, she comes to life; she is a free spirit, she is unchained, unfettered and unsoiled by your principles.

She needed a man and not a little boy with daddy-issues. She needed someone to put her needs first. To give her exactly what has been missing in her life, you Brady are not it. You never were. You were just a poor substitute that grew too sure of his own importance and worth when surrounded with those better than him. She knows this now. Piss off! You are not man enough to win her, let alone man enough to stand against me."

"…And you Elvis are that man? Don't make me laugh. I have seen what your love does to those you claim to love and it's not pretty. Sami hates your guts, your kids are afraid of you. Taylor ran off with Quinn Hudson. And Nikki, don't get me started and now you want to punish her even more because she carries my child inside her. I am getting her out of this house, today!

You cannot stand to lose and you have lied through your teeth to get her to come back. Nicole would have crawled through fiery coals before coming back to you; not unless you played her weakness against her. She willingly would not walk into a den of lions unless you promised her something you are incapable of giving her.

You don't have it in you to love only hate permeates from your every pore and you think you have won. Well I have news for you, you pompous asshole; I am taking Nicole home with me and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Now get out of my way.

Nicole!"

"Back off, Brady before I do something I will regret!"

"What will you do? You can't touch me Dimera. I am not such a push over. I thought you would have learnt your lesson from the last time.

The last time you took care of Nic, she lost her mother, almost lost her sister because of you. SHE LOST HER BABY! And you think I'm just going to walk out of here without her, leaving her here for you to finish her off and the baby? Think again.

NICOLE! NICOLE!"

I lose it right then. I shove him away from the door. I can't let him get past me. He unfortunately takes a swing at me with his fist. I evade contact but follow through with my own before he has time to think. I punch him fast and hard, he doubles over the table.

"I will floor you again, you piece of shit, broken wrist or not. So stay down!"

The crash was enough to wake the dead, but it is Nicole who has awoken in their stead.

"STOP IT! STOP IT, the both of you!" she screamed.

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	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Nicole is furious to find the scene between Brady and me. Now I am angry. She should be upstairs, resting; but no matter. I meet her at the door. I take hold of both her hands, they are cool but not from the cold. I see small traces of sweat beads on her brow. It is also just as cool to the touch. I don't like this at all.

"Go back upstairs while I finish up down here and I will join you soon, I promise."

My hand hurts like hell but I won't think twice to slug him again if Brady so much as whimpers the wrong way!

"No, I am not going anywhere just so you two can kill each other. I heard voices."

Nicole's face contorts for about a millisecond but recovers just as quickly, but not quickly enough to escape my attention. Some thing is wrong and she doesn't want to show it.

"Darling this is not the right time…" I coo into her ear.

"It's the perfect time, plus I don't trust you two; I need to talk to Brady."

"I am sure it can wait, you look too pale for my liking and the feel of your hands sends chills down my spine."

I have completely forgotten my unwelcome guest, who is now rising to his feet as mirrored by Nicole's expression. I need to be rid of that man before Nikki gets worse but she insists on staying. Her situation is precarious to say the least considering her history. I cannot risk Brady aggravating her even more.

"Nicole, please wait until you're a bit stronger before you can worry about that lout. You need to put yourself first in this situation, in fact I implore that you do. I am sure he is well able to understand."

"But I need to speak with him, explain to him. I need to make him understand."

"You heard her Elvis, Nic and I need to talk and she doesn't need you holding her hand to do it."

My words are snuffed out before they can rebut his insolence. Nikki is looking at me, she is killing me. She brushes the side of my face with her soft hand. I kiss her hand.

"…Please EJ…"

I don't like what she is asking of me, demanding of me. I kiss her full on the lips. I pulled my back straight turned my head slightly

"I love you. Remember one thing, Brady she is…you know what this baby means to her. Don't make me regret leaving you alone with her."

He smirks…such an ass! I kiss her one last time and then leave them alone. With each step I take I feel as though a piece of my soul is hacked and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I think of standing just outside the door in case she needs me but my pride will not let me.

I head down to my study just to thwart, the anger rising inside of me, the frustration of not being in control, the jealousy that always rises at the sight of him. My blood curdles with every beat, beating fast and furious against my chest. I cannot keep her from him anymore than I can keep him from being a part of this baby's life, G*d willing Nicole carries it to term.

I feel a surge of pain rippling through my bandaged hand, there is a spot of red but that's the least of my problems.

I want her all to myself but must this come at the cost of her unborn baby? Brady is nothing but a buzzing mosquito begging to be swatted, can I risk breaking Nikki's heart just because I refuse to entertain him any more than already I have. It is not hard to remember how much a thorn he is on my side must I endure further discomfort?

I need to be proactive in this, take matters into my own hands but I cannot worry about what is currently happening in my lounge. I need to deal with another mosquito and her time has certainly run out. I take out my cell phone and dial the number I needed.

"Hello, I would like to speak to a Mr Darren Scott, please. This is Mr EJ Dimera. He's not available…tell him I would like to set up a meeting with him with regards to a certain article printed by your establishment this morning.

I am not a patient man so I expect a response immediately after he's through cowering under his desk. If he doesn't contact me directly or my office by the end of the day, I will file a suit against his paper and take him for everything he is worth. Please make sure he gets my message.

Thank you." I hung up impatiently.

What was going on in there? It's been an hour since I left them together. My brain tries sifting through all the clutter to find something to sink my teeth into except my proverbial elephant in the room.

My campaign is nearing its close and Judith Seymour, my new publicist is drilling me like a sergeant at boot camp. She had taken over from Nikki three weeks ago and although her method of approach is vastly different to my wife, the results speak for themselves.

I seem to be edging over Abe and I don't even need John Black to win. I admit I would not have been able to do this, come this far without my so called uncle. When I had orchestrated the billions of Dollars mysteriously disappearing from Basic Black's account, being Mayor was the furthest thing from my mind. However, Sydney and Johnny's growing unease with being a Dimera precipitated I change that.

I love my kids, and everything I am doing I am doing for them. Once I am Mayor, I will show this town. If John loses the suit, I will be a hero in my children's eyes. It crosses my mind that I am really no such thing considering John is currently facing a lifetime in jail because of me but I swat the uncomfortable thought away. This is no time to back down now, not when I can taste the victory, professionally and personally.

If only it was just as easy to be rid of the son as I have near guaranteed the father's incarceration; the thought of Nikki crying over that S.O.B. nauseates me. My usual machinations will not work in this instant. I would need to think laterally where Brady was concerned, think out of the box…so to speak.

The thought of doing (faking) a paternity test springs to mind but it is dead on arrival. There's no way I can convince Brady let alone Nicole that the baby she carries is mine without raising suspicion and digging up the lightly buried mistrust between us. I need Nicole to be on my side when Brady is no longer a pebble in my shoe.

I hear voices outside. Good, he is leaving.

"Come with me NOW! (There's a deafening silence after this rather too emphatic request)

If you don't leave this place, leave him; you leave me no other choice, Nic. I have seen been in hell and back again and how you can let his suck you in again is beyond me. You are a fool to think that man is capable of love. Remember what his love did for you the last time you were pregnant? You were so stressed out of your mind about poor-wittle Elvis you lost your baby and now you want my baby to go through the same? You are a bigger idiot for thinking I would let that happen."

"You forget…Brady…that it was you who specifically told me you didn't want any children. I wanted to be a mother and you shut me down. I told you a million times how important being a mother was to me. I told and now you want to dictate to me, because EJ is now a part of my life. That is not fair!

And what about Madison, where does she fit in all of this? Walk away Brady we will both get what we both want, please don't make this harder than it has to be."

"I can't, I won't sit back and watch you destroy yourself for that cold, selfish asshole and if you force my hand in this I will take steps Nikki, to ensure the baby's safety…before and after it is born. Dr Baker told you that a full time pregnancy was unlikely; now that the baby is here I WILL do everything in my power to keep him or her safe; safe from your foolhardiness, safe from the Dimeras, mark my words.

You have until the end of the day, after that, I will act in MY baby's interest!"

He slams his door and burns the rubber of his wheels as he takes off. I can see a blue-ish plume surround Nicole. Her shoulders are slanted in resignation. An image of my hands throttling Brady surfaces fast, leading me to go out to her; to hold her, comfort her.

"Nikki...?

Damn it, she is crying…I am going to kill him!

"Come on sweetheart, let me get you inside."

"It's all such a mess. I…I didn't mean for all of this to happen. He's going to take my baby away from me. He…didn't even…want to be a father and now Brady's going to…he's going to take my baby from me!

He can't! I can't…I can't let him! Please don't…let him. I will die if I lose my baby…I can't…I ca…"

Oh G*d she is freaking out.

"EJ…I…can't…breathe…can't breathe."

I take hold of her upper arms, "Listen to me Nikki, Brady can't take the baby from you, I won't let him.

You will not lose this baby even if it's the last thing I do on this earth I won't let that happen. YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOU CHILD; do you hear me? Not this time; not if I can help it. Come on sweetheart; let me take care of you. Let's go back into the house and forget the whole episode altogether, what do you say?"

I give her a kiss infused with all the passion I want to share with only her, I want to love her and I want her to know just how much she means to me. I want her to know that I will take care of her and her child or at least die trying.

"I love you Nikki, never forget that. Forget about that Neanderthal Black. Don't waste another second on him, he is not worth it, just focus on the here and now, on me and you, on bearing a healthy baby. No more worrying, leave that to me. You just think on the joy you will feel when you hold you baby in your arms for the first time. Think about his podgy little fingers curling around your little finger, holding on tightly.

I will not let Brady take that away from you, do you understand?"

"What if it's a girl? I want a girl EJ, my own little girl."

She begins to calm herself but I can still see the fear in her eyes. It's as clear as day, it's not what Brady said that scares her. It is death she fears, death and his cold hands reaching deep inside her to steel, the life and joy she never believed would be hers. Death and his cold hands wrapped tightly around her heart, turning her blood cold, leaving it frozen and lifeless.

"…I can't lose my baby, not this time; I can't go through that ever again." She begins to sob.

This woman is breaking my heart. How do I fight against a villain I cannot see, I cannot hear coming? How do I fend off such an adversary? With what do I stand against such might, power over Nikki's life? How do I keep my wife safe from this monster, like a thief in the night, I am outmatched, unprepared but I cannot fail her.

I won't.

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	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

It sits ill with me that I cannot reassure her. I can't give her what she wants, assurance that everything will work out in the end. I have Cynthia make her a hot cup of hot chocolate, but first I need to run her a warm bath since she can't seem to stop shivering. She is sitting by the fire as she waits. I wish I could do more for her.

I find her sleeping but gently rouse her.

"There is a hot steaming bath waiting for you upstairs, sweetheart…come."

"EJ…maybe I should…leave."

"What, where is this coming from!" my words are more forceful than I intend.

"Hear me out, I want to stay…here with you but Brady…"

"SCREW BRADY, (a bit more calmly) he is not your husband. He does not love you like I do. He will not die a thousand deaths when you walk out that door."

"…But what about the baby…it's not yours?"

"I WILL take care of you, all of you. You belong to me, you belong WITH me!" I say emphatically.

She feels and looks a hundred times more fragile than I have ever seen her, more delicate that the finest porcelain. I sweep her off her feet, climbing all those stairs is suddenly too tenuous and enough to break her hard won composure since Brady left; she barely resist the gesture. Her arms firmly circle around my back. Nicole buries her face in my chest. Her tears are back but they are silent and resolute.

"Shhh…it's alright, everything will be alright, I won't let anything happen to you or the baby, I promise you.

Now I need you to be strong, stronger than this, for you and the baby. Please don't fall apart on me now. I don't…I need the fierce, resilient and very determined Nicole Dimera back."

I kiss the top of her blonde curls, trying very hard not to succumb to her infectious grief over something that hasn't happened; something that may not happen.

"Come back to me, Nikki. I need you."

We finally reach our bedroom en suite; the steam in the bathroom has covered every surface with condensed droplets. I lower her onto her feet and feel the temperature of the water with my left hand; the water is just right.

"Don't leave me…alone in here."

Her voice is co clear but saturated with to much melancholy, I struggle to break free with each she gives me.

"I wouldn't dream of it." I say firmly.

I kiss her and then begin to shed off all her clothing. The silence in that bathroom is enough to drown a grown man. She just looks at me as the clothes came off, silent and hurt. You can now see her obviously protruding pregnant form. It is beautiful in its glory. I plant a gentle kiss over it.

"Be strong little one, your mommy and I cannot wait to meet you. We both love you so much." I kiss her belly one more time before helping her into the bath.

"Nicole, relax. Let the water wash away all your anxieties and fears."

I don't know if she can hear me or not, she looks to be a million miles away.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Nicole…? Nicole, can you hear me?"

I am sitting above the rim of the tub, fully dressed as I sponge soothing warm water down her back. She is in deep thought, roaming passages so deep, places I can't follow. I need to force her back to reality.

"I am about four months along, almost as long as…the last time. I don't know what I am going to do. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't be happier and now everything is upside down. I…I can't think past Brady and everything he said to me."

I don't like the topic of conversation much but it beats her silence. I let her continue. Maybe if she purges all of what has transpired today, she may be the better for it. I realise it was too good to be true, the past weeks. Nicole and I had fallen back into sync, an easy rhythm, almost as though we were never apart at all.

"You are going to have to, Nikki. The baby should be your main concern right now. I am assuming your next doctor's appointment is right around the corner, maybe you should move it up to tomorrow. You need to avoid stressful conditions and unfortunately today was out of our hands but I will make sure is never happens again."

She says nothing.

"Nicole…? Nicole…do you hear me?"

"Um…I'm sorry I must have spaced out, did you say something?"

"I said I need to take better care you from now on, you and the baby. Brady can yell and scream all he wants, he can throw all his toys I don't care, I won't let him hurt you again and if he dares crosses the line, I won't be responsible for my actions."

She takes hold of my hand and squeezes it.

"You are so amazing, do you know that? Not a lot of guys would do what you are doing for me…me and my baby. Do you know how many times I have wished things differently? I wish it was your baby I was carrying. I want so badly for you to be the father but I can't change it. If today is anything to go by, Brady will not make this easy for you, for me."

"Nicole, I told you not to worry about it. As long as you love me and I love you, we can get through anything. There's nothing Brady can do to us. Don't you know that an empty drum makes the loudest noise?

Come…"

I lift her out of the bath and dry her off. She is too beautiful for words. Even with the belly, evidence of another man's mark on her, I can't help but love her. Her rosy glow envelopes me as we stand in the centre of the steamy bathroom.

The morning episode seems forgotten as she lies in my arms. The hot chocolate has done her good, she is relaxed and comfortable. I wish I can say the same for my racing mind. I see the faint glow of an incoming call to Nicole's cell phone. It's Brady.

It's been ten minutes since his last call. I switched Nicole's phone to silence so she wouldn't be disturbed, but he's quite persistent. He will get the message soon enough. Nicole's words keep playing through my mind. Even though she's told me she wants to stay, her situation is too precarious and out of my control regardless of my own feelings. I am not in control, not as much as I have let on.

Seconds turn to minutes turn to hours and I cannot rest easy. Something needs to be done but what? Brady keeps calling; I can't hold him off indefinitely.

I hold Nicole tightly, almost afraid to let her go. It's irrational but I am helpless anyway. I fight every scenario I can think of. I over think every possibility that Brady might take. I can't sleep until I find a way out for us.

My resistance gives in to sleep. I fall deep into a dreamless sleep, oblivious to the turmoil that awaits me when I wake.

"OW!

OW! EJ…EJ wake up! EJ…EJ please… wake up! I need you to wake up, NOW!"

Finally my eyes open. Something is wrong, there's an urgency I have never heard before. Nicole is in a panic. Her fear calls me to attention.

"Nikki, what is it, what is the matter!

"I think it's the baby, Oh G*d it's happening again. EJ, I AM LOSING MY BABY!"

3


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

I can't move fast enough. I can't drive fast enough. My heart is in my throat; Nicole's hope in a crocodile infested pit while her baby's life is in my hands. If I falter even a little bit, she will lose her and I will lose everything. I cannot think that way but it is hard with every gut-wrenching scream from my wife. Her cries for help curdle my blood worse than the last. I cannot help her except to drive.

I have long exceeded the speed limit; I skip every red traffic light if I can help it; traffic laws, be damned. I cannot help her but I must; in the only way I can, so I drive. The lights streaming through the windows of my car mark the passage of time. The world outside is too quiet, not a soul in sight.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH! Oh G*d…please no, not this time not…

AAAAARGHHHHHHHH! Please…please…please…

AAAAARGHHHHHHHH, AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

OH G*D what do I do now? She belches out another scream and I decide to floor it. It occurs to me that I could kill us both but what else can I do?

"Nicole, take my hand!"

She can't hear me in her agony.

"NIKKI SWEETHEART, TAKE MY HAND! I AM HERE DARLING, JUST HOLD MY HAND, come on Baby; I need you to stay with me here.

That's right, hold my hand; listen to my voice. This is me, your husband who LOVES you so very much. I need you to focus on that. Focus on our wedding day, our fist night in our home. I need you to remember how happy we were when we felt the baby move for the first time, he kicked so hard, we thought he would jump right out. Remember that? He is strong, he knows it's not time yet for us to meet him so I need you to calm down, breathe slowly and remember."

Nicole squeezes my hand. I continue talking, praying she is more than listening. My hand crumbles at the pressure applied but I push ahead.

"We are almost at the hospital, just hold on a bit longer.

Remember the plans we made, we are supposed to paint the nursery this weekend. I won't be able to do that without you so I need you to fight this. Fight Nicole…FIGHT, damn it.

You and this baby are my family and I need you to fight, for us. You are not a quitter so don't start now!

YOU ARE NICOLE DIMERA SO FIGHT! Fight for you and the baby, fight for us!"

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

I make the last corner into the hospital, driving over the spikes protruding from the ground. I look through my rear view mirror; the security by the gate is not impressed at all. Flattened tyres and angry cop-wannabes are the least of my concern right now. I head straight for the main doors; I don't even care if I have to drive through them.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

"We are here sweetheart. We're at the hospital!"

"Don't leave me, DON'T LEAVE ME!" She crushes my hand even more.

"Nikki, I am not…I won't leave you but I have to get someone to help us. I will be right outside the door, I promise. I won't leave your sight. Just please let me get someone, a doctor, a nurse, anyone!"

She releases her deathly grip and I fly out that car faster than anything on two legs. I partially push my head through the automatically opened doors, searching.

"HELP! HELP, SOMEBODY HELP US!"

"EJ!" Nicole screams.

A nurse rushes out to meet me at the door.

"Excuse me sir but what seems to be the problem here?"

I pull her towards the car.

"It's my wife…she's in…she's having cramps, they are bad, really bad. Please help her, she's pregnant!"

"EJ!" Nicole screams again.

I turn my attention immediately back to her and run round the car to her side. I fling open the door.

"I'm here, Nikki."

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me."

"I won't ever leave your side, again; I promise!"

I turn to find the nurse gone. Where did that nurse run to? She's supposed to be behind me with a gurney. Bloody hell! I will do this myself if I have to. I slip my right hand under Nicole's knees, while the other goes under her arm.

"Wrap you arms around my neck Nicole; I need you to hold on tight as I lift you."

"…Okay. Argh, ow. It hurts EJ. It really hurts."

"I know darling but we're here, the doctors will take care of you. Everything will be alright now."

A light goes on inside her mind, a sudden realisation of what was going on.

"Argh, no…no it won't. Take me back. Argh I…I…ow…EJ, I want to go home. Take me home; take me home now! I have to go home; I can't be here, no hospitals, no doctors, EJ. They won't help me.

Take me home…ow, ow, ow, OW!"

"Sweetie, I can't do that, you need to be better. I need you to be better and I can't make you better…not on my own. You need a doctor Nicole."

She's as light as a feather, this makes me too uncomfortable. I look down at her and see a gaunt expression on her face. Her cheeks appear sunken, a sickening sight. I walk through the huge glass doors, the lobby, a welcome sight of nurses and doctors. I see the nurse that greeted me seconds earlier, pushing a wheelchair towards us.

"No…no…no, they can't…they won't. They can't…they won't. Take me home. I want to go home.

No…no…no, take me back EJ. Take me back. I don't want to be here. It's exactly like before, TAKE ME BACK!"

She's twisting and turning in my arms, trying to break free. Why was she fighting me?

"No Nicole, I am not taking you back. Darling you're in pain, the baby needs you to make it through this. Be strong, for your child, for me. I can't take this, to see you like this."

"You don't understand; I can't be here. Take me home, please…please. I am begging you, take me home. The pain is almost gone, I swear."

I would believe her if it weren't for my tear soaked shirt. I would believe her if it weren't for the strained fearful look on her face. I would believe her if her cries did not rip my heart in half, tearing at my soul.

"Nikki I can't…I can't." I kiss her gently on her forehead.

"Here we all are," says the nurse with an attendant by her side; perfect timing.

I lower Nicole onto the chair as gently as I can but she won't release me. I try to loosen her fingers around me but she's interlocked them. This is so unlike her, completely irrational, paralysed with fear. She looks deep into my eyes, begging me. I look away.

"Come on Ma'am, we'll take real good care of you. You have nothing to worry about." She says, while yanking Nicole free from my neck.

"NO! No, if you won't help me I will do this myself." She tries to get up.

"Nicole you are not thinking clearly, everyone's here to help you."

She continues to fight me.

"Argh…hmmm, ow." She exclaims, so softly. She is in so much pain but for some weird reason she won't let them help her.

The attendant comes between me and her.

"Ma'am, we need you to sit still, so we can help you. Ma'am, we really need you to SIT DOWN!" he forcefully pushes Nicole back on to the chair. She exhales violently.

I see red and finally lose all control. The man is somewhat twice my size but I tower over him easily. The rage, helplessness inside me finally consumes me so I pick him up by the scruff of his scrubs and slam him against the wall opposite us. He's too shocked to react. My hand involuntarily reaches around his jugular and begins to squeeze.

"Touch my wife like that again, you will find yourself short of limbs; do you understand?" I say with so much venom to chase away even the most poisonous of snakes.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

"Please sir, you need to let him go," says the nurse.

"Mister, you're choking him, let go. LET GO!" The nurse pleads for her colleague.

"Not until he apologise. Apologise to my wife for manhandling her, apologise to MY Wife for frightening her, apologise. APOLOGISE!"

"Please sir, he's beginning to turn blue, somebody help!" the nurse yells.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

Nicole's scream jars me back to reality. I release the attendant and he consequently drops to the floor; he's gasping for every breath. Nicole's face contorts as the pain increases even though she's trying to hide that fact. Oh my G*d!

"Somebody help her!"

A doctor finally graces us with his presence. Where is Lexi when I need her?

"Please doctor, help my wife, she's in a lot of pain and it's getting worse. She is four months pregnant. She previously lost our child at almost the same stage, please help her. I am begging you. I will do anything; give you anything if you could only save my wife's child.

Don't allow her to miscarry. She won't survive it, I won't survive…without her."

"I will do all that I can Mr…"

"…Dimera. My name is EJ Dimera. This is my wife Nicole."

"Ahh, Lexi's family…I will do all that I can. We all will, Melanie, Tim, get room three ready now! Excuse us Mr Dimera." He says as he pushes me aside to lead Nicole to the empty gurney down the passage. In stead he walks away and heads straight to an empty room, already.

He leads me outside the room and closes the door behind him.

"Now, I need to ask you a few questions. I need to know who her OB/Gyn is. I need her medical history; you say she lost a baby before?"

"Yes, our daughter."

"Can I have her doctor's name please?"

Huh?

"Sir, can I have the name of her doctor, I need to contact him or her," he repeats more loudly.

"I…uh…I don't know."

He gives me a quizzical look, tinged with judgement. Yes I know how this looks, a husband that is ignorant of only the most important individual in his wife's life, second only to himself.

"Can you repeat that, I didn't catch it the first time?"

"I said I don't know, she hasn't told me."

He lifts his hand to his mouth to stifle a cough, or is it a snicker.

"Alright, I will do all I can." He says before walking back into Nicole's room, leaving me bereft.

What a fool I am. Why did I never ask? She never mentioned ever going to her check ups. She was silent on all fronts. Remembering how Nicole was when we arrived here, her fear wasn't about losing the baby; it was more a fear of hospitals, doctors. To Nicole, this place was a mortuary, not a sanctuary.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

5


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22:

The nurse nudges me awake. How long I have been I asleep, I cannot tell. The morning light coming through the waiting room window blinds me. I rub my eyes in an effort to usurp back my consciousness from a restless and dreadful night. My eyes and blood-shot, brimming with sand but I stand to my feet and follow after the nurse, back to room three.

"No Mister Dimera, not this way; please follow me."

I am confused and a bit wary suddenly but keep my thoughts to myself. I will know soon enough. My left leg is numb, dead from leaning too awkwardly on it during the night. I am half asleep and half awake only the silhouette of the woman in front of me urges me forward, that and Nicole.

She comes to a stop a few doors away from where I last saw Nicole.

"Please wait here sir; the doctor will be with you in a sec." She says, giving me a pitiful look.

Two more nurses walk past me and give me the same peculiar but knowing look. Dear Lord, did everyone in this hospital know about Nicole and me and Brady. That doctor knew the real deal the moment I told him Nicole had not been forthcoming about her pre-natal care and now it seems the whole hospital is brimming with the juiciest gossip about the Mayor Candidate, his pregnant wife who is carrying another man's baby.

A second turns to a minute which eventually turns to twenty. Where the bloody hell is he? The glass in the door in front of me is covered and I hear no movement beyond where I stand. That wary feeling I had earlier turns into an uneasy black void in the pit of my stomach. Panic wells up like sulphur rising in my throat, burning its way into the surface.

Where the hell is he?

After a horrible minute of sheer fear and panic, I push down the cold silver handle of the door in front of me only to have it open of itself as I stand facing the man I am dying to see.

He looks worse than I feel.

"Oh G*d, please…tell me, tell me…she didn't? My wife…the baby…tell me."

Don't tell me! G*D NO…No…no!

The acid in my throat bubbles furiously to the surface, choking my life force. This cannot be happening. It just can't. She was so close.

"I am sorry Mr Dimera. I am truly sorry, we did everything and I mean everything to save her but we couldn't. I want you to know that your wife fought with everything she had but there was nothing else we could do. We lost her. If perhaps you got her to us fast…"

I violently shove him against the door. The hinges creak from the deadly force exerted on them.

"NO! SHUT UP; JUST SHUT UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU!

My wife is healthy and so is OUR baby, DO YOU HEAR ME! She's okay…she's okay…she has to be."

He pities me, feels sorry for me. All that energy drains from me in a fraction of second.

"I am sorry sir but…we couldn't save her. I am really, so sorry for your loss. But please lower your voice, there are other patients on this floor, who are more…" he says, still pinned hard against the door.

"I don't care about other patients; I don't…give a shit about them! (At this stage I release the doctor).

Nicole…Nicole…NICOLE…!"

I try to push the doctor aside, so I can see for myself. He holds me back; the devil he is… I try to push open the door. It's nothing but a piece of wood with glass. The door is slightly ajar but I feel the crevice reminiscent of a deep and widening valley, barren and foul with rotting corpses.

But I must see her; I have to be with her. I promised I would never leave her side. I don't intend to break that promise. I open the door wider.

"NO, no Mr Dimera, I can't let you in to see her, not yet."

"…Why the bloody not, you have no right to keep me from her!"

"I am well aware of that, but please let me finish my job first, only then can I allow you in that room." He slams the door in my face.

"You don't understand; I NEED to be by her side. I PROMISED…I promised."

"I know this is hard for you…"

His lifts his hand onto my shoulder, to comfort me; my blood freezes at his touch.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING! You are just a paper pusher with an over sized sense of self importance sucking the life out of innocent people!" I push him away from me, angry, vengeful, and heartbroken.

He is smart not to follow me. I need air, this hospital smells acrid, and I can smell death! I hurry down the passage towards the front main doors; my lungs are caving in on themselves, like a drowning man, desperate to…breathe, to live.

I barely take three steps before stopping dead in front of Room three. There's a pool of blood oozing out from the gap between wood and floor. It's turned black, most of it has dried.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, my heart beats.

Nicole was here earlier. Thump, thump, thump, the drum resounds louder in my ears.

I open the door but a nurse shoos me away. "Excuse me sir but you can't go in there. Can't you see all the blood?"

I stumble backwards, I use both hands to keep from falling and only now do I see all the blood. My hands are coloured all over with blood, her blood. I freak and begin rubbing my hands against my shirt, I need to get if off only to realise my shirt is drenched. Her blood runs all the way down to my knees.

OH G*D!

I make straight for the door but with each step I take I fall deeper and deeper into the abyss. There's a trail of blood from Nicole room leading to the main doors. A minute ago I couldn't wait to be free of these walls but it seems I stepped into my own personal hell.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump!

The ringing in my head is getting worse. There's noise everywhere everyone going about their own lives oblivious of to my living nightmare and all I see is blood, Nicole's blood. I need to get out here. I push forward despite the grief dragging me down, the further away I get from her.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump!

The automatic doors open with an easy as to mock me in my despair. My car is no where in sight. The security must have moved it, I can tell from the man in uniform walking towards me holding what looks like a set of keys.

"You can't just drive through here without my say so, and parking your car on the kerb in front is just wrong…"

"Where's my car?"

"It's not here, now is it?"

"I know that you dimwit, what did you do with it?"

"I took it to have it washed…"

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump!

"…Washed?"

"Yes, can't you see the blood? Speaking of, maybe you should get yourself cleaned up as well."

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!

The blood trail so easily forgotten a second ago knocks the breath out of me. The trial stops just where my car was so inconveniently parked.

RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, THUMP, THUMP, RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, DIMERA, JUST LIKE LAST TIME. YOU ARE POISON; I TRIED TO WARN HER…THIS IS ALL ON YOU! …YOUR FAULT, ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Brady! What's he doing here?

RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, THUMP, THUMP, RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"YOU CAN'T PARK HERE, SIR! YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR. WHO'S GOING TO CLEAN UP ALL THAT BLOOD, YOU DID THIS, YOUR FAULT!"

That the hell is happening to me!

RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, THUMP, THUMP, RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"Paging Dr Baker, Baker…paging Dr Baker, you are needed at the front door!"

"Uh Mr Dimera, I'm glad I caught you just in time, here you go…"

"What the hell is this, where's Nicole's doctor?"

"I'm her doctor, always was and LAWAYS WILL. Here's my bill for services rendered and take this...I won't need this anymore."

RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, THUMP, THUMP, RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"What the hell is this?" he hands me a waste bag.

"…Your daughter's remains!" They encircle me, pressing me on every side

"STOP IT, STOP IT, ALL OF YOU! I DIDN'T KNOW…I didn't know!"

RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, THUMP, THUMP, RRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"EJ, EJ…wake up! EJ…!"

I jump out of the chair. It's Brady Black. The ringing in my ear has stopped. My heart though is racing at a million miles an hour.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I bite back. I feel the stinging in my eyes and resist them.

"You were having a nightmare, Nicole is awake and Dr Monroe says she's doing fine, everything's in order; excuse me for being so kind as to wake you." He says haughtily.

Nicole's awake, she is alright, and that means her baby still lives. My anger overrides the good news delivered. In stead of celebrating the miracle, Brady's presence only fuels the fire already scorching hot.

"…Being kind…BEING KIND? Don't make me laugh.

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU NICOLE'S IN THE HOSPITAL IN THE FIRST PLACE!

We were happy. SHE WAS HAPPY! But you couldn't have that now, could you? It galls you that she loves me, that she wants to be with me, that I actually make her HAPPY! And now the worst has happened because of your stupidity.

You practically salivated at the idea that Nicole needed saving, is that it? You get your rock off at playing her saviour is that it? If you removed your head from your own arse you would have known, seen how free she was. I made her smile a carefree untainted smile, something she hasn't done in YEARS.

We are all here in this accursed place because of you. (A single unabated tear rolls down my face and I don't care anymore.)

Now do her, the baby and yourself a favour and LEAVE! I am being KIND; gracious if you will so I won't ask you twice.

5


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

Dr Monroe chooses that moment to seek me out.

"Ahh, Mr Dimera you're awake, I came to let you know that you wife's condition has stabilised. It wasn't easy, I tell you but I couldn't be happier in spite of the circumstances.

"Can I see her? Doctor, please…"

"Of course you can, she's resting. I don't see why you can't go to her, but please ONE AT A T…'

I can't wait to hear the rest. I race down the hall to where I know she is, safe and not childless. I freeze in front of her door, images flash through my mind, the nightmare is still fresh and I can feel it's tentacles about to crush.

"Get a grip Elvis, she's alright!" I try to reassure myself before entering her room.

I bring every emotion under submission. She cannot know what I've just been through. She can never see it.

Good she is sleeping, judging by the peaceful look on her face. I gently close the door behind me, take a deep breath as I move to stand by her bed. The pain that was visible last night is clearly gone but I fear it is forever etched in my heart.

My left hand seeks out its better half. Her wedding band is loose on her finger; she has lost weight, strange for a pregnant woman. What does it matter, I have not lost her. I kiss her hand, I need to taste her and remember a heaven so real to me.

The tears I have been fighting for so long finally overcome me. They flow as if from an endless well, purging me of my fears and grief. They fall steady and silent except for a breathless gasp or two.

I pull up the arm chair behind me and sink into it with the force of gravity. All the time I am holding onto her, afraid she will vaporise before my eyes if I let her go for just a second; a thought completely unfounded in reality but I have seen hell, walked its streets albeit in my dreams and I can't take that chance.

After a while, I calm myself down. I shake my head, trying to clear my head before she wakes up and finds me beside myself. I erase every last trace from my face except my glossy reddened eyes.

"I didn't hear you come in," she says in a horse whisper.

"Oh darling I thought I had lost you. You scared me half to death."

"That makes…two…two of us. Is the baby okay? Be honest with me."

I cannot miss detecting a hint of fear.

The baby is fine, the doctor is confident you both will make a full recovery.

"I am sorry for scaring you, for waking you up in the middle of the night."

"Are you kidding me? I am happy to wake at least ten times in one night for you. Don't apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"But…EJ I do. I didn't tell you about my pre-natal jitters. I should have. I purposefully neglected seeing a doctor because…because I was…"

"Shhh, forget about it. You are okay now and that's all that matters."

"No…it's not. (She begins to cry) I…could…have lost…my baby if I wasn't so stubborn." She's working herself into frenzy.

"Hey, I won't have more such talk from you, you didn't know. The baby is fine. You will be fine. Don't you know I find your stubbornness alluring; it's because of your stubbornness, you held on as long as you did. It's because you ARE so stubborn this baby girl… or boy is still alive today.

We could have lost it all…and for a while I thought we did but we didn't."

I kiss her hand, then her other, planting gentle kisses along her flesh all the way to her lips.

"I am so proud of you and I can't love you more than I already do right now.

Promise you won't leave me again or else I will die."

"I have never left; not once, not ever now kiss me again." I happily oblige.

"Now move over, so I can join you."

She looks puzzled. I remind her of my promise to never leave her side. She laughs. I close my eyes and savour the sound it makes, music to my ears. Musical greats such as Bach, Mozart, Beethoven; they are all pebbles in empty tin cans against the richness of her voice. I have never and will never hear a more beautiful sound.

"…Now scoot, I mean it!" I lift her slight as I slide beneath her body.

All her weight is resting me now.

"You're crazy; we both can't fit on this bed."

It's the truth but I don't care. I just want to hold her close to me. I want to feel her lying against me, warm and replete with my undying love for her. My hands rub soothingly around her belly. The baby gives a little kick, reminding us both of this miracle. The relief I feel knowing she still carries a tiny life inside her is overwhelming; I miss what she says to me.

"I said I love you so very much," she repeats.

"I love you too, more than you will ever know."

We are quiet for a while, basking in glow of being together.

"Is that why you were crying earlier? Do you mind my asking?" I sense her uncertainty at questioning me.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I understand."

"Do you really…understand, I mean?"

How can I say this without dumping it all on her at once?

"The best and simplest way I can explain is this; you consume me…in a good way. My every waking moment is of you. Your scent as you rest your head on my chest permeates even in my dreams so that even when you are not there, you are never far from my thought.

The hours when I didn't know what was going on, the nurses and doctors wouldn't tell me anything, I dangled dangerously on the edge of my sanity. If you left me, I would happily fling myself in front of those speed trains."

"I would never leave you." she sounds smitten by my words.

"I didn't say if you WILLINGLY CHOSE to leave me.

I can't live, function or exist without you in my life. For about the longest second of my life, I lost it. I saw the emptiness and it wasn't pleasant. I woke up this morning and you weren't by my side.

I know how much this baby means to you, you've made your feelings abundantly clear. In my crazed, mindless state I actually believed I LOST you. I knew if anything happened to this little one…I…"

"I am so sorry EJ. No let me finish. I love my baby and no one in the world knows that better than you. But never did I place this baby above or below my love for you. I am allowed to love you both separately and just as passionately, you know.

G*D willing I will have this baby a few months from now but should that never happen, don't you ever think I will go my merry way let alone allow you to let me. No where in the vows I spoke to you does it say, "Till the death of my child do us part."

You consume my every being as much as I do you; you are the air I breathe, the life that flows in me. I lost you twice before, I would sooner die than let that happen again.

(She turns to look me in the eye) You are my life EJ Dimera, now and forever!

Hear me now; I love you and only you. No other will ever come between us. This I swear." She says emphatically. Then she faces out the window.

I lower my mouth to her ear; hear this now Nicole Dimera, love of my life, soul and spirit. I am forever yours. (I turn her head to face me) My heart beats only for you and not another, this I swear!"

We seal our vows with a cherished kiss full of love and longing.

4


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24:

I stare out the dimly tinted window of the limo on my way home; not by choice unfortunately. I watch the world fly past me, oblivious to my inner turmoil while I'm shrouded in pomposity and puffed up vanity. As a future mayor, I must play the part, 'All the world's a stage…' and so on. It all seems so pointless now.

Nicole's still at the hospital. Dr Monroe has probably started on the battery of tests. Checking for everything under the sun since Nicole has been negligent. Brady insisted on staying, as the baby's father, placing emphasis on "father', it ground my patience to dust. We almost got into it right there in the middle of the hospital. I am only glad Nikki never saw us.

Cynthia greets me at the door with messages from my father and sister. I can't deal with their condescending, vacuous concern for me when I know how they really feel. Father's attitude towards Nicole is exhausting in how quickly he changes from dislike to like to hate. His poor veiled threats and warnings at what a big mistake I am making keeping Nicole as though she's some sort of wayward pet are more than just upsetting.

Lexi is just the same. For such a loving person her dislike for Nicole is more shocking to my system than father. I shudder when I remember her blatant encouragement of me to pursue Nicole's sister, Taylor, when she stayed at the mansion. Though I cannot be blameless for what I did to Nicole where Taylor is concerned.

My behaviour was more than shocking, it was appalling. The level of disrespect and disdain I had for Nicole still gives me nightmares. How was I to know that my feelings for her were never decimated when our first marriage fell apart? I was so angry with her for deceiving me, I couldn't think clearly.

The grief I felt for our lost daughter commingled with the rage of being deceived by someone I held so dear. Perhaps I am sugar coating everything that went down the first time around. Nicole was insecure over my relationship with Samantha (what I saw in her I will never know). In her own grief she lost sight of reality, imagining that I would abandon her somehow upon finding out about the miscarriage. I was angry; angry that she had so little faith in us, in me to go to those lengths to hold on to us.

So when Sami finally released me from her clutches. I never thought I would thank God at being shot in the head, I was finally free but there was emptiness I could not escape. Brady's constant presence only forced me to put a name and face to the root of my problem, Nicole.

Once the stench of Samantha wore off, I woke to find I missed my wife. I wanted her back, longed for her in fact, but Brady was in the way. The only way I could push him aside was Sydney. If it had not been for her encompassing love for my daughter (in truth, she is ours in every way that matters), Nicole would not have given me the time of day. That over grown man-child had even given me an opening; he didn't want to have children.

Why she continued with him even when he told her in no uncertain terms that he didn't want to become a father is beyond me. Nicole is a wonderful mother and to watch him deny her that basic need compelled me to seek her out. I admit now that winning her back was more than just about having her play mother to my children just to piss Samantha off. I did want her in every sense of the word. That want, that need for her overwhelmed me, shaking my very foundation to the core and weakening the well built walls (walls rivalling fortresses in the English country) surrounding my heart. She sent me running in the opposite direction. I used Taylor to numb and fight those deep reservoirs of feelings for Nicole bubbling to the surface against my will.

She had finally done the impossible and I was damned to let her know it, let alone see it written all over my face when her eyes gazed in my direction. I wasted a year in meaningless frivolity because I was afraid to love her completely as she deserved. Thinking back, what she did to me pales in comparison to the hell I put her through.

I was ready to finally give in the towel after the Taylor debacle; however this one night, a simple look, a kind word from her, a simple touch revived in me the precious treasure I truly believed was lost, despite her insistent chiming that Brady was the love of her life. That night, I knew the truth, that she would be mine once again.

I plan to spend the rest of my life making up for all of my mistakes and some; I will love her, adore her, and worship her until the day I die!

I walk into our bedroom and find a completely different scene to what I left just hours earlier. Cynthia has cleared every trace of chaos and distress that was playing out in the silent night. Remembering the fear in Nicole's voice, her eyes it just about overcomes my sensibilities. I look away as if that alone would purge me of this morning's horror.

I head straight for the shower. The feel of seething hot water cascading down my back promises relief albeit only just. I cannot stop thinking about Nicole and what the doctor said.

The almost full blown brawl between Brady and me forced Dr Monroe to throw both of us out, or at least he tried to. Having the Dimera name carries some clout in this town. He thought twice before crossing me. Where as Brady could care less, in fact he revelled in crossing me, rubbing it in it was so juvenile.

"I know this situation is volatile but gentlemen do try to remember why we are all here. Mr Dimera I can see how much you love your wife and care deeply for her well being, as do you Mr Black but can you put your childish differences aside for her sake; her and the baby? She needs all the love and support she can get without you two bickering like little boys in the playground.

This baby IF it is to survive, it needs you two to at least play nice for a while longer as it grows. Tear each other's heads off if you like; I would much rather you do so AFTER the baby is born just don't do it in my hospital and certainly no where near my patients. Your wife's condition Mr Dimera, although stabilised, is precarious to say the least.

Mrs Dimera doesn't need the stress, compounded with the complication of her pregnancy. I have studied at her file, I can honestly say she is incredibly BLESSED that her baby has made it thus far along. She needs rest and to start taking care of her self, in stead of stroking either one of your egos, do we understand each other gentlemen?" he asked as we all sat in his office.

His words continue ringing in my ears as the water knuckles down the knots in my shoulders.

"What worries me at this stage is keeping her Blood Pressure low for obvious reasons (it's what started this whole mess); her weight gain is way below satisfactory at this stage of the pregnancy. Your wife for what ever reasons she missed her monthly check ups is now irrelevant, I need to keep her here for a few more days for observation and to monitor the foetus more closely.

The more comfortable she is the less strained the foetus, ergo everybody is happy.

She is resting for now and I plan to keep her that way for the foreseeable future.

I did not graduate top of my class to play babysitter for two overgrown children. Right now I have people to attend, sick people who actually need my undivided attention; so go home, the both of you.

When I have more I will contact you."

I turn of the tap and step outside, more clear headed than earlier. I don't care what than puffed up doctor says, once I am finished here, I am going back to that hospital, to be where I belong. I pack some of her things in an overnight bag, in light of those hideous hospital gowns.

I check my messages in case Dr Monroe called but I find my box is full, damn it. They are all from Brady (typically) AND Samantha from yesterday. At least three are from her, what now?

I erase all of the ones from Brady and recall the rest.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THAT I AM READING, NICOLE IS PREGNANT AND YOU MOVED IN WITH THAT SL…!"

Beep! Message deleted, next message!

"EJ, WILL YOU PLEASE PICK UP YOUR PHONE, I NEED TO TA…"

Beep! Message deleted, next message!

"DAMN IT EJ…"

Beep! Message deleted.

I call Judith and let her know I will be taking a break for a few days from campaigning so I can spend time with Nicole. She understands.

I double check to see if I have everything I need before heading back to the hospital, but my phone rings just as I close the front door. I ignore it. Thomas has replaced the damaged tyres from this morning and parked my car in front. My phone rings yet again and again.

In frustration I answer, "WHAT!"

"Is THAT the way to greet the MOTHER of your children?"

"For the love of G*d, Samantha what do you want, I cannot afford this chit chat. I'm on my way to hospital?"

"I am wondering why I have to find out about Nicole and you two moving into your love shack in the newspaper? It's insulting…"

"Samantha, I don't have time for this. And please from this moment on what goes on between me and MY WIFE is really none of your business, I would appreciate you show her the respect due her as the love of my life and step mother to my children.

I don't go around all day harassing you about every little detail of you and YOUR husband's magical and ethereal coupling. Unless it concerns Sydney and Johnny, I would prefer we restrict all communication between us to just that, our children.

Good Bye Samantha, give my love to my children and tell them Daddy will see them soon."

I don't bother to wait for her raving antics to continue another minute. I don't have time to trudge through the mire that is Samantha Brady Hernandez anymore. Nicole is my only concern now.

4


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25:

"FINALLY I am going home. I'm already sick of this place. I can't wait to be in my own bed…"

"…With me." I say giving her kiss afterwards. She playfully pushes me away but pulls me back for another kiss.

"I can't wait to taste real food again. This place; the placid colour, sickly stench is starting to get to me."

"Plus you miss me so much…"

"Of course…Casanova you are. Finally I can relax knowing that everything will be alright. The doctor practically said he sees nothing keeping me from having a healthy baby. As long I take the prescribed amount of rest, I will be a mother soon.

Can you believe that?"

"Yes."

We spend the next ten minutes debating the colour to paint in the nursery. It lifts her spirit talking about the nursery, as though the baby is here already. She's thinking neutral colours are the way to go, typically I want the standard blue for a boy and baby pink (my favourite colour apparently) if it's a girl.

"What's up with you and that colour?"

"I don't see why you're complaining, I haven't worn those dress shirts since you left me in a lurch as my publicist."

"Thank G*d or else Judith would have hightailed the second she saw you." She teases.

I love her laugh; it's a promise of better things for us both. I hold on to that moment, treasuring it along with many such moments. Dr Monroe practically commanded that I keep things light and stress free so there is no mentioning of our three favourite people, JOBLESS Crusty Candy, SCREECHING Samantha and my personal favourite, BUFOON Brady.

Her radiant colour has returned ten fold. She has that gorgeous pregnant glow I discovered she wears so well, I can't keep my hands off her even as the doctor barges in on us. He has such lousy timing.

"Good you are both here." Says the doctor too merrily but my ears are not deaf to his actual intonation.

Nicole has been in hospital for a full three days now and I have been by her side for most of that time. I literally strong armed the doctor to letting me stay by her side even at night disregarding hospital regulations. He doesn't like me very much. I intimidate him no doubt but the fact that Nicole is at the mercy of his skill and talent this lends him a little bit of a back bone.

His doe eyes practically resemble a deer caught in the headlights every time he sees me.

"Mrs Dimera, further test results have shown that the baby didn't suffer any damage. The standard tests show that we don't have to worry about any foetal abnormalities such as Down syndrome or Spina bifida. The baby is thus far 100% healthy.

I know you have waited long enough so I thought doing an ultrasound was the order of the day. We can see the baby's development. I can even tell you the sex if you are interested."

Nicole's countenance lifts at the thought of seeing her baby for the first time after the nightmare she's just experience. My heart skips a beat at the seeing the light dancing in her clear eyes. She squeezes my hand and I respond I kind.

"Do you want to know? Do you care if it a boy or a girl?" she turns to me anxiously."

"Darling no, it doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy. I will love him or her regardless." I reassure her.

The nurse follows in with the required machine; Nicole can barely contain her excitement. They tell her to lean back so they can apply the gel on her tummy.

"It's so warm, I thought it would be cold." she smiles back at me.

"Don't worry every mother says the same thing," says the technician as he readies the machine.

"That will be all Carol." The doctor says taking the transducer from his assistant. "Here we go."

"Ow," she exclaims.

I give the doctor my most disapproving look. He almost falters but continues applying pressure and rotating his instrument, searching.

"Don't worry, it will get easier once we locate him." He clears his throat avoiding my eyes.

"Him…?" she asks.

He corrects himself, "Excuse me no, I figure using a generic term rather than calling the baby it. It is easier that way. If we can see his sex, it will make things easier for you."

Moments later we finally make contact. The faint but strong heartbeat guides us. for a minute we are all silent, that sweet sound is heart wrenching as I see every emotion playing on my wife's face from pure ecstasy, to wonder, to joy and amazement. To see the love on her face I cannot help it but I am just as moved by the tiny living being displayed on the monitor. I love him.

Thirty minutes later the machine is off, we have several snap shots of the baby, sex still unknown. He/she refused to turn in a favourable angle for the doctor to make a distinction. It doesn't matter Nicole could not be happier so I can't argue with that.

The doctor gives strict orders that she must make her fortnight check ups (mot monthly). Her Endometriosis makes her doubly sensitive to miscarry at the later stages of the pregnancy. Better and more regular check ups will enable the doctor to counter any problems arising form Nicole's less compliant body.

"I want to see you as early as next week and any other time I deem fit until I am satisfied we are out of the woods. I will have my assistant forward you the dates; until then, stay off your feet, increase your diet; I need you to put some meat on those bones. You are eating for two after all. I will include a dietary plan that is best suited to your condition.

Please what ever you do, do not deviate from this plan. The next time I walk you into surgery; it will be when we deliver that baby, okay?"

We leave the hospital relieved at Dr Monroe's prognosis. Things were more than looking up. Even Brady backed down when I told him Nikki was coming home with me. He sent her a vase of white roses; they are still sitting on the table by her hospital bed.

I have Cynthia run a warm bath for when we get home, she promises to prepare Nicole's favourite meal for lunch as a welcome home gift. I thank her in earnest. I want everything to be as though the last few days never happened. I want to push from her mind thoughts of hospitals, Brady Black, miscarriages.

A similar scene to the night Nikki ended in hospital is playing out in our bathroom, but there's a slight difference. We are both naked and immersed in the big tub. It's a wonderful feeling having her that close to me and having no nurses/doctors/Brady to interrupt. Like before silence fills the steamed room but it's not quite as tragic as before.

Neither of us is inclined to break the soothing silence. No words need utterance. We are so physically, emotionally and spiritually in tune. I swear when she breathes in I exhale. What she thinks I put into words. She knows what to do before I speak a single word. I never believed in having this kind of connection with another human being until she came into my life. More than our fingers are intertwined, so is my soul joined to hers.

Later I find her in the family room reclining on a lush sofa, TV remote in hand. I snatch it from her muting the television.

"What are you doing, you are supposed to be in bed?" I ask her.

She ignores the concern in my voice and glares at me.

"I was in bed for almost four whole days, I needed change. Plus the doctor said I had to be off my feet…see my feet aren't even touching the ground."

"Darling…."

"Please EJ don't make me go back upstairs, it's too quiet and this room is just perfect. It's snug and cosy and I have a gorgeous view of the garden even if it's covered in snow. I've got a roaring fire before me and a TV to keep me busy, did you know there's a special playing right now about the Mayoral race.

Despite that horrible article in the paper judging from what I have seen so far you're still in the lead." She says while trying to take back the remote.

"You know what the doctor said, absolutely NO stress. Forget about me being mayor and focus on yourself for a change. March yourself upstairs this instant or do you want me to carry you. I am not loath to carry you over my shoulder to get you there if that's what it takes…okay maybe that's not the best option but come on Nicole…

Are you even listening to me, Nicole...?"

She's looking over my shoulder.

"You're not even looking at me, Nicole…"

"EJ turn up the volume, something…Something terrible has happened!"

"Oh! No, you don't; I won't fall for that childish trickery, and I'm smarter than that."

EJ, there's been a shooting at the Pub! TURN UP THE VOLUME!"

My head turns viciously from to see what she sees.

OH G*D, it's true. I clumsily fumble over the tiny buttons on the remote, trying to bring the volume up without panicking.

"…Breaking News!

The shooting at the popular Brady's Pub took place just under an hour ago. The police are scrambling to catch the culprit. Already there has been one fatality and several casualties. The eatery was teaming with patrons of all ages, including children related to the owners.

The Salem PD has not confirmed but it seems Mr John Black was perhaps the target of this horrible attack. It was his first public appearance since his pending hearing regarding his embezzlement of billions of dollars.

The area is swarming with law enforcements available. Our reporters are at the scene doing everything they can to bring you the last development.

Please stay tuned…"

My world comes to a crushing halt. I can't listen any more.

OH dear G*d, this can't be happening. One fatality…several casualties…children…OH G*d what have I done!

Nicole takes the remote from my hand.

"Honey…Honey…EJ!"

Like a zombie I turn to her,

"You need to go now…just to be sure. I will be fine. I'm sure they are safe home but I know you have to be sure so go, hurry!"

I hug her tightly, kissing her lips, "I love you!"

"I know, go already before I completely break down. I love them so much. I too have to know so go…now!"

I kiss her once more and then fly out like the gale winds are at my back.

I have to know my children are safe. I have to know I have not killed them. I have to know. I need to know!

5


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

It's like a war zone. I imagined far worse than what I saw on TV but the scene before is far worse. I push through the police tape and watch as an ambulance drives away. I make a frenzied beeline for the pub. My head already seeing their bloodied little faces as the coroner covers their faces. My heart can't believe there are dead. They can't be.

I see Samantha just outside the door; tear streaked with reddened blotches sprouting unevenly across her face. Her arms are crossed, Rafael, her husband is talking down to her. I'm too late!

"Samantha, Samantha where are the kids. I saw on TV…something about a shooting. Tell me they are alright, tell me they are safe?"

She averts her eyes from me.

"ANSWER ME DAMN IT. WHERE ARE SYDNEY AND JOHNNY!" I try shaking the answer from her quivering lips but she just stares into the distance, with fear filled eyes.

"Dimera, back off! You are scaring her, can't you see."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I DON'T GIVE A FIG ABOUT YOUR SAMANTHA! I just want to see my children, where are they? I heard that there were children in there, related to Caroline. I want to see then NOW."

"Sydney…Sydney's with Will…"

"…And Johnny…? Where is Johnny, Samantha? Where is he…with Will…where? Tell me!"

"Back off her Dimera," he comes between Samantha and me. I push him aside like a bug. Samantha begins to back away from me, like a guilty child. It's written all over her face, my Johnny is dead. She doesn't need to say the words.

He's been killed hasn't he?" I ask still clinging to some hope. I am praying for a miracle.

She looks at me and saves me from the brink of hell itself, "No…" she says.

But something still has her so distraught, so I hold off on happy exclamations.

"If he's not been shot, then where is he? Where is my son?"

She falters. "I tried you have to know I tried…but he…"

"He what…"

"I…uh…I had him in my arms…one minute; I…I put him down for a second...to check on Sydney. It was so chaotic. People were screaming and running around going everywhere at once. I put him down for just a second. He was right next to me. I lifted my eyes from him for a second I…I swear it next time I looked he…he was gone…just gone." She sniffles.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CARELSS, SAMANTHA? WHY BRING HIM HERE OF ALL PLACES KNOWING HOW ANGRY JOHN'S MADE THE PEOPLE OF SALEM?" I scream at her.

"I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T PLAN ANY OF THIS. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You have to know this is not my fault!" she whimpers.

"…Not your fault; I entrusted my son into your care under the misguided assumption that he would be safe with you, that Sydney would be safe with YOU! I guess I was wrong. I trusted you with our children and you let something like this happen!"

My phone starts ringing, it's Nicole. I can't answer, not now. I have to know what has happened to my son.

"Take it easy EJ…" the husband speaks.

"Don't tell me to take it easy. I hold you both accountable for anything that happens to my son. Do you both hear me?

What have you done to find him, nothing! Instead you Mr-I'm-with-the-F.B.I. have wasted time standing hear doing fuck all!"

"That's not fair! We looked, I looked…" she jumps in defending her man.

"Is that what you call it? Move!" I push Rafael aside and head for the pub.

"You can't go in there, it's cordoned off. The pub is officially a crime scene. Let the police do their job. EJ stop!"

"…And stand here like the two of you and do nothing while my son is possibly lying in a pool of blood in some ditch somewhere? I don't think. You can fold your arms or hold your precious Sami for all I care. I am going to find my son!

JOHNNY! JOHNNY! IT'S ME DADDY, JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!"

"EJ stop, we've already searched the pub, he's not in there, only the police." He says.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I growl at them both. They are wasting my time. Every second that passes by my son's life slips through my hands. I have to find him. Even if I die trying!

JOHNNY! JOHNNY! IT'S ME DADDY, JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!"

I scream myself hoarse but that doesn't stop me. I circle the block calling out his name, looking through crowds scanning each face irrespective of size, age or gender. I need to find him. My cell phone rings again, I answer it this time.

"Nikki, he's missing, his bitch of a mother lost him during the shootout…

Sydney is fine; she's safe but Johnny…

What am I going to do Nicole? I cannot lose my son. The Salem PD is focusing their search on the shooter, nothing on my son…

I can't sit and wait. What if the shooter took him as revenge against John, I will never forgive myself…

I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHO GOT SHOT OR WHO THIS FUCKING SHOOTER IS. I CARE ONLY ABOUT MY SON!

I know…I know; I'm sorry I lost my head. I don't need to worry you about this but I can't help it he's my only son…

I know you do…I love you two!" I slip the phone back into my jacket.

I call father to update him and I surprised he's already organised a search party and I don't mean the kind with friendly neighbourhood watches kind. Whoever shot at the pub may have taken my son. I am glad father didn't spare his best men. I even had a run in with the police, warning me not to take matters into my own hand.

What do they take me for? I made them think they had this situation under their control but I'd no sooner leave Johnny to run Dimera Industries. They are slow moving fools more concerned with putting on a show than actually doing something.

So here I am walking the street nearest the Pub screaming my lungs out trying to find my son. Marco and his crew are hunting down the asshole responsible for this. Thomas is scouring the opposite side of town. A composite sketch of this man has already made the rounds. He will be mine by the end of the day, guaranteed.

The irony has not escaped me on how it should be me they're hunting for. I masterfully orchestrated this entire scheme however I cannot take credit where the shooting is involved. I want to destroy John Black if some crazy person decides to end his life who am I to deny them that pleasure. I could have applauded this man's actions if my children were not caught in the cross fire.

JOHNNY! JOHNNY! IT'S ME DADDY, JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!"

I ask any and every person if they've seen a little boy wandering around alone or maybe he was with a certain man. I show them Johnny's photo, the sketch of the possible kidnapper, imploring them to look carefully.

"No sorry dude, I don't think I ever saw them."

"No unfortunately…oh what an adorable child he is. Isn't he Tracy?"

"Yeah I recognise the kid, isn't he the on that commercial for children's cold medicine. I am sure it's him. Why are you interested in him?"

I must have asked a hundred people by now. They all give the same answer; no they haven't seen my son. I almost lose my patience but Nicole's voice on the other end of the call urges me to remain hopeful. He has so many people who love him and are looking for him; he will be home in no time.

All the while time passes and I keep walking with no idea where I am going. Every new face I see is a chance for me to find my boy. I have the same luck as earlier. The sun will set soon. I cannot rest until I find him I will keep on searching even into the night until I find him.

I finally hit pay dirt. A little girl of about ten years recognises him from the photo. I almost picked her up and twirled with her in sheer exhilaration. It is the first and only positive in the last several hours since I began searching.

"I saw him on Commissioner Street. Yeah that is him but he looked all kinds of dirty like he was crying." She says.

"Was he by himself or did he have a grown up with him. Was this the man you saw with my son?" I press her for more info.

"I don't know mister, my mama called me and I had to go to her. But there was a man pulling him like my brother sometimes does when I don't want to go with him. He always pulls so hard. Mama scolded him the last time he almost broke my arm."

"Shelly, come here!" a woman hollers behind us.

"I'm sorry mister, but I have to go now. Mama's calling me and she sounds mighty mad at me. I hope you find your son, mister!" she says before running to her mother's side.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS!"

That is the last I see of them before disappearing behind their gate.

Commissioner Street…

I go through that street like a fine comb, calling out Johnny's name, while showing his photo to passer-by's. The sun has gone down only a sporadic cluster of street lamps come on. How am I supposed to find him without natural light? This part of Salem is full of unsavoury characters and if the little girl was right, Johnny is around her somewhere. I will not leave until I find him. So I keep walking…calling out his name.

I hear water in the distance, the pier! He can't have made it this far alone but with somebody…I manically scramble down towards the lifeline of this town praying it would be the same for my boy. Images of his lifeless body floating face down spur me on, like a savage. I refuse to believe he is dead, already one person has died at the hands of this shooter, and I won't let my son be second.

I walk that pier from end to end, looking over into the water in case…I call out to him again and again, I'm going crazy but I can't stop now. It's been hours, I am exhausted but I cannot stop now, not while I am so close I can feel it.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY! JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!" over and over I call out to him, certain he can hear me.

It is deathly quiet; there is no life or sounds of it except ships out to sea, some birds in the distant. Everywhere I look the night darkness has swallowed up portions of the pier. Johnny could be anywhere here and I may still not find him, if he's incapacitated somehow. I will not think him as dead. That is not a reality I will embrace, ever.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY! IT'S ME DADDY, JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!"

Wait! I hear something but in the distance. I call out his name again and again, pausing every now and then to listen in case I am hearing things.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!

JOHNNY! JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU!"

"Daddy…Daddy…DADDY!"

Oh my G*d, I can hear him.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!"

He repeats my name over and over. He won't tell me where he is but I can hear him. I look behind crates, containers…nothing. I cannot see him but I can hear him.

He's hurt I can hear it in his voice.

"Where are you, Daddy can't find you. Tell me where you are so I can find you! Johnny…Johnny?"

"I don't know. It's dark…" his voice gets fainter and fainter. I'm heading in the wrong direction so I double back. He's stopped talking. No…

"Johnny, I need you to keep talking. Johnny, Daddy needs you to say something, Johnny!"

I am getting closer, I can hear his sobs. I stop in front of crude fishing boat

"Johnny…"

"Daddy…" his cries are muffled.

I have found him. He must be so scared. I step into the "Johnnie Walker"," how ironic.

"Johnny… it's me Daddy, come on out. Johnny…?"

I see movement under a pile of tattered fishnets. I must have stopped breathing because I breathed out the longest sigh of relief when Johnny ran into my legs, circling them with him tiny arms.

I pick him up and hug him so tightly but release the pressure when he cries out in pain for a moment I forgot how small he is.

"I knew you'd find me Daddy. I knew you would. I knew you would!"

I put him down to look him over examining him, "Ow!" he says. It's his arm, broken perhaps. His face is bruised but I don't think it's from being hit. There is blood all over his clothes, which sends me spinning in a furious rage but I bottle it in for his sake. I see pieces of broken glass still clinging to his bloodied knees. He must have crawled on the broken glass from the pub. There is no other injury to note.

"Oh Johnny, I thought I lost you. I love you SO MUCH. I Love you. I love you."

"I love you Daddy," he kisses me on the cheek.

"I love you too my boy, come let's go home!"

6


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27:

"Where is he? WHERE'S MY SON?"

Oh wonderful, it's Samantha. I can here her screeching at those unlucky enough to be in her vicinity. I am several doors away from her in the waiting room and already my ears begin to bleed. She throws open the door and I see time has not improved her looks. I remain expressionless, unimpressed by her entire demeanour.

"EJ, EJ where is he, where's Johnny? I got here as soon as I could."

"I'm sure you did Samantha, he is after all our only son."

"What's that supposed to mean. You know how much I love him. I would die for him."

"I'm sure you would," I say stressing the condescending tone in my voice, in case she misses it.

"Where is he?" she asks, chastised.

I could ignore her but I fear she would only nag me to death.

"He's with the doctor; they are putting a cast on his arm. It's broken."

"Oh my G*d, Johnny…" she begins to cry.

"Oh SHUT IT, Samantha. There's nobody here to fawn over your crocodile tears."

"How dare you say that to me? I am his MOTHER!"

"And G*d help him. As his mother where the hell were you? My son is taken while in your care and rather than go searching for him, you fold your arms while that horde you call family wait on you hand and foot dare you collapse, telling you how wonderful a mother you are. And where was Johnny? KIDNAPPED, BATTERED…battered and bruised, bleeding…HE COULD HAVE DIED while you stood there with your family doing nothing!

"What could I have done?" she cowers.

"Same thing I did…look every where for him. Walk till you bled, walk till you had nothing left in you and walk some more. Search every place, high and low until you found something, someone that would lead you to him. I have been to hell and back and back Samantha and I would do it again in a heart beat, for Johnny…and for Sydney."

"…And you think I won't?"

"What have you done? Please enlighten me. You have not shown me differently, that our children come first in your life. I sacrificed EVERYTHING for them. What have you done? I was a fool letting them go, trusting you when nothing or rather everything you have done has them playing second fiddle to you and your darling Rafe!

NO MORE! You hear me? No more!"

"THAT IS NOT TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT! I got a job recently just to support them I work hard every day so my kids can have a good life. I love them and I would never intentionally hurt them. I DIED when I realised that Johnny was missing."

"By George cue the violins! Am I supposed to be moved by that rendition? All I see is an increasing history of negligence culminating in today's events. Your step father, a known thief has made countless citizens destitute and you take our kids where it is known he would be.

People are angry Samantha, angry that he robbed them of their livelihood, angry that their children won't go to college, angry that their pensions have puffed into nothing but smoke because of his greedy paws.

If I was one of these people I would want to take matters into my own hands since the courts are slow do anything about it. I would want him and his family to feel an inch of what I felt. And today someone did exactly that and you had my children hanging around John Black. You may as well as have put a bull's eye on their backs.

Now you want me to believe that YOU have their best interests at heart?"

She begins to break down, denying she knew John was going to show up at the Pub. Her reddened nose is enough to melt the icebergs but not me.

"Where's Sydney, where's my daughter?"

She looks shocked that I would ask that question; surprised I remembered I had another child. Unlike her my children are always in the fore of my daily life. She has denied me access to them for far too long. I allowed her to dictate the time, the little that it was, that I spend with them. As usual her slow ticking mind is mirrored, reflected on her freshly blotched face.

"Samantha, I want to see Sydney now, where is she? Bring my daughter to me!"

"She is with Will" she says sulkily.

"…Not Caroline?" I ask with surprise.

"No, my grandmother…she was hurt in the shooting. She's okay. My father says it was a clean shot through her upper arm. She is lucky the bullet missed bone and artery, a 'flesh wound' so she will be okay."

"I am sorry to hear that." And I mean it. The woman has looked after my children far better than their own mother. I can't hurt to spare a thought for her.

We are quiet for a moment. That is how the doctor finds us.

"Doctor how is he?" I am the first to speak.

"Yes doctor tell us, is he okay? How hurt is he? Can I please see him?"

"You must be the mother, I know how anxious both of you must be feeling; I can tell you he did better than great. Everything went brilliantly, as painful as setting broken limbs in casts is, little Johnny took it like a pro. For a child as young as him he didn't cry even a little."

I can tell he is lying for her benefit. I remain silent.

"He has a green stick fracture, that's when the bone hasn't broken all the way through. We could have used a splint but since Johnny is still so young and prone to be more active despite the pain from the break, the cast was our best option. It's fibreglass, which means that it's lighter and water resistant but you will have to watch him closely and make sure that it's not wrapped too tightly his finger will change colour, turning anything from white to blue or even purple; or that he doesn't pick at it to prevent water logged induced rashes and infections."

"How long doctor…till he heals completely?" I ask.

"Provided that there are no complications, we are looking at between three to six weeks, given his age."

"Will there be long lasting effects, like deformation or something?"

"No, not at all; once that cast is off his arm will be as good as new. I will write you a prescription of pain killers for him but should the pain persist even after you have administered the medication, call me immediately."

"I came as soon as I could, how is he?" Nicole is standing by the doorway, a welcome sight.

I meet her at the door, kissing her full on the lips. I am pleasantly surprised to see her there.

"You shouldn't have come…but I'm glad that you did." I smile at her, showing her my full appreciation.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away!" she says.

"Uh hmmm…" Samantha rudely clears her throat.

I ignore her fully and take Nicole by the hand ushering her into room.

"This is a private conversation, your presence is not needed Nicole."

"I want her here!" I say with vehemence.

Samantha and her false bravado crumble at her feet.

"Let me get your son," says the doctor; fleeing a potential explosive situation.

"I don't want this slut anywhere near my son." She says with venom.

I glance at Nicole, gauging her reaction, she is not moved.

"Really Sami, is that all you got? Don't you ever get tired of singing that old tune? I'm sure you lie awake night after night dreaming of the day you get to throw that in my face as though you will somehow get a different reaction than this. You hope to see me run around like some sort of banshee, is that it?

Not this day, and certainly not THIS woman; I leave that to lesser women as yourself, whose existence is governed by those of inferior intellect."

"Darling, don't let her get to you…" I intervene.

"No, no let me say this, I will draw a picture just in case my words are too hard to understand.

I am my own woman. I make my own way in the world. I cower to nobody; you think your words hurt me, think again. They only remind me how infantile you are. If repeating them over and over to yourself gives you any sense of superiority over me, you are mistaken. I am not beyond slugging you and showing you where you truly belong, beneath my high-heeled feet…midget that you are.

I came here for Johnny and EJ. You…are nothing to me; not even a blip on my radar screen…"

She moved so fast, but I am faster.

"YOU BITCH!" Samantha's hand flew directly into mine.

"Oh, no you don't!" I am between her open wrist attack and my wife. Nicole's lets out an incredulous laugh. She doesn't look at all threatened.

"Walk away Sami; you've lost your dignity. Walk away while you still have legs to carry you." Nicole says calmly, pacifying my own anger.

The doctor returns promptly with Johnny in tow. His hand is in a sling, the cast, a lime green.

"Look Daddy, look at my hand!"

"Oh wow, let me see. I lift him up gingerly, making sure not to touch his hand, a near impossibility.

"Oh…Johnny, come here. Come to Mommy!"

He looks at her, then at me. He's hesitant but remembers his mother finally. I let him shift from my hands into hers, watching every move, expression. Samantha's waterworks begin. She moves into the corner with him, leaving Nicole and me to watch from a distance.

"Are you alright?" I ask her finally.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me.

How's he doing?"

I take her hand in mine, squeezing it and tell her he will be more than fine.

"Here's the prescription, I mentioned earlier…"

"I'll take that!" I say without question.

"No I will take that," Samantha chimes in.

"Oh perhaps I didn't make myself clearer, Johnny's coming home with me! Come to Daddy, little guy!"

"No, you can't have him. Remember that you can't even see him without my consent!" she screams; her fright, palpable.

"I have a piece of paper, several in fact that says otherwise."

I place the paper on the coffee table between us. She's confused.

"Go on read it."

She picks them up while trying to balance Johnny on one hand above her hip.

"While you are at it, get Sydney too.

That is a Court Order, giving me temporary custody of my children for the foreseeable future!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!"

"With me darling, nothing is impossible!

…Sydney, get her to me NOW!"

5


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS; YOU CAN'T TAKE MY BABIES AWAY FROM ME!"

The scene from the hospital keeps playing in my mind, the desperation in her voice, the crazy look in her eye. Samantha must have read and re-read that document at least ten times before it finally sunk in. It didn't matter how I convince the judge to give the order in the middle of the night, only that he did and there was nothing she could do to stop me.

There is a contemplative silence in the car. The children are asleep in the back, at least Sydney is. Johnny is having trouble with his arm. How could one child go through all that he's gone through this year? Men six times his age have not survived even a third of what he's faced in his six meagre years in the world, I could not be more proud than I am right now.

"Are you okay, you seem awfully quiet after what happened today?" Nicole asks me.

How do I answer that? I have barely had a moment to breathe since finding out about the shooting and Johnny's kidnapping subsequently. If I was not careful, murderous plots sprouted unchecked when I thought too much on my son's disappearance and I revelled in their brutality. This shooter, whoever he is, better pray the incompetent SPD catch him before I do.

The more I picture snuffing out human life, it is not the shooter's face I envision turning a lifeless blue, it is my own. Do I tell Nicole that it is I who framed John Black; it is I who incited the public to turn violently against their own; it is I who put not just my son but my daughter in danger as well. How will she react to that?

"EJ…EJ!" she calls me back to reality.

"You look like you were a million miles away, are you alright?" she sounds concerned.

"I could have lost them today…Sydney and Johnny. I came close to losing everything, so very close Nicole!"

She takes my hand in hers.

"Yes, but you didn't…we didn't." She holds me tighter. "They are safe now, where nothing…no one can hurt them. I mean look at them; despite how crazy this day has been, they have handled it pretty damn well, Johnny especially. You found him, you made him feel safe. So stop beating yourself about 'what ifs' and 'what could have been'. Give yourself a break and enjoy having your children with you, as it should have been in the first place."

She kisses my hand as we drive through our massive steel gate.

I have doubled security, pending the capture of the shooter. I don't want to take any more chances where my children are concerned.

Sydney doesn't give up much of a fight when we tuck her in, she is out like a light the moment her head hits the pillow. It would have given me delight to see her reaction at her new room. We had it decorated with her current favourite animal, ponies. Next month it could be dolphins and should that be the case, I will not spare a single cent to make her very comfortable in her new home, her permanent home.

I am through playing roulette with my kids, this is where they belong and even though Samantha and her tears were putting on a show of the century, she showed her true self upon realising what losing custody actually meant, Nicole would feature more prominently in my children's lives than their own mother.

I could draw up a more favourable schedule for her to see the kids granted she keep her vile thoughts about my wife to herself. She underestimated me where they are concerned. I gave up my children when I feared the feud between me and Brady would escalate beyond my control, but I never intended to be forced out of my children's lives which is what Samantha had been doing to me for the past several months. The custody papers had an 'exit clause' so to speak; I covered myself in case an opportunity would arise. It did and now I can rest easy knowing that they're safe a few doors down the passage.

What ever crisis of conscience that led me to give them up, it has brought them back to me. I have bought back some measure of peace in my life as I stand by the doorway listening to Nicole sing my son to sleep. He is restless. I watch her hold him in her arms, as a mother, while they both struggle to remember to the words. She's teasing him obviously but it's so warming to watch how at ease he is with her. They had grown to love one another very much.

My wife, she completely ignorant of the impact she has on my children and how they have affected her as well, in fact more so. She has opened her heart to both of them that has often left her vulnerable. To the rest of Salem, Nicole is hardened, unbreakable shell, impervious, strong, and resilient. She is all that but they don't see what else is there, under the surface. I have seen the real Nicole.

They never heard the joy in her laughter or the pain in her cries. I know the real Nicole, a woman after my own heart. I tried to deny time and again what she meant to me, how I couldn't function without her, let alone live without her. She has laid herself bare at my feet and I can do no less for her.

"Daddy, I want you to sing me a song." Johnny says while nestled in bed with Nicole. It's picture perfect!

"Don't you like Nicole singing you to sleep?" I ask, joining them by the side of the bed.

"I do, she's funny but I want you to sing me to sleep, please Daddy. I won't ask for anything else I swear."

"Come on Elvis, how can you say no to that face?"

Nikki chimes in, barely containing her amusement at the prospect of me belching a lullaby out of tune; ironic how I don't possess any of the prowess of my namesake. Mother must be disappointed. If there's one thing I hate is having some dead singer to live up to.

"Maybe I should read you a story instead after you and Nikki gave me such a wonderful concert. I don't want to ruin it with my horrible singing." I say.

It was the truth; I was more than terrible.

Over a month ago I even dared to show myself in public donning a white studded jumpsuit with a scarf and wig to top it off. I looked beyond ridiculous, I couldn't pull it off but Nikki loved it. It was humiliating but I did it for HER! It won me a kiss after all so it wasn't at all that horrible. It suited me to let her think I was doing it for the mayoral campaign because having her know the truth was for some unknown reason still a prickly issue for me.

I was going out of mind with longing but I kept silent but my body, my heart sought her out none the less. Whenever she was near me I felt this pull towards her with a force comparable to gravity. I had done everything to repel her once and there was a time Nicole didn't want me anywhere near her but fate had other ideas. Unbeknownst to either of us, it had worked to bridge the chasm between us one brick, one day at a time. We couldn't escape each other even when we wanted nothing more.

Looking at her with my son, I am more than happy to have relinquished some control over my life; to be swayed by the tide that is her love and let it carry me to the ends of the earth as long as I am with her, nothing could be better.

"Look Johnny, he's afraid."

"No he's not! My Daddy is not afraid of anything!" he says passionately. A cloud seems to have settled on his brow.

"Of course he's not, he searched all over for you, even after that evil man shot at Grandmother Caroline's, YOUR father chased after him so he can find you. Your father is the strongest father in the whole wide world, nothing and no one scares him EVER!" She back tracks.

He's mollified by her affirmation of my superhuman capabilities.

"So how about that story instead, huh buddy?" she's working him.

"I guess a story would be nice," he relents.

Thank G*d! I go to the book shelf and pick 'Jack and the Bean Stalk'.

"Now move over so I can join you! (Nicole pulls away) Where are you going?" I'm surprised.

"You don't have to leave, does she my boy?"

He distinctively shakes his head.

"See…even Johnny wants you to stay."

"I know but I'm very tired and I think you need this, both of you. There'll be other nights." She smiles and then kisses the top of Johnny's ruffled brown curls. The warmth in my heart turns into an inferno.

"I won't be long," I assure her.

"Are you kidding? Take all the time you want, I think he needs you more." She says before lightly kissing me on the lips.

"Good night you two," she says before disappearing out the door, leaving us boys.

I move to the vacant space left by Nicole, still so warm. I wrap us both with the blankets, to ward off the night chill. His left hand is perched gently on a pillow. I place the book in front of him so he can see the pictures while I read. He likes it when I do that.

"Do you feel any pain?' I ask him suddenly.

He hasn't said anything since we left the hospital.

"You know you can tell me anything right? Johnny…?"

"It's nothing, promise." He evades me but I know something is weighing heavily on his mind.

I just wish I knew what it was so I can make it better for him. I let him know I'm not convinced.

"Come on it's me, I won't be angry. Have I ever been angry with you even when you took Daddy's things and hid them from me?" I try coaxing him to let me in.

He shakes his head.

"So come on tell me what's wrong, is it your hand?"

He shakes his head. That's how he wants to do this, he won't come out and tell me directly.

"Okay, will you give me a nod for yes and shake your head for a no?"

He bops his head up then down…uh progress.

"If it's not your hand, is it about today?"

Yes.

"Does it involve your mother?"

No.

It dawned on me he may not have wanted to come with me after my little confrontation with Samantha but he dispelled those doubts, quickly enough. He practically jumped into my arms when I told him I was taking him home instead of Samantha.

She mistakenly assumed he would choose to return to the loft but his vigorous pleas to go with me and Nicole shut her up.

"Did this 'something' happen before or after the shooting?"

He's puzzled, my question is all wrong so I simplify it.

"Did something happen before the shooting at the Pub today?"

No.

"Did it happen afterwards?"

Yes.

"Did it happen after I found you?"

No.

"Was it before I found you?"

Yes.

My blood is beginning to boil. I need to hold down the anger, fury bubbling under the surface…waiting. I look at his arm once more. Calm down EJ. CALM THE HELL DOWN! It's not what you are thinking, it can't be. The doctors checked him thoroughly or else they would have told me!

"Did the man…do…did he do something…to you?" I need to be sure!

He takes his time, the longest ten seconds of my life.

No.

I am not a praying man but I send out a prayer of thanks to Heaven for deliverance from the gaping mouth of hell I almost walked into.

"Did you do something?' I didn't know what else to ask since he wasn't so forthcoming.

Yes.

It's hesitant and wavering. What could it be? I try recalling everything from the moment I took him into my arms on that boat. It finally dawns on me what he's trying to say.

"Were you scared?"

Yes.

"Do you think I will be angry because you were scared?" I ask uncertain.

I hold my breath at this telling question. I'm equally afraid of his answer. He turns his face away so I can't see his face.

Yes.

One of his tears drops onto my hand, like liquid fire. It shames me that my son cannot be honest with me about something as important as being afraid. He's just six years old! Who wouldn't be scared when they thought they were going to die. Johnny was missing for almost half a day, too long for him to think the absolute worst

Johnny may have been more than frightened for his life and he felt nothing but shame. He won't let me see him cry. My son, embarrassed by his own fear; when I found him he had soiled himself and he was loathe to tell me.

When he was born I swore he would never endure the kind of upbringing I had from father and I love my father dearly but maybe in my efforts to shield my children I may have miscalculated and did exactly what I tried to run away from, becoming Stefano Dimera.

"Johnny, look at me; I LOVE YOU SON. Nothing you do can ever change that fact, do you hear me? Do you understand? Talk to me Johnny."

…Silence. He still won't talk.

"Do you know what I thought when I found you?"

No.

"I was so scared when I found out that you were missing I thought I could die from fright. But when I found you, I was so happy to see you that I cried. I didn't care whether you saw me or not. When you jumped into my arms, I didn't care that you were scared, we were scared together.

I did not care how you looked and the fact that you smelled of fish, if that man had thrown you in truck full of manure, I would have jumped right in just to get to you. I wanted to hug you so bad, to hold you and never let you go. We both ended up all smelly and it was the happiest moment of my life. Do you believe me?"

Yes.

"I'm so sorry you thought this would anger me, it doesn't. It only makes me very sad that you think you can't tell me things. I want to share things with you, not just the good ones only. Tell me when you are scared. It's even okay if you want to cry about it, I won't love you less.

Alright I will make you a deal. When ever either one of us is scared, we will not keep quiet about it, even when we can't do anything to make us fell better. Is tha okay with you?"

He finally looks at me.

"Daddy…I don't want you to read the book anymore."

"What, do you want me to sing, is that it?"

No.

"Can you stay with me until I'm asleep? I am scared to be by myself. When I close my eyes, I keep seeing the angry man's face. Boys aren't supposed to cry, he kept saying he was going to kill me if I didn't shut up but I kept crying."

His tears are no longer silent. I hold him closer to me, tugging his tiny head under my chin.

"He…he made me pee…myself. I didn't want to but I couldn't stop it. I wet myself and couldn't stop crying. When he saw me he got so angry with me, he pulled me up with his one hand because he had a gun in the other and he tossed me over into the boat. …I fell on my hand. It hurt so badly, I cried even harder.

I couldn't stop myself Daddy, I couldn't and then it got dark…" he cries into my chest, my own tears spilling into the night.

"Shhh Johnny, it's alright. You are safe now, he can't get to you anymore!" I repeat the words over and over; allowing them to sooth both our hurts.

Eventually he cries himself to sleep in my arms. I turn to switch off the bedside lamp…

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!' he jumps awake.

"Shhh, go back to sleep. I am not going anywhere, I promise you!"

I stay with him till the break of dawn; he is restless the whole night through, I barely manage to sleep for anything longer than a few minutes.

My heart is broken at what he's endured. If I could bear it all for him I would do it in a second…a thousand times over, just so he would never again experience that level of helplessness ever again.

8


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

"…THAT BLOODY WOMAN!"

"EJ please…the kids," she says reprovingly as she ushers the children into the family room.

It's Christmas Eve and we've just returned from Samantha's loft. Nicole convinced me to let the kids see their mother. I was against the whole idea and I was right. Johnny was clamouring to go see his Mommy, I said no but Nicole and her soft heart couldn't let it be. It must be her hormones because on any given day sticking it to Samantha would be her first priority.

"I DON'T…I don't care. She is playing games with me and I don't like it. I show her some courtesy (which she doesn't deserve in the least) and she not only throws it in my face but has the nerve to drag you into this."

"Johnny…Sydney, do you want to go check and see if Santa has left you any presents while I talk to Daddy for a minute…good!"

Her smile wanes as she turns to face me. For the first time since we left Samantha's she looks vexed. It matches how I feel.

"You don't have to give me that look? I know what it means."

One hour, that's all it took to reduce me into a ball of raging fire in front of my children.

"Good then you know what I am going to say but I won't say another word and rub salt into open wounds." She says moving into my embrace. "Sami can't hurt us anymore, I refuse to let her and you just have to do the same. She knew what buttons to push, not only did she push them she jumped on them.

I know you worry your pretty little head about me with this pregnancy, well let me tell you something, don't. I can take care of myself. I've had years of practise, no snide remarks or poorly veiled insults will pierce this skin. I love you and I know you love me and there's nothing she can do to change that.

Something is up with her, and I mean more than usual. When we picked up the children, that loft was more than cold, it was glacial and Sami just wanted to spread her misery around. Austin and Carrie looked like they couldn't get away fast enough and poor Marlena…I'm pretty sure she had to sit through another tirade of 'I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

She had one look at us and couldn't believe her eyes. Yes she heard about us getting back together and I'm sure just like what the rest of Salem must think, why am I with you unless it's about money or why are you with me unless I blackmailed you? It must have shocked her to realise how enamoured we truly are with one another. It must have finally sunk in that what we have is real and true and it must have hurt like hell."

"Are you actually defending her?" it was incredible.

"Bite your tongue, Lover; I'd rather be struck down by lightning. She was manipulating her children the entire time we were there because she doesn't like to lose, she never has. She knew if she talked about missing the children and mentioned a sleepover long enough, Johnny would be swayed to want to stay and her emotional blackmail would force you to capitulate and allow her more time.

I mean Sydney certainly didn't help her cause. I will never forget the look on her face when Sydney ran into my arms because she missed me while we were gone."

I can't help smiling, Nicole is right. Samantha did turn a shade of putrid green when Sydney did the unthinkable. I am amazed everyday at how at ease Nicole is with both Sydney and Johnny, more so with Sydney. It's like our little family is back together again, as it was in the beginning.

What surprises me more is that even after I found out the truth about Sydney's maternity, I never stopped thinking of Nicole as her mother. Nicole's proven to me a million times over that you don't choose your family, it chooses you and that exactly what my daughter did, she chose Nicole for a mother I don't care what biology says.

"That's probably why she zeroed in on Johnny instead; trying to make you seem cold hearted, unfeeling and down right selfish and cruel so Johnny could inadvertently plead her cause by making it seem like it was his wish all along.

Defend Sami…? I would rather crawl on broken glass on burning hot coals all day long than do such a reprehensible thing." She continues.

"I would much rather you kiss me instead, Mrs Dimera."

"Is that so?" I can taste her sweetened smile, warm and inviting.

She pins herself even closer to me and my imagination begins to run wild. Unfortunately two little children by the Christmas tree drag me back to reality.

Sydney walks over to us and tugs at Nicole's jacket, "Nikki…I want some milk and cookies!" she says in her tiny voice.

"Huh, milk and cookies; how could I forget…I promised, didn't I? You Johnny, do you want some warm milk and cookies? Well come on then let's go to the kitchen and see what treasures we will find.

You know you can join us, it's not exclusive or anything."

"I know I'll be there in a minute. There's something I need to take care of first."

"Alright suit yourself. (She takes both their hands) It's time for treasure hunting, what do you say?"

I watch them leave, warmed by the whole episode. I run my hand through my hair in frustration. I didn't want Nicole to know how much that short visit with Samantha had unsettled me, but I realise now that keeping things from Nicole is going to prove more difficult.

I don't know how Samantha guessed because there no other plausible explanation for this, she guessed my involvement in John Black's imminent incarceration. She hinted earlier this evening that knew something or rather someone in touch with her knew something. I most certainly can't afford this to derail now, not this close to the elections. So I am going to have to deal decisively with this and very soon.

It dawned on me that if she had real concrete info, she would not hesitate to use it, if it would serve her purpose. Today was nothing but a pissing contest to see who could actually outplay the other.

"Daddy where are you? Your milk is getting cold!" screamed Sydney.

"I'M COMING POPPET!" I shout back a reply.

I find them sitting around the breakfast table, each one holding a buttermilk cookie.

"Look Daddy, look what we found waiting for us?" Johnny shows me a wide plate with a variety of goodies on it, with a red bow stuck near the edge.

"Here's your glass of milk, I poured it myself…well Nikki helped a bit. She says if I drink all my milk, my bones will grow big and strong so I won't need any help is that true Daddy? Does that mean I won't have to wear the cast anymore?"

"I thought you liked the cast?" I point out to him.

"I do but it itches so much." He's sullen suddenly.

"Johnny we talked about this. It is supposed to itch; it means it's getting better. You know what the doctor says. He says that as long as you feel any pain at all, you HAVE to wear the cast. Is it still painful? There is your answer."

Great, I've upset him now. I didn't mean to lose my patience with him. I guess my mood still hasn't improved. Nicole gives looks at me, she understands.

"Johnny come here, want to feel something cool?"

He walks over to her side and she lifts him onto her lap. Nicole takes Johnny's hand and directs it to her tummy.

"Now if you put your hand right there, you can feel the baby move." She says.

The kitchen is suddenly too quiet. Then he just as suddenly they both jump with glee and Johnny starts to giggle. The baby moved and he loves it. The baby moved and all talks of casts and the sulking behind it turn to pure joy.

"He moved, he moved!" he says to her then to me and back to Nicole again.

"I know your hand hurt, my baby but if you are very patient and let the medicine to work; you will soon be able to take the cast off and your hand will be a-okay, okay?

You know something else? (He shakes his head) you and me are exactly alike, do you know why? I want so very much to meet my baby. I want to hold him like I am holding you right now and…like you I also have to wait. I have to eat my cookie and drink all my milk so he can be strong like you. It isn't time for me to meet him just as it's not time yet for you to take of your cast.

We both have to wait and be strong together. Can you do that? (He nods)

…Remember the story of Baby Jesus your Grandmother Caroline was telling you the other day? Do you remember that He was also inside His Mommy's tummy until it was time to come out and meet both his Mommy and Daddy? When he was strong enough He came and nobody could stop him.

When my baby is just as strong, he's going to want to meet you, me, Sydney and …"

"…And Daddy…?"

"Yes and Daddy too, he will meet all of us and your arm when it is strong enough we will take the cast off and the itching will stop."

"Do you promise?"

"I pinkie swear!" she sticks out her little finger.

He joins her finger to hers and Nicole repeats her promise. Johnny lifts his head and kisses her cheek, catching her by surprise.

"I love you Nikki," he says.

"I love you too!" she reciprocates the sentiment.

He then jumps down returning to his milk and cookie.

"I want to feel the baby too!" declares Sydney.

Nicole, after the wave of happiness finally lands ashore and regains her emotions she invites Sydney to her lap, holding Sydney's hand as she did with Johnny. And just like before the baby responds immediately. The scene nearly brings tears to my eyes.

"Daddy, Daddy it's your turn!" says Sydney, beckoning me with her hand.

And just like Johnny, she too delivers a kiss to the cheek and tells Nicole she loves her.

"I…I love you too, Sydney!" she says no longer able to hold back her tears of joy.

"I think it's time for bed you two," I say, while lifting Sydney to my arms. "It's getting late.

"No, no, no, not until you feel the baby move. You have to Daddy, you have to," she says to me.

"Oh alright…anything for my Poppet! But it's straight to bed afterwards okay?" I kiss her on the cheek.

I put her down but she takes my hand, directing it to Nicole's pregnant tummy herself.

"Don't forget to tell her you love her," she reminds me.

"Of course," like I could ever forget to tell her that.

I look into Nicole's eyes I want her to see me as I see her, my miracle and I do as my daughter bids and she is duly rewarded. The little one is quite excited tonight jostling about for my children's entertainment. Afterwards I kiss Nicole but unlike the two my kiss is on the lips, imagine my shock at being chastised for doing it wrong.

"…On the cheek Daddy," both children out.

"Okay, I'm sorry, let me try again!" I say.

I lean in and as she turns her left cheek to me, I pull her lips back to mine.

"No, no you are doing it wrong," Sydney breaks into giggles.

I finally give them what they want and every one is happy. I offer to clean up while she tucks in the children.

"Come give me kisses before going off to bed?" I ask, to which they comply. We all say our goodbyes and Nikki leads them to their respective bedrooms. I empty the contents of the plate back into the container on the counter top and dump the extra dished in the dish washer. I stand there for a minute trying to remember what to do next. My mind draws a blank.

"I love you too hot stuff!" Nicole sneaks in from behind me planting a wet on the side of my face before disappearing upstairs. I feel light-hearted, I completely forget the dishes; Cynthia will just have to deal with them.

Before heading back upstairs I check my messages…Samantha. My countenance drops immediately. She sent me a text message. I don't want to deal with her for the rest of the night. I am going to enjoy my Christmas. That shrew won't ruin it for me.

"We need to talk" it says.

She wants custody of the children back but more importantly she wants Nicole away from them. She made that perfectly clear today. She hated every minute of Nicole playing with Sydney and Johnny; I thought her head would literally explode.

"I will do anything and everything to get them back EJ, don't you for a second think that that lowlife tramp you call a wife is going to raise my kids. It will never happen, not while there's still breath in this body. You think I'm going to sit by while you can buy a judge and steal my children away from me; you've got another thing coming.

I do wonder though have you shared everything with Nicole about yourself now that you are supposedly this happily married couple?"

"Why, does it burn you seeing how happy we are?"

"I will take that as a 'No!' then." She said and walked away.

Samantha can't be that stupid that she would cross this line and make a true enemy of me. When she came after me, I let it go for the sake of the children. She is sorely mistaken if she thinks I will be just as benevolent this time round.

If she dares come near my family, I will bury her!

6


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30:

It's a new year. Everything is falling into place; this coming year represents a new beginning in every facet of my life. My campaign is pushing full steam ahead and I have not resorted to the mudslinging or dirty tactics alluded to by my sister and Abraham. He's just made it too easy for me to steamroll him without much trouble.

Judith is doing an adequate job of managing everything but it's so different to when Nikki was in charge. I always looked forward to the hunger I saw in her eyes when we would strategise about how best to undermine my opponent. My wife was just as driven to succeed and see me elected as I was.

Lying here in bed with Nicole's hand draped over my midriff, I miss those days when we were so in sync. She knows what I want before I even ask it. Part of the reason of me becoming mayor was so I could have her by my side as more than just my wife, but as my partner in every way. We would win as a team, taking Salem by the family jewels so to speak.

I am not complaining. There was a time when I didn't believe I would ever wake to find both my children living under my roof and to have Nicole this close to me. I have seen our life together, nothing compares to the peace I feel this very moment.

She stirs. Her confined movement is enough to wake me fully if the sun streaming the sliver of the curtains had failed to do so earlier. Her scent rises and fills the morning air better than the morning after fresh snow falls. Nicole tilts her head to face me.

"Happy New Year, Darling." I greet her with a morning kiss.

"Happy New Year!" she runs her finger up my torso.

It is the lightest of touches, but the effect it has over my senses is earth shattering. I pull her in for a more passionate kiss, holding her as though she would fly away if I dared blink.

"Oh…HAPPY New Year," she says after a moments pause.

"Shut up and kiss me!" I want her and I'm not shy to let her know it.

She doesn't hold back. We begin to engage in a dance of love, with her in control. I love it when she's in control. She pushes me down even more, leaning down to whisper in my ear…

"Make love to me! Make love to me, now!"

There's a yearning in her voice she looks deep in my eyes, speaking volumes of a want as deep as mine. I kiss her again and again until we are both out of breath. On and on we dance, expressing every thing we feel. Away from her I am lost. To me she is home…freedom…LIFE itself.

On and on we dance…caught in rapture immeasurable.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

The words pour forth from the very depths of my soul. I love her and even that expression itself is insufficient but it's the extent of this limited body, mind and spirit. My love for her grows in ways foreign to me. I am consumed and overwhelmed by it. The universe itself is not enough to hold it.

"I love you, I love you. Do you hear me? (Forcing her to look at me) rill the day I die and beyond that. I love you!"

She giggles and kisses me, "I love you too, more than you will ever know!"

On and on we dance.

2


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

"Mr Dimera there's a Miss Simpson to see you. I have told her you are quite busy but she insists that she sees you."

"Tell her to make an appointment if it's so important, Lucy." I don't need to tell you again."

"No of course not Mr Dimera, I apologise for disturbing you." she scuttles out my office.

What is it now? I thought I had dealt decisively with this woman. After her 'exposure' in The Spectator, she forced my hand. I was content to ignore her, but Candice Simpson wanted to play with the big boys. It is because of this woman Nicole almost lost her second baby.

She clearly does not grasp the concept of whom and what I am. I suspected that what ever Samantha thinks she knows about anything, someone must be feeding her crumbs. Ms Simpson is only one of the many who I am sure has an axe to grind where I am concerned.

I am doing her a favour by not meeting with her, giving her the opportunity to walk away with a lot more that what she will leave with if she doesn't slink out of here the same way she came in.

"I will see him whether he likes it or not. I have information that will interest him…"

"Mr Dimera is unavailable, I'm afraid. Ms Simpson I will be forced to have you removed by security…"

"…Not until I see EJ Dimera and say what I came here to say." She barges into my office.

I am sitting at my desk as she huffs and puffs her way past poor Lucy. She stands before me although I am looking down at her.

"We need to talk," she says.

"Ms Simpson let me offer you some advice, walk out that door and never look back. Whatever you've come here to say I am not interested."

I turn back to the papers in front of me.

"You're still here? I thought you were smart?"

"I am Mr Dimera, a lot smarter that you've given me credit."

She pulls out the chair, plonking herself unceremoniously

"That remains to be seen." I say not hiding my disdain.

She looks dishevelled, unkempt and I could swear a waft of a peculiar smell made its way in my direction. I sit far back on my hair, causing the chair o swivel slightly to the side.

"I need to speak to you, to look the man who cost me more than my job in the face." She says almost distractedly.

"I had you, I had you. For one brief moment, I held in my hands the very proof I needed to blow your whole campaign out of the water. What I had could have brought not only you down, this company, your father, Stefano…I had you all…"

Her voice fades almost as though lost in a train of thought that's out of reach no matter how desperate she tries to hold on to it.

"You got away with it but not this time…" she says while looking at me and through me at the same time.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I counter.

"Oh but you do, sir…you do.

I have a laundry list of crimes you committed, covered up in a number of ways varying in degrees. Men have disappeared from the face of the earth never to be heard of again, most have been discredited and threatened to the point of death that they've recanted their sworn statements to the police, not just in this town or state or even country alone.

Your name reaches into the furthest parts of the globe, spreading fear and torment wherever it is heard.

I found them, the people whose lives you've ruined, it wasn't all of them but I did find some, my father was a detective a damn good one he taught me everything I know about digging into people's lives and sniff out the skeletons best hidden. He was brilliant until your father ruined his career…his life…my life…" she says in that distant tone.

"You don't look yourself Candice, are you sure you haven't contracted some illness that's making you this delusional."

"I'm not delusional, EJ…I'm sure you don't mind if I call you EJ, considering how intimate we are. Now back to why I came here."

She opens her duffel bag and drops bundles of files in front of me. Some even drop to the floor between us, scattering papers everywhere. She picks them from the floor and drops them on the desk, struggling to keep them from shooting back to the floor.

"There it is; everything I have gathered for the last ten years or so. Each file represents a life, a family destroyed by yours. Don't you feel any remorse, any guilt at all?"

"Candice, guilt implies regret over some particular act. I have done nothing wrong hence I have nothing to feel guilty for." I say calmly.

"I guess it was too much to expect a full confession from someone as slimy as you. I finally crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's but you were craftier than I gave you credit. You are more than just that pretty face and accent. I thought there couldn't be anything beyond that English charm, I was so wrong.

For years I have been following your rise as some acclaimed race driver and lawyer and now business mogul running one of the biggest profitable companies in the world. I underestimated you and found myself out on the streets faster than I could think because I hit close to home. You and your wife are quite a pair. A match made in hell, no doubt."

"What ever issues you believe you have with me, leave my wife out of it. I won't be so kind next time."

"Ahh there's the EJ I came to see, not this false messiah to the people of Salem. You have no regard of others why should I care one bit about that slut you married. You can hire the best team to spin the truth however you want but I know the truth about you two. From baby kidnappings to attempted murders…quite a selfish pair you make. I just about died with laughter when I came across how your daughter came into the world.

Oh yes Dr Baker could hardly shut up when he heard about my intention to bring you down. He sang like a canary. He couldn't wait to share the inglorious details of his relationship with your wife, how Sydney came into your life. I thought of sharing all that he revealed to me but you're too much of a cold bastard for my taste." She leers at me.

"All I can say there's some justice in the world meted out by some higher power, and how your Mrs Dimera is carrying a Black offspring in stead, priceless. How's that going by the way?"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! I have heard enough!" I say, trying to contain my fury.

"But I'm not done…"

She sifts through the files on the desk tossing it in front of me one with just a name on it, 'Juergen Heitz'. I can judge from her posture she's waiting for some show of fear or trepidation on my part.

"What is this?" I ask.

"…Proof, after a decade I have proof of shady dealings and that name is all I need to finally ruin you as you have every other name in these files."

"Is this supposed to mean something to me? What have I to do with this Juergen Heitz?"

"That was your associate in Switzerland, your go to guy. He's the one who got his hands dirty stealing billions of dollars from honest people whose only crime was being in contact with another of your victims, John Black." She says, impressed with her delivery.

"Is that supposed to move me? I have no idea who this gentleman is or what his connection to John Black. Are you so desperate to bring me down that you think some random name will frighten me?"

"No I'm not that naïve, I thought maybe you would be interested to know that Mr Heitz killed himself several weeks ago. Apparently the guilt over what he did for you had been eating at him for quite some time. He turned into a recluse, shutting himself from the world and all who loved him. It was a full week before his body was found by his elderly landlady.

The old goat is still seeking counselling for the trauma of coming across a week old decomposing body. They say the smell has permeated every flat in that block."

"If this is proof as you so boldly claim, why aren't you at the police station giving your 'evidence' of these crimes I supposedly committed? It's all here you say so why aren't you there? Why not splash it all across your newspaper branding me a crook, thief, kidnapper and murderer by suicide or what ever? Isn't that your life's mission?" I ask her blankly?

"That's the kicker of this whole situation isn't it? Why aren't I spilling my guts to law enforcement; or better yet let Salem itself see you for the vile human being you are. You are truly disgusting in every way and deserve far worse than a jail term, paid judges and all even death is too good for you, the reaper is probably in your pocket.

No I have something far better in mind; I will take EVERYTHING from you as have taken from me. I have NOTHING because of you and that is exactly how I intend to leave you, with nothing; beginning with your family, then your wealth and finally your credibility." She says flaring in spurts of crimson.

'I don't take kindly to threats Ms Simpson. I have listened to you and have wasted my time. I am going to pretend I didn't hear that last statement. You seem like a passionate woman, find yourself another pet project to obsess over. You have nothing here but ravings of embittered individuals looking for a scapegoat for all the shitty things in their lives, you being one of them.

I'm sure you've been to the police with all your 'findings' and they showed you the back door, rightly so if you think your delusions about what I may or may not have done will give you peace, closure or vindication or what ever.

You are wrong when you say that you have nothing, you have something…your life. Now gather all of your scrapbook trimmings and get as far away from me…Salem…as your legs can carry you and don't stop, just keep walking because I will not stop at anything to protect what's mine. (I pause for maximum effect)

We do understand one another; you know I don't make idle threats."

Her self assurance turns to vapour at that very moment. It's dawned on her how she has bitten more than she can chew. She stammers.

"You don't…you don't threaten me Mr D-Dimera. I have taken certain measures to protect myself against you and anything you can do to me…" fear saturates every syllable out of her mouth.

"Really, how sure are about that?" I lean forward, causing her to cower like a beaten dog she is.

I more than frighten her but her anger and hatred for me, my name boosts her fledgling confidence enough for her to begin shoving all the files piled up on my desk.

"Make sure you get every single piece of paper.

Yes Lucy…?"

My assistant pokes her head through my door.

"Security is here sir," she informs me.

"Good, I'm sure Ms Simpson won't make a fool of herself as she's escorted out the building…won't we?" I address the lady on front of me.

"This is not over by a long shot, I know your weakness and I can squeeze just as easily and you won't see it coming. I have powerful friends…enemies you have crossed more than once."

I burst into laughter; I give her credit for seeing this charade through. She knows she has lost but she won't go down without taking one last put shot at me. She means to have me shaking in my boots. She turns to leave.

"Before you go, the likes of Samantha Brady are not what I would call powerful friends. Any body that has ever come against me I have crushed to dust. I am trying to save you here by asking you to drop this ill advised vendetta you seem to have harboured all these years.

You are outmatched, out gunned and out played. Go and live what ever remnant of a life you still have but in all kindness do it away from Salem. That is the furthest I am willing to offer this olive branch. I will forget you the moment you walk out that door.

You are a smart woman; it won't be hard for you to avoid me and my family. Disappear or else…" I say behind my desk.

"Or else what?" she asked unsure of herself.

"Or what you have there in those files will seem like a day in Disney.

Goodbye Ms Simpson, may we never cross paths ever again."

She gives me one final look, debating whether to take me seriously or not, I am sure. She closes the door behind her leaving me alone in my office.

I breathe out a long weary sigh, pushing out the last thirty minutes. My day has ended on a sour note. I hate being so worked up. Nicole is picking up on the shift in my attitude every time I come home. It started on that horrid Christmas Eve last year. And when I am not at ease it filters down to her.

Despite my reassuring her that all is well, she is clever enough to not believe me. Her doctor has stressed a million times how important it is to remain stress free but I can't seem to guarantee that. We are so in sync with one another, we know when the other is apprehensive over something, and nothing is hidden.

She knows something has me concerned. I hate this. I know that Candice will not talk knowing that it's not in her best interests but I can't say the same for Samantha. Before my reunion with Nicole, Samantha and I barely spoke let alone tolerated each other except for the kids and even then we kept contact at a minimum and no things have changed.

Not a day goes by without her calling me, emailing me asking me about our children, in particular, Sydney. Lucas has taken Allie from her and she claims she misses her daughter. I would never care if she wasn't as insistent as she has been over the past several days.

I have never known Samantha to be this concerned about Sydney's well being. Nicole shows my daughter more attention that her own mother and for Samantha to come out of the blue and be all about Sydney is odd. I knew she was in contact with Candice Simpson and after what transpired earlier today something is definitely up.

For a woman bent on destroying me, what she said about my daughter is kneading me. I caught her smirk as she revealed that she had been in contact with Dr Baker. It caught me by surprise but I don't get it. I replay the entire conversation in my head sifting, searching…for what I don't know.

"Oh yes Dr Baker could hardly shut up when he heard about my intention to bring you down. He sang like a canary. He couldn't wait to share the inglorious details of his relationship with your wife, how Sydney came into your life. I thought of sharing all that he revealed to me but you're too much of a cold bastard for my taste."

6


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32:

"As I have said before, it's all taken care of…I know father. I already checked to see how far she got, at this stage it's nothing but speculation and conjecture. We'd be having a different kind of conversation altogether if her bread crumbs lead directly to me, which they don't. She has hit a dead end…literally and can't make heads or tails of the information she has.

Mr Heitz did us a favour when he decided to end his life for what ever reason. I never dealt with him directly he never knew he was working for me. He was infinitely in so much debt when the opportunity for one of his debts to be cancelled came up he grabbed it. As far as he knew a Mr So and So helped him as long as he did them just one little favour, look away.

There are about a dozen or so more individuals likely to be suspected for framing John long before the officials even look at us. John made quite a few enemies years ago; it wasn't difficult to sway just one of them to go after him, subliminally of course. They have no proof. Ms Simpson is fishing; her deeply entrenched resentment for anything Dimera is clouding her perspective.

The Bradys are no different, the Salem PD has a harder time pinning down its own tail, let alone proving me the real thief. Yes they suspect us and blame us for John's demise just as they blame us for the weather. Due to Mr Heitz's timely death we're in the clear. They can speculate and suspect all they want; they won't get anywhere because not a living person knows of our involvement; not even the dead man himself knew.

I already have contingencies in place for any eventuality, Ms Simpson being one. If she values her life she will take my advice and disappear for good, but when has anyone ever listened to that kind of advice? No doubt she will attempt to strike at me. I almost wish she didn't but what would be the fun in that?

…How are the kids? They are wonderful, like they never left. Nicole is amazing with them especially with Johnny…Now don't you start, not only do I have to deal with Samantha and her screeching but I have Brady Black breathing down our necks, I would much appreciate to not be attacked by my own family where Nicole is concerned. She is my life father, so please accept that.

So when are you coming home, the children miss their grandfather? …No I can't get them on the phone they're down for the night…exhausted from their activities with Nicole; apparently they were treasure hunting throughout the whole house…Oh please let's not go there yet again; you know how I feel about this. Don't you tire fighting me on this…she's my wife father and she stays!

Okay, I understand…I will see to it first thing in the morning…because I've had a shitty day and I'd like to see my wife and kids before they are old and grey. Mmm hmm…yes…okay. It's fine; don't worry about it, see you soon.

Give my regards to Kate.

We will talk tomorrow, goodnight."

Why does talking to father always feel like a marathon? Everything is a challenge with him, he knows there is nothing to worry about yet he insists on double checking, no, triple checking every little thing and then checking some more. It's not his lack of faith in me that bothers me but his blatant disregard of his own health that is troubling. He knows he is not the same man he was a decade ago, hell even five years ago but that won't stop him from taking charge, further compromising his health.

And like a true Dimera, he will not take no for an answer and he won't stop until he has his way. Kate worries about him but what can she do, she is only his wife.

Speaking of wife I need to see mine tonight, I hate bringing work home. The little time I have with the children is grating enough. I miss going to bed with Nikki as much as I miss waking up with her. I look over the papers before me for another hour before they start turning to gibberish, barely making sense. The contract in front of me is turning my head into mush. I pick up another sheet of paper, what looks like a transcript, a conversation between two people, nothing at all about shipping, acquisitions as I expected. It doesn't make any sense.

"Damn it!" I need to take a break. I push back my chair and head upstairs, business can wait one more day.

Nicole is fast asleep. I curse under my breath; that is the third night in a row this week. I can't make a habit out of this. I will get in late tomorrow morning, in fact I will stay in, spend time with my family; something I haven't done at all since the year began. Father will just have to understand, he certainly won't be happy.

I sit on my edge of the bed, shedding off more than just the clothes on my back, but the heaviness of the day. Suddenly Nicole's hands come round my shoulder.

"You're awake? I didn't mean to disturb you." I say.

"I was waiting for you, I miss you." she says.

"I miss you too," I turn around to face her, she looks dead tired.

"You know you're supposed to take it easy, for the baby's sake. I don't want you to push yourself unnecessarily."

"It's fine; I'm fine. It was my pleasure, I love spending time with them plus they were no trouble at all." she looks away.

"No trouble at all…I know Johnny can be wild sometimes, Sydney is turning into a fire cracker just like her brother.

Whose idea was the treasure hunt anyway?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it does when it puts you at risk. Nicole…"

"Yes I know, I know; you don't have to give me that look. I will take it easy next time. We won't use the whole house, I promise." She smiles at me.

"Come here… (I'm holding her in my arms) It's my job to take care of you, to keep you safe from any and everything, including my two little 'uns…okay? Remember you are carrying precious cargo in there; I just want him…or her to make it home safely."

"He will."

"I'm being serious Nicole."

"So am I, I can't climb out of this bed without thinking about him. He's getting so big now. I know more than anybody else what the doctor said and thank you for worrying about me, but there's really no need; I won't break. I promise you. In fact I think playing with your kids makes me stronger, I see my goal before me and I am reaching for it with everything that I've got, so quit worrying I will shatter into a million pieces for chasing those wonderful children of yours all day.

I don't plan on doing it every single day of course, only when I am up for it and today was so great, I loved every minute of it, except for one…'

"What happened?" the worry is back in my voice.

"I got the strangest phone call, this afternoon. It was Crusty Candy. She was out of it, drunk, blaming you for ruining her life and how she wanted to destroy you as you did her."

"...Really? Is that all she said to you?"

"Yes, was there something else? You know you can tell me anything and I mean anything EJ. Something is up with you and I don't know what it is.

Since Johnny's disappearance, you aren't as free as you used to be. I thought that once they caught the guy that took him, you would settle down, you have or at least a part of you has. The other part, the one I can't get to somehow, you've locked it away. I've waited thinking you would open up to me but you haven't and I'm not known for my patience. I've sat back and watched you and I don't like it. You're definitely keeping something from me

And that phone call today…so is there something I should know about? Are you in some sort of trouble? Please talk to me; you can trust me my love."

She looks into my eyes, I can see the truth in them but I turn aside.

"It's nothing important." I try to brush it off.

"Please talk to me; I know something is bothering you. Are you in trouble? How can I be the best wife I can be when you are keeping things from me? And please spare me the 'I'm doing this for you,' excuse."

"But I am…"

"So there IS something going on. Come on, out with it!"

"Nicole, please…"

"No EJ, not this time. I'm not backing down. Is it about John?"

"N-No, why would you ask me that?"

"Uhm because he won his appeal two days ago and the court had no choice but to release him, provided he didn't skip bail. And I know how important the civil suit against him is to you and that his release, based on the new evidence doesn't help at all…plus I remember on the day of the shooting you kept saying to me it was all your fault; how Johnny could have died and it was all your fault. I didn't understand at the time but the more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to see."

"Nicole, let this go!"

'I can't do it, I'm not docile EJ, nor am I fragile; so tell me the truth this time. Is there more going on between you and John beside this lawsuit? From what I heard, it seems more and more that John was framed to look like the took all that money." She looks intently at me, she takes my hand. "You are not helping either one of us. Please don't shut me out. I worry when you are like this, I worry and it's not good for either of us.

Did you frame John? And Candice Simpson knows and she's black…mailing you?"

I am silent.

"Okay okay, we can deal with this. I'm sure it's not as bad as I imagined five minutes ago. It will need some serious spinning."

"Wait…wait I'm confused, what do you mean? Aren't you mad or angry with me?"

"Oh I am EJ, I am but I am also your wife and I love you. I am angry you did this but I am even angrier that you didn't tell me. I am your wife and there should be no secrets of any kind between us, ever. Secrets are like rust that eats away all the good.

We have been down this road countless times before and it's always ended in disaster; ultimately destroying us. I am angry you would do this to us again. We are supposed to be in this together as a team with no lies, no secrets."

"Nikki I am sorry. I just never found the right time to tell you. I mean I worked so hard to convince you to come and work for me. I never thought you would agree but you did. I couldn't tell you then, when you were waiting for the slightest provocation to quit and leave me; so I pushed it aside.

Then you told me you were pregnant, I knew right then I had lost what ever opportunity I had to be frank with you. I truly couldn't risk you worrying about this and losing the baby because of me."

"And how's that working for you?

Hmm and you think your kids are a handful?"

"I am truly sorry."

"I know, just be open with me from now on; even when you think I can't handle the truth. That is far more preferable than all the lying and the secrets. I can't deal with that EJ, neither of us can frankly; history's taught us that hard lesson.

I kiss her hand as gently as I am able. She is too wonderful for words. All my fears of this moment were unfounded. Nicole is my treasure.

"So tell me, what does dear old Crusty have on you?"

5


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33:

Dr B - "It was early, we all knew this. We couldn't stop it. Her contractions kept building and building. The blood pressure was through the roof. It was too damn early."

CS – "What happened next?"

Dr B – "All hell broke loose; I had to do everything I can to save the mother after she begged me to save her baby. I couldn't do what she wanted. I had to save the mother or risk losing them both.

She fell in and out of consciousness, the baby was coming whether we wanted it to or not. It was a natural birth for what it was worth. The little girl was so tiny she could fit in the palm of my hand…too early."

CS – "Was she alive?"

Dr B – "She was struggling to breathe, why wouldn't she with severely underdeveloped lungs? My nursing staff tended the baby who was fast turning blue. We did everything we could for both mother and child.

Typically the mother went into cardiac arrest; I have never worked so hard to save a life as I did that day. I managed to bring her back from the brink and stabilised her.

CS – "And the child…?"

Dr B – "As far as I knew at that moment, she didn't make it. Children born that early have a very slim chance of survival. Some are fighters, they hold on for a week or two, a couple of months at the most but it's very rare for them to make it through. It happens but that little girl, I knew she was a goner the moment I held her in my hand.

CS – "So she died then?"

Dr B – "…At that time? No. Like I said we did everything humanly possible to save her.

CS – "Doctor I'm confused, didn't you tell the mother that her child had died, that she never made it?"

Dr B – "Under these circumstances I have learnt that it's easier to spare the mother the pain and the grief of watching their child die; so I tell them immediately after the birth when the odds are mounted against the said baby's survival. There's nothing more tragic than watching those little ones suffocate to death despite modern technology.

That girl was no different than countless others in the past who didn't even live to see another day. I have had years of experience with this sort of thing.

CS – "So what happens if the child lives?"

Dr B – "That's easy, we simply tell the mother that a nurse made a simple error, and that these sorts of mistakes unfortunately are quite expected."

CS – "Really Doctor…? So your Black Market Baby business doesn't actually stand to benefit from this kind of mistake? I am sure it was much more lucrative to sell a baby who suddenly had no mother to claim her, which meant more profit for you.

Is that what happened to Mrs Dimera? You can answer me Dr Baker, no one else will know except you and me."

Dr B – "How can I be sure to trust you?"

CS – "Are you familiar with the phrase, 'THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND'? That's how you know.

Doctor, did the Dimera girl live?"

Dr B – "Yes."

CS – "I don't believe this, she's alive? Then where is she?"

Dr B – "You'll never guess,

CS – "Doctor don't waste my time, where is the girl? Where is Nicole Dimera's little girl?"

Dr B – "In the last place they'll…"

I read the sheet of paper for what seems to be the millionth time. It can't be, it can't be true and yet there it was in black and white. My daughter is alive somewhere in the world. This piece of paper has turned my world upside down. I can't breathe for fear that it's all a lie, a figment of my imagination.

My daughter is alive!

I turn the page to see if there's more on the other side, there isn't.

"DAMN IT!" I slam my fist on the table. I need to know. I have to know what happened.

"Honey, are you in here?"

It's Nicole; she's holding Sydney, balancing her on her hip. I slide the transcript between to files on the desk…she can't know just yet. Looking at her, I'm compelled to hold them both in my arms which I do without hesitation.

"Mmm that was nice but I'm afraid we hurt ourselves. She was chasing after Johnny and fell. Now she has this little cut above her knee and she wants her Daddy's arms. Here you go baby girl, go to your Daddy!"

I take Sydney from Nicole and sway her left to right trying to make her feel better. But I can't help thinking about the transcript, the little girl I had with Nicole; how she was ripped away from us both, my emotions are in turmoil. I am so full of anger, jubilation, fear and pure joy.

Our daughter is alive!

"Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost.

It's not as bad as made it seem, it's just a little scratch but I knew you would make her feel ten times better by just holding her, now I'm not so sure. You look like you could use a hug yourself."

'Come here," I beckon her to us.

We embrace all three of us; Sydney sandwiched between us.

"I love you both so much. I want you know that there isn't a single I won't do to make you happy."

"Aww, we love you too. Don't we, Sydney?"

"Ah-ha!" replies Sydney.

My eyes begin to water and Nicole sees this.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she whispers to me.

"I couldn't be happier, trust me."

She looks sceptical. How can I convince her without telling her what I found or even worse without any more information that what's in that transcript. My heart is bursting with the news that our little girl is alive. I am dying to share this with her but how do I begin?

First of all where is she? I'm already fretting and worrying over this news I can't put Nicole through that without knowing more than that Dr Baker lied, that he stole our baby and that she is being raised by someone, somewhere else.

I must find her and I know where to start.

"I guess you won't be joining us for lunch?" she says almost disappointed.

"No, I can't. I want to but I need to go meet up with someone, it's really important. I will make it up to you."

I will bring our daughter home!

"You promise?"

'I swear it!"

4


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

The second the door closes to my study, I start dialling The Spectator.

"The Spectator, Keeping you in the Know; you are speaking to Janet how may I help you?"

What the hell?

"This is Mr Dimera I am looking for Candice Simpson."

"I'm sorry sir Ms Simpson is no longer an employee at this newspaper," says the snotty receptionist.

"I am well aware of that, thank you…"

"Can I put you through to Mr Deveraux, our new Chief Editor; perhaps he can help you?"

"I don't need to speak to anyone else; I am looking for Ms Simpson personally. I need her current address and her previous ones, I'm sure your HR has them on file."

"I'm sorry Mr…Mir…" she fumbles.

"It's DIMERA!" I shout into my cell phone.

"Uh…okay then Mr DIMERA, as I was trying to say, I can't give you that sort of information. It's against policy. I can however give you her cell number where you can contact her." She breathes heavily through the phone. Janet is no doubt a big girl.

"Listen here Miss I-can't-get-a-real-job, unless you value that cheap desk at which you sit every single day of your useless life, you will give me what I want; Candice Simpson isn't the only one I have the power to have fired.

I will not ask again, I want Candice Simpson's home address now!"

Minutes later I am on the road, with blood racing through my entire body as I floor the accelerator. A mad man has better clarity than I do right now. What's become of my cold calculating exterior, unmoved by external pressure? I have faced every imaginable situation that's pushed my tolerance level, stretching them to breaking point and I have come out victorious, unbroken…now this.

I break every traffic rule that exists, sensibility be damned. My mind returns to the last words I spoke to the woman. I told her to disappear; I didn't care where she went as long as she was gone. Now I was praying she hadn't listen that her stubborn pride kept her in Salem another day.

I've made it. I double park my car in front of her apartment block; it's quite a dingy place to live by the looks of things. The walls have darkened from being too close to the industrial sector. The filth in front of the door looks as though it hasn't been touched in years; it's turned into a smelly mound I cannot ignore.

According to the piece of paper in my pocket, this is where Crusty Candy lives. She has finally lived up to her name. She is on the third floor, a studio. I take the stairs three at a time; the elevator, a sure death trap. The higher I climb the toxic the air becomes. I finally exit out the right floor and head down one direction, looking for 3D.

Two door down and I am standing outside her apartment. I don't bother knocking; I turn the handle and find it locked.

"...Bloody hell!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Open up the door Candice. I want to talk to you!"

There's no response. So I try again, louder this time.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Open the bloody door before I break it down, I know you're in there!"

…Still nothing. I don't waste any time before my foot is at the door, specifically by the lock of the door. I kick not once or twice but a total of four times before both door and frame groan and begin to splinter free of one another. All I need now is enough force to break the door free of its wooden frame. I step back, taking one last deep breath and put my foot squarely where I want it to land and eureka, the door flies open.

"Candice, come out here I want to talk to you!

Candice, CANDICE?" I shout into the empty studio apartment.

The studio is quite a contrast to the rest of the building. The walls are immaculately clean; whatever is there appears to be in its rightful place. Despite being reduced to the shady, run down part of town, Candice didn't live down to her lowered circumstances. Upon closer examination I make note that the apartment is rather too clean, too quiet.

No.

It looks like I came too late. There's nobody here; there's nothing here except shitty furniture, rubbish left behind. I came too late. Candice Simpson has flown the coup along with any knowledge of my daughter's whereabouts and it's nobody's fault but my own.

Damn it, it can't end here! I refuse to accept this. It looked like she left in quite a rush. I start looking through the apartment, searching for what I don't know. Like a mad man something within me takes over. There isn't a drawer I don't empty, the sparse contents of cupboards dangerously tossed to the clean floor. There is nothing. No paper, photo, anything that could give me a clue as to where this woman went. She's taken everything that is worth something. I am no closer to getting what I want than I was hours ago.

I can't give up! I can't give in. I am helpless; this wretched emotion is gnawing at my very being.

"…NOOOOOO!" Damn it, I can't let it end like this. I will not. Get yourself together Dimera, she hasn't gone far. This world is not big enough for her to hide. There is no rock large enough for her to crawl under; she knows this; so use your head.

I'm standing buy the window when I hear movement behind me. With lightning speed I turn to see who it is and jackpot, it's Candice. She is several steps in her apartment. Our eyes lock for what seems to be a century. I can see the wheels turning in her eyes. In a split second she's seen all that will happen here, should she choose to fight rather than flee. Just as quickly, she flies out the door but I am on her before reaching the safety of either neighbour or stirs.

"…Oh no, you don't!" I tell her.

I try dragging her behind me by the back of her jacket. I'm leading her back into the apartment, she's does not go without a fight. After her first punch towards my face, it was safer to bind both her arms with mine; lifting her to her feet and soon enough we are back in her studio.

"Get inside or so help me G*d!" I command her as I close the door behind me, or try to considering my damaging it earlier. She steps away from me, far away; good.

"What are you doing here?" She asks.

She is stalling.

"Let's not play games you know what I am doing here."

"No I don't, last time we spoke you specifically told me to get out of dodge. You didn't want to see my face or even hear my name and now you're here; all across town, in a bad neighbourhood. You could be looking for a really good time for all I know."

"Oh but you do know me, you KNOW why I am here. Tell me where she is." I say almost too quietly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she counters.

"We are both intelligent people here, I see no need for me to draw you a picture. Tell me where she is now!" I say with much more menace, she takes a step back.

She looks at me and takes another. The window is behind her, maybe she can use that to escape, her body language says to me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. We're three floors up and you don't have a fire escape.

"Please let me go, you told me to leave, that's exactly what I am doing. I will never bother you again. I will keep my mouth shut I swear it, just let me go." She pleads.

"Tell me what I need to know."

She's like a caged animal and I'm but minutes away from living up to every bedevilled image she's ever had about me.

"I'm being most civil Candice, I won't ask again. Where is my daughter?"

"With your wife, how should I know?" she yelps.

I start walking towards her, her panic, fear is so heavy in the air; the blind could see it and the deaf would hear. She tries to side step me but I am too quick for her. The cheap plank table did half the job for me, she fell over it. I lift her to her feet only to slam against what is, I assume, a kitchen partition.

I pin her arms right against the wall, she's truly caged with no means to escape, and I tower easily enough for her.

"You will tell me what I want to know or only one of us is leaving this dump of a place and I will give you a hint as to who that will be.

Now, where is she, where's my little girl?

LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!" I slap her once.

"TELL ME, TELL ME NOW!"

"I…I don't know," she says in barely a squeak.

"LIAAARRRRR!" My hand moves to her slender neck…

"Please, please don't kill me, I'm telling you the truth. I don't know where she is I swear to you on my parents' grave I don't know where she is." She begins to sob miserably before me.

'Then tell me what I need to know, I found this with my papers this morning. It's yours, isn't it? CS, Candice Simpson. It's a transcript of a conversation with that bastard Baker, isn't it?

I shove the sheet of paper in her face.

"I admit it's that's mine and yes that's me and Dr Baker, but he never told me her where about. He said it was his insurance. By keeping quiet he thought nobody would come after him. He said your father had tried once to kill him and he managed to survive that attempt; so he would not tempt fate by making himself your target when he already had a life's time worth on his back. He still owed too much money to too many dangerous men. He never told me I swear!" she says in a flutter.

I don't believe her and she knows this but she's trying every trick in her arsenal to get me to back off. I tighten my hand a bit more.

"Please I can pro…prove it to you; just give a minute to get my file. It's in the car…" she tries to slither from my grasp.

"Oh no, you don't," I slam her hard against the wall. "You are not leaving this apartment until I am satisfied one way or another. I want to here from you what Dr Baker said and don't lie to me.

Start talking, I want to know everything." I release my hand only a little.

"It was about two years ago, Dr Baker had just been imprisoned. I have contacts just about everywhere so when I got a call about a doctor who was a baby broker and Nicole Dimera's name came up, I was interested.

My contact told me all he could about this Dr Baker but I wanted to meet with the man himself. I started visiting him regularly trying to get him to trust me enough with what he had on Mrs Dimera. She was supposed be in prison for kidnapping but somehow, was pardoned and her record expunged so I was interested.

I thought of approaching her, to get what ever dirt I could from her, woman scorned and all. You sent her to jail so I initially thought she would help my cause. At the time your wife hated you as much as I did but something but something held me back. She stole your own daughter back for you so I figured that maybe she wouldn't help me after all so I went back to Baker.

But he would talk. Week after week, I went to see him same day, same time but he always said no. I told him I knew people who could make his life easier behind bars. He wouldn't take the deal. It turned out there individuals who made his life rather difficult and according to him there was nothing more to be done except to make things worse.

He always gave me scraps to keep me coming back for more but never enough to use. That transcript was during our last visit, I was finally getting somewhere and had built some trust I thought he would finally let me in. he never did, I came back a week later, same day, same time. The guards told me he was unavailable.

There was a prison riot some days earlier and baker was caught in the heat of it. He pushed for a day or two before he finally died.

5


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35:

This can't be, not when I am this close.

"You're lying to again. Candice I don't take kindly to those who lie to me, I want the truth and I want it now." I say, my temper finally simmering down.

"I AM telling you the truth; if you let me go I will show you everything I know, everything that Baker told me."

I look over my shoulder; her duffel bag is between us and the door.

"You better listen and understand, I will only give you just one chance, you even dare to thing you can screw me over, and I will not hesitate to kill you. Don't let this suit and face deceive you into thinking I have some moral compass.

Are we clear?"

She nods her head vigorously. I finally release her neck.

"Good, now show me what you have in that bag of yours."

She looks at me and then the door, unsure if I will make good on my threat.

"I don't appreciate being threatened Mr Dimera," she says trying to muster some of her wavering inner strength.

I have seen this before; countless souls mistaking the calm before the storm, thinking they can outrun it. They always find out when it's too late that it is inescapable; I am inescapable.

"I don't make threats Candice, I make promises and I keep every one of them. So choose now, stay and live or run and die. It really doesn't matter to me one way or another."

She takes a few more seconds to think it over. She heads towards the door or her bag, I cannot tell with my back facing that same direction.

After a gravely quiet minute or two Candice throws her bag in front of me.

"I tell you everything I know and then we are square, right?'

"I will be the judge of that, thank you."

She turns her little cheap table the right way up before rummaging through the bag. She piles each file on the table, her intent is not lost to me. Each file is a name; a family no doubt destroyed by my family. She is trying to shame me. Odd how it's not working, I am here in this filthy place for one reason only, the only thing I care about, finding my daughter. All those other names matter to me as much as a gum stuck under my shoe…nothing at all.

"You're wasting my time." I exclaim.

What is the time, how long has it been since looking into Nicole's eyes knowing what I know and keeping it secret. I hope I won't need to keep this secret for long, I can see her face now as I bring our daughter home. I will not rest until I make that happen, Dr Baker's untimely death, if he really is dead, will not stop me.

"Here it is. That paper you had is page 87 of 103 in total. I have the original tapes, which I also converted to CD format.

This is everything I have regarding Dr Baker and his kidnapping of your child.

I did all you asked, I guess that my cue…"

"Excuse me did I say you can leave?" I ask while paging carefully through the transcripts.

"I thought since that is everything, you said I could go."

"Don't put words in my mouth young lady, I said no such thing. I said I will judge whether or not we are square…and looking at this, we are a long way off from being, what is that word you used, square. I am not satisfied that this is everything."

"But EJ…"

"Please, please call me Mr Dimera."

She gives me a look so say "…Seriously?"

"Yes I am being serious."

It's always good to clarify a person's role in the hierarchy. Ms Simpson at the moment is unfamiliar of the position she has inherited but she will know soon enough. So all these looks of condescension from her up turned nose are about to come to a crushing stop; five minutes ago she thought she was my superior but I am about to let her know just how wrong she has been all along.

"Mr DIMERA, I was under the impression that you would let me go after I gave you everything I had." She says, still looking down at me.

"Well you thought wrong. I understand that you are currently unemployed, nobody wants to hire you from what I gather."

"And whose fault is that, if I may ask."

I smile at her.

"Even if I can't get a job here, it doesn't mean there aren't other places to look."

"Oh my dear you've looked and I am pretty certain nobody wants you, they won't touch you, not even with a ten foot pole, am I right or am I right?"

"You bastard, I had a successful career and now I am worth nothing because of you."

"And whose fault is that my dear?"

"Let me go. Please, please let me go, I won't say a thing against you I swear it."

"I've got something better in mind; I would like you to…work for me, on contract of course."

"You must be out of your damn mind if you think I would ever be caught dead working for you. I would rather go the way Baker did than ever, EVER work for you." she says quite passionately.

"Let's test that theory of yours, shall we? I have it on very good authority that you madam are not as upstanding or ethical as you would have the rest of Salem, in fact the rest of the country believe.

You go on and on about how my family ruined your life, did you ever wonder why your father ended up working for mine? We don't corrupt good citizens, they are spoiled already by the time they join our ranks.

But I am not here to talk about him; this is about you…working for me."

"…Over my dead body!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves; you haven't even heard my terms.

I want you to finish what you started. I want you to find out what happened to my little girl."

"What is it worth to me, if I do this for you?"

"This slippery slope you are on stops, right here and right now. You get to have your life back but only as far I deem fit. You will work for me and only me regardless of whatever job comes your way."

"You must think I am an idiot, don't you? I WON'T WORK FOR YOU, not now and certainly not ever!"

"I have a file of my own that says otherwise. You Miss Crusty Candy have been a busy woman. You went to Georgetown before landing in Columbia University, studying English Comparative Language and Journalism but that's not all you majored, is it?

It must be hard coming from a poor background, to find your self an outcast so far away from home. But like everybody else, you wanted to fit right in, to be like all the other girls, who had all the latest clothes, dating or should I rather say screwing the hottest guys every other night. Those girls loved to play hard and you played harder, showing them how much better at you were.

Everything was going perfectly; you became one of the gals, had the attention of the most sought after jock or whatever he's called. His name was…what was his name again? Maurice Rushmore, son of a Senator if I'm not mistaken.

He was your 'everything' I believe that's what the report said; there was nothing that he asked that you didn't do. You were inseparable. I thought nothing of it until it hit me, Senator Rushmore only had one son and that son was a known drug pusher, in my circles. His father quashed any scandal brewing from that connection; nobody could know what a disgrace he was.

You made a lovely pair; only that you actually weren't a pair that is. You were girl number whatever in his harem of drug infused, drug addled pawns. At first you were happy to being one of his girls but you are quite an ambitious woman; always have been. Therefore it didn't take you long before being his only girl consumed you. You had to get rid of the other girls but how to do it; you probably agonised over that question for days.

What's wrong my dear, you look pale. Did I say something to upset you?

One truly funky reputation, three girls in the hospital and Rushmore finally realising what a gem you really were; you finally had everything you wanted.

But that wasn't enough anymore, you deserved more. You had your way with anything that walked on two legs; guys, girls it didn't matter anymore. A whole new world was opened to you and there was no going back.

Maurice was too easy for you. You swapped roles, he, became your subservient. You loved having that power over him, and he being sick of you finally broke it off. That wasn't even the worst of it. A week after the break up Tammy Crane waltzes in with her bouncing ponytail and girl next door persona and I'm sure you lost it. You could have anybody but Maurice was yours and nobody else.

Tammy WAS you only months before the sex, drugs and alcohol had their way…"

"STOP IT, stop it, I've heard enough!"

I look at her one more time. My words have the desired effect. Candice Simpson is now the clay and I am the potter.

"I've only just started.

You need to understand something, your life is no longer your own. Blame your over zealous hunger to see me pay. I am master in this game and you would do well to remember that.

Find my daughter and we will forget this little conversation of ours about the good ole days ever happened."

"I hate you!" she says vehemently.

"I don't care. I care about what's mine and I will do ANYTHING and everything under the sun till I am happy.

Do we have an understanding?

What, I can't hear you. Could you please speak up?"

"I said FINE, we have an UNDERSTANDING!

I will do what you ask." She grunts.

"Good, until I say otherwise, your ass is mine!

Plus another thing, I want to know what you have been saying to that bitch of an ex of mine, Samantha?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about,"

"I thought we discussed this already, NO LIES!"

"I have no idea what you think I've done but I have never spoken to your ex wife, ever. If she said something, it didn't come from me."

"You're lying, that means our deal is off!" I begin to shove all the files on the table into the duffel bag, I leave nothing behind. "Goodbye!" I'm heading for the door.

"Wait, wait, WAIT; I'm sorry I wasn't thinking please EJ, I mean Mr Dimera. What I meant to say was that when I did speak to your ex wife but I never mentioned your missing daughter; we talked about the times you were still together and nothing else.

Please wait."

I stop just outside her door.

"I am feeling a somewhat charitable today, Candy so I will give you one more shot but please don't push it.

I will keep these and any other copies you may have. I want it all Candice. Come by my office, first thing in tomorrow morning to iron out any other kinks left unattended."

She looks quite miserable, I love it!

"Congratulations Ms Simpson, I look forward to working with you.

And in case you missed it the first time. I expect full dedication from all my employees anything less I will be forced to take steps, take that as you first and last warning.

What I know will land you behind bars but what I will do, will land you six feet under. What you do from now on, I leave that entirely up to you.

6


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

"What time is she coming?" Nicole asks.

It's been over a month since taking the children away from Samantha. Against my better judgement I have allowed her to keep contact with the children. She's allowed a whole weekend every fortnight to be with them, a hell of a lot more than what she did for me, something about missing them and them missing her.

She tells me she's been rather lonesome since her separation from Rafael. I don't know why she would think I care whether or not she's having marital problems with that brainless ogre.

"She should be here any minute now. This is the only time she gets to spend time with Sydney and Johnny without me hanging over her shoulder, trust me she wont miss this for the world."

"Do they have to go? The house is too quiet when they are not around and I always miss them like crazy, especially this little one," she says while holding Sydney close to her chest. They are playing with Sydney Princess set. I have never seen either one of my girls this happy. She's adjusted very well to her new surrounding, why wouldn't she when Nicole has made it smooth for both my children. Every day I am amazed at how magnificent she truly is.

As I look at Nicole I can't help wonder what she would have been like with our own bundle of joy, if she is already this great with Sydney. It's not lost to me that Nicole has always, always loved my children as her own but I wonder if a part of her is reserved from ever giving herself completely to my children because of Samantha.

The animosity between me and the mother of my children has grown exponentially over the last eighteen months. I can barely stand to look at the woman but I am forced to at least tolerate her for the sake of the children. As their mother I have seen Samantha at her best and most recently at her worst.

Since her break up she has become rather unpredictable. One minute she is warm and the next she is cold toward our little arrangement. I have seen her look at Nicole with venom in her eyes when Sydney shows more enthusiasm for her stepmother than for her own mother. Because of that Samantha's over the top, over compensation is grating on my nerves.

"Come Sydney, let's go brush your hair; your mother will be here soon." Nicole says, taking Sydney by the hand and disappearing out the door. Johnny and I are left by ourselves in the family room.

"Daddy, are we going to have a new brother or sister?"

Where did that come from? I had never spoken to my children about Nicole's pregnancy and how that will affect all our lives. She is carrying Brady's child but I feel so connected to him or her (we still don't know the sex of the baby) and the fact that I have been there from the very beginning…I feel something…

I have been to every doctor's appointment, held her hand through it all when Brady was not there to ruin it all. Dr Monroe is used to seeing my face more so than Brady Blacks. I guess his sentiments have not changed after all. This unplanned pregnancy has not warmed his heart to the idea of being a father. His lack of commitment is galling to say the least.

Now with the news that our daughter is actually alive somewhere, how do I answer Johnny without adding confusion to an already confusing situation? Candice has made progress albeit, a little. She has managed to track down some of Dr Baker's staff from his free clinic, which was a front for his black market baby business unfortunately they knew little to almost nothing about that side of the clinic.

According to my new investigator and keeper of secrets there are still a few names to check out. She needs to track these people, particularly a former nurse and companion to Baker. She is possibly his accomplice in running this whole operation; he couldn't have done it alone. Candice is very much aware of that fact.

My dear old Candice has loathed being under my employ that I call her everyday to get a progress report or on the hour just so I can annoy the hell out of her. She needs so desperately to be broken that I've made it my third priority. The first priority is finding my daughter and bringing her home to her family; the second is keeping Samantha on a short leash.

The door bell rings, speak of the devil.

"Mr Dimera, Samantha Hernandez is here," Cynthia announces my wretched guest.

"Thank you Cynthia, show her in."

"Alright sir," she says then disappears only to be replaced by Samantha.

"Hello EJ."

"…Samantha…" I tip my head in greeting.

"Mommy, Mommy look what I did," runs Johnny to his mother showing her his latest work of art.

I am curious to see her reaction.

"It's a drawing of our family. There's you and Rafe, me and Sydney and Nicole with Daddy. I drew a little baby (a little squiggly stick figure between what appears to be me and Nicole), because she is going to have a baby. Do you like it?" he asks his mother innocently.

Her scowl is unmistakable but Johnny is still young to know these things.

"It's wonderful honey…one big happy family. Where is Sydney, you know how I hate to wait." She begrudges.

"Yet somehow I don't seem to care Samantha. Sydney is with Nicole. I would ask you to make yourself comfortable but I would hate to seem gracious. Had you been here earlier, there would be no need for you to wait." I explain.

"I couldn't come earlier; Rafe was there to get the last…"

"I don't care about your problems Samantha. I don't care whether he left you or you left him, he could be on a journey to self discovery in Timbuktu to collect his intelligence and I still would not care. I don't care that you have lost your reason for being; I care only about my children and whether or not I want them near you. If Johnny wasn't so adamant that he wanted to his mother, we would not be having this conversation at all."

"He's my son; you can't keep him away from me. You can't keep them away from me, not now, not when I have lost everything else. You have taken everything away from me; you, my lousy mother, John, Lucas, Carrie…Nicole.

I won't let you take them away from me; Lucas already has Allie and Will's moved in with them. Johnny and Sydney are all I have now and I will hold on to them I don't care what you say."

"Johnny can you go into the kitchen and see what goodies Nicole has packed for your weekend with Mommy, can you do that for me son?" I turn to Johnny as I speak.

"Okay Daddy," he flies out the family room leaving me alone with his mother.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you and I don't want to know. Unless you can master your negative energy around my children and keep your opinions to yourself where Nicole is concerned, you and I will have no problems otherwise you know where the door is and you will leave her the same way you came, alone."

"I just don't want the bitch of a slut you call your wife around my…children. I don't want her filth anywhere near them."

"I am warning you for the last time, you will never speak of her in that way to me ever again, so help me Samantha. Nicole is amazing with both Sydney and Johnny and whether you like it or not, she is a part of their lives, she will always be in their lives if I have anything to do about it. Suck it up Samantha and deal with it."

"Stop it; I don't want to hear anymore. She is NOT their mother do you hear. I AM. I will always be their mother, not some porn sta…"

SLAP! That's it! She pushed me too far.

"THAT'S ENOUGH, SAMANTHA! I won't warn you again, not another word about my wife, not in this house and certainly not to me. You want to spend time with the children fine but understand this; I can easily revoke any visitation you have with them if I feel I can no longer trust you to keep your prejudices to yourself.

I love Nicole, the children LOVE Nicole, get used to it or die miserable and alone!"

"You hit me. I can't believe you actually hit me!" she gingerly caresses the left side of her face.

"I will gladly do it again if you provoke me one more time." I say without remorse.

"…You bastard! I am going to make you pay; you and your precious Nicole!"

"Keep pushing me Samantha and you will soon find out what really happens to all who cross EJ Dimera.

"Who is the prettiest girl in the world?"

What perfect timing, Nicole is back with Sydney. Samantha has turned a shade of green.

"I AM, I AM," Sydney squeals with glee as Nicole twirls her back into the family room.

"Who is the prettiest girl?" this time Sydney is the one who asks.

"Oh that's easy, YOU ARE, YOU ARE…

Oh my, did we interrupt something?" Nicole looks at me, then at Samantha before coming back to me.

"No nothing at all, we are just finishing up. Everything is sorted, isn't that so Samantha?"

"Give Sydney to me Nicole, I want her NOW!"

"…Okay, go to you mother Sweetheart but give me a kiss first."

Sydney complies before being led to where Samantha stands.

That simple action pains me somehow. Why does Nicole have to give Sydney to Samantha? It's not right. My beautiful daughter must sense that something is the matter because on any other day she would have run into her mother's arms but not this time. In fact I am hard pressed to remember a day when Sydney acted with Samantha as she always acts with Nicole.

I must be losing it. I must be so desperate to find our missing child that I am fostering all those feelings towards Sydney. Samantha is Sydney's mother…or is she? No, no, stop this. You are not thinking clearly Elvis Dimera. Don't let your hate for everything that is Samantha Hernandez mucky your judgement of a completely separate situation.

"Nicole, just remember she's my daughter, not yours. And please I never want to see or hear you kissing either one of my kids; I don't know where that mouth has been."

"Whatever Sami, as much as I would like to stay and trade insults with you, I have a doctor's appointment." Retorts Nicole.

She walks to where I stand, looks into my eyes before giving me the most sensual kiss I ever had.

…Mmm…

I can hardly hear Samantha speak, what ever she said was probably derogatory. It doesn't matter

"I love you and see you very soon," says Nicole.

"I love you too," I can't help smiling at her.

"Goodbye, my Angel, she says to Sydney, then turns and leaves.

For a minute or more the room is quiet. We are both preoccupied and Sydney, she's waiting for pone of us to say something.

"I think I'm going to sick. I can't believe you would do that in front of your own daughter."

"What would you have us do, bicker and fight constantly like you and your beloved Rafe? Please Samantha, don't use your poor marriage as a measuring stick for what Nicole and I have. I would never do anything to harm any of my children by exposing them to something that will forever damage their psyche. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sydney darling can you get your brother we are leaving!" she says practically shoving her out the room.

A minute later they walk in side by side, Cynthia is two steps away. Johnny, upon see his mother rushes to her to get a kiss and a hug, much more than the reception Sydney received. I can feel anger building up inside of me. How dare she be so cruel? For a long while I have noted Samantha's detachment from a majority of her children, all except Johnny.

With four children, I would think she didn't have time to play favourites. She was all mother bear when Nicole was in the room, now that she is gone; she's fallen into her despicable trait of favouring her son over her daughter. It is something I have struggled with for years now but I guess it stems from having Nicole raise Sydney for the first year of her life.

Samantha must rue the fact that she lost what is essentially the most important stage of a child's life. She missed all the milestones that Nicole didn't; like her first word or when she began to sit or crawl or stand on her own two feet. Samantha can never have those moments back but she's had plenty with Johnny. She's bonded with our son where she has failed to with our daughter.

I would feel sorry for her for not having that same connection I have with both my children had her maltreatment of Sydney been an isolated incident but Allie has suffered just as much. Samantha is unfortunately neglectful of her children, the only reason I have agreed to this visitation madness is because Nicole convinced me to keep my children's mother in their lives. She thinks that having both parents present in their lives will create a balance that is often missing from children raised in broken homes (I hate that term).

"Cynthia do you mind taking the children to Samantha's car, I need to speak to her for a minute and I don't…want them to hear, thank you so much.

I wait to make sure the door is closed so they won't hear us.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I know you to be many things Samantha but I have never seen the levels of distaste in as of five minutes ago?"

"What are you talking about?" she asks innocently.

"I mean you and Sydney compared to you and Johnny. It's like she's a complete stranger to you and not your daughter."

"I have no idea what you are talking about…"

"Oh don't play stupid with me; you know exactly what I mean. I have watched you day after day since you found out that Sydney was yours and not Nicole's. At first you were affectionate as to be expected but lately that has all changed and it stops now do you hear me!

You have a beautiful daughter who loves you but somehow I get the feeling that she's like a second class citizen in stead of your own flesh and blood. I understand the transition must have been difficult for you but SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER for goodness' sake, try your damnedest to treat her that way or else I will keep you from ever seeing her again."

A play of varying emotions flickers through her face, shock is first, then embarrassment before settling on anger.

"And whose fault is that, huh?" She screams at me.

"You can't blame Nicole for this, she had Sydney for less than a year, you've had close to three years…this is not her fault. It's your doing entirely and I will not stand it a minute longer!" I raise my voice back to her.

"It's precisely her fault; I LOST my daughter because of your slutty wife!"

My raised hand stops just inches away from her face. She cowers but stands her ground.

"You want to hit me again, go right ahead, I dare you!

You and Nicole are nothing but low life cowards. You EJ, you prey on those you think are below you. I'm not below or beneath you EJ Dimera.

"GO! Go now before I completely lose it!

As for this little arrangement of ours, the deal is off! For the sake of the children, you will have Johnny for the weekend since he's been looking forward to it but Sydney; she's not going anywhere with you. I don't want you anywhere near her do you understand

You will see my kids, when I say, where I say.

Now I'm going to get my daughter after that I want you gone.

By the way, if you have any thoughts whatsoever about running away with my son. I will hunt you down like the filthy c*nt you are!"

I didn't wait to see her no shock and horror reaction. I am too angry at her, at myself for not acting sooner. She's had my children for approximately six months how unconscionable it must have been for my Sydney to live through that. She is still a child how could Samantha do this? Perhaps the effects will not be long-lasting, children tend to not remember certain things while growing up…but some things never fade into the memory bank. I pray this is not the latter.

I removed Sydney from Samantha's car.

"Come Poppet, you will not be going with your brother today." I say as I unclip her from her seat belt.

"You will stay with Daddy…and Nicole. We will have so much fun together. You will see."

She gives me a puzzled look. I am not so cold as to break my own daughter's heart but I must in this matter.

"You will see your mother soon, just not now, alright? Come on Sweetie…"

She didn't even protest, she melted into my arms and I stood aside watching a clearly fuming Samantha get into the driver's seat.

"…Four o'clock on Sunday afternoon; and not a minute more….or else I will set my hounds on you and your precious family of the incompetent police department won't stop me!"

"…Yeah whatever, come baby let's go!" She says while slamming her door, then drives off.

7


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37:

"What's going on here?"

It's Nicole.

"Oh Darling it's you, Sydney will be spending the weekend with us in stead."

"I…I don't understand. I thought Sami…"

"Yes, she has Johnny but I thought it best for Sydney to rather be with us in stead."

I give her a look that says, "Please I'll explain later."

How was your check up?"

She smiles.

"It was great…really great."

"Is that it? Wasn't there more perhaps, like the baby's progress or something?"

"The doctor says I'm doing great; that the baby is doing even better but because this is the furthest I have ever gotten, I need to start taking it easy. He says I'm to be bedridden from now on, absolutely no stress…"

"Is that why you're grinning from ear to ear? Nicole I hardly think that's what the doctor had in mind, not that I mind one bit as your husband." I smile back at her.

She throws a pillow at me.

"No, that's not why I'm…it doesn't matter. I'm just happy that my baby is healthy, that's all."

"I take it Brady was there?"

It's a rhetorical question; I keep her gaze expecting confirmation none the less.

"Actually…he wasn't. I was there by myself and before you jump on his case, it was fine. I was okay with it. He had an important meeting he couldn't cancel. Look the doctor gave me the best news a girl like me could ever want. So what if Brady wasn't there, it's not like anything terrible happened."

That useless shit, but I keep my opinion to myself.

"In fact today may be one of the best days of my life.

I love you and I'm pretty sure you feel the same, I have a very healthy baby growing on the inside of me and now to find Sydney home…I've just about died and gone to heaven." She says as she moves into my arms on the sofa.

"I could have been there for you." I say with much emotion.

"I know you would have and Sydney would have been all by her lonesome and we can't have that. I can tell things were very tense earlier. Did something happen before or after I left?"

"Does it matter? This is Samantha we are talking about and honestly I don't know how a woman like that could be the…the mother of my children." I say the last part of that sentence in a whisper.

"…That bad huh…?

"I dislike the woman probably more than any other living being on this earth but she did give you the two most wonderful children I know, she did something right in that department."

"I wish she didn't…no I don't mean I wish I never had Sydney or Johnny but why couldn't I have met you, love of my life before that... I cannot remember a single happy moment in my life apart from my children that relates to that woman."

She brushes her lips against my own.

"I remember the first time I found out I was pregnant with your baby, I wanted so badly to give you what she never could. She was keeping Johnny away from you and I saw how difficult that was on you. She used Johnny to hurt you; her seeing us together must have made things worse I'm sure.

I knew that with our child it would be so different. I would never have kept our daughter from you. I knew you would be wonderful…and you were, even if Sydney was never really ours, she was to me. It made the loss of our daughter…less painful knowing you would have loved her as you do Sydney (her eyes are watering, she blinks away the tears).

I couldn't give you what you wanted…"

"No Nicole listen to me, it wasn't your fault; none of it."

"You are too sweet and I love you for it because nobody else sees it but me. I hurt you by bringing Sydney into our lives. I should have told you about the miscarriage. I should have been honest with you from the start. I should have never lied to you the way I did. I was so driven with grief, fear, my insecurity, my love for you. I never could give you our little girl to hold in your arms, hell I never did either but at least you would have Sydney. That's how I justified my actions…crazy!"

"No it's not. You need to stop beating yourself up for the past. I am neither proud of myself for how I handled things when I found out. If I knew then what I know now, I would have never overreacted the way I did. I am ashamed of my part in the whole affair. I should have been there for you, before and after. I didn't know...I didn't know.

You were all alone, going through the horror of losing our child and I should have been there. I can never forgive myself for that. I literally threw you into the arms of another man (Twice) It's with me every single day how we lost it all then but thank G*d for second…third chances. This…now, this is what our life should have been for us. Any thought of us not being together feels like the air has been sucked out of the room, I will not live without you!" I intertwine our two hands.

"I know it is past but thank you. Maybe I have been waiting to hear those words."

She takes my other hand to her now very pregnant belly.

"I know things didn't turn out like we wanted but I have a feeling that this our chance to have everything that we've ever wanted, forget the past, forget Brady, forget Sami. Let's focus on us and this little unconventional family of ours; me, you, Johnny, Sydney and this here baby. You are all what matters to me, my first real family it's not like my first family was a picture of merry sunshine."

"You are right, as long we all together, it's all that matters."

"Mr Dimera, I don't mean to disturb you but you have a visitor…she's waiting for you in your study."

"Thank you Cynthia, I'll be there in a minute." I say.

"May I ask what that is about?" Nicole turns to face me.

"I don't know, it's probably business related…don't worry I will get rid of them immediately. You just sit here and relax. I will be back soon."

"Then why do I get the feeling there is something you are not telling me."

"Okay, okay there is something but I can't tell as of yet. Can you trust me on this, please darling?"

"Only because you asked so nicely; go and see to your guest, Sydney will keep me company."

"You are truly amazing, do you know that? I won't be long I promise.

Give me a kiss before I go?"

"…Just one..? I want two kisses." She says before our lips lock.

3


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38:

"You better have something for me or else you are wasting my time and I was mistaking in my generosity to you." I say to a sitting Candice.

"I found her, the woman who was Dr Baker's right hand. I managed to find her, it turns out she was right under my nose the whole time. Nurse Norris or rather Mrs Norris is living in her parents' home just hours from here. She stopped practising after Dr Baker's arrest." She says.

"Then why the hell are we still here, take me to her now!" I barked.

"It's for that very reason I am here. You are a well known man, you reputation exceeds all bounds. She knows you and she is afraid. When I asked her about Dr Baker's sick business, she closed up immediately claiming not to know anything but like a shark I don't stop at the first taste of blood.

I persisted until she finally confessed to helping Baker in not only selling babies but stealing them from their mothers. I convinced her to meet with me later this afternoon and if you show your face, I promise you, you will never find your daughter.

You want your daughter back, we do this my way."

She waits for my reaction.

"Fine, your way but you are out of your mind if you think I'm going to just sit here and wait. We leave together, you will see this woman on your own but I won't be far away, I promise you that."

"I didn't think you would. Can you get away for a few hours?"

"Yes, yes I can. Give me a minute."

I leave her exactly as I found her. Seconds later I'm outside the family room. I can hear laughter behind the closed doors. I must leave even though I promised. She will have to understand, I hope she will.

I push open the door. She sees me and immediately guesses.

"I knew that was too good to be true."

"Sorry Sweetheart, I promise I will make it up to you…when I come back."

"Sydney baby, what do you think we should do to Daddy for dumping us for his work? Should we punish him?"

"No! Yes! No!" screams Sydney, clearly undecided.

"I promise you both I will make it up to you.

Now can I please have a kiss from both my girls for luck? I hope all goes as planned."

Sydney jumps straight into my arms.

"Who knows, maybe by the end of today we will have everything!" This I speak directly to Nicole.

I wish I could come out and tell that I may have found our daughter but what if this nurse doesn't know where she is. Candice said she was Baker right hand, she said nothing about knowing our daughter's where about. I am trying not to get my hopes up, or to give Nicole the hope of having the family we both wanted all those years ago.

It's been four years since, the thought of telling her and having that renewed hope crushed under the weight of disappointment will be too much for me to bear. I cannot watch my wife relive the pain of losing our daughter the second time. So the less she knows of my plans, the better for all of us.

"I hope to be back soon…I love you both so much."

Those were my last words to them. I am sitting all alone, in a car just outside of Salem. I look t my wrist watch for what must be the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. That is how long I have been sitting in this stuffy car.

I tried talking Candice into letting me see this woman who maybe had the information I wanted, but then maybe she didn't. Dr Baker was the brains behind his whole business no doubt. Why would he confide in this woman even if she was as close to him as Candice claims?

I flick my wrist to check the time one more time…it's been only two minutes since the last time. Damn it! I should be in there, getting this woman to tell me everything that she knows but something inside tells me to hold back; that Candice is right. If I want to find my child, sitting in this seething metal encased vehicle is the best way to do it. I hate it tremendously. I hate it because it accentuates my helplessness with so many things in my life. My control is hanging by a thread and that thread is unravelling with each passing minute.

I take out my cell phone and call my wife.

"Hey honey, how's your meeting going?" she asks through the phone

"Terrible, I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here with me."

"…Me too…"

"How's Sydney doing?"

"Oh she's fine; I finally got her to sleep. (There's a momentary pause)

I called Sami…for Sydney."

"NICOLE, now why would you do something like that?

…Bloody hell…"

"I'm sorry okay! I didn't know what else to do. Sydney was asking after her mother and she wanted to know why Johnny was with her and she wasn't. What was I supposed to do?"

I sigh in exasperation. She doesn't know what went down between Samantha and me, had she known she would not have called her.

"I know. I'm sorry I went off like that it's just…that woman makes me so mad and I don't want Sydney…caught in the middle of her issues. Samantha is a bitter old shrew who is not worthy to be a parent let alone Sydney's mom."

"Does this have to do with what happened earlier, you never told me what actually took place between the two of you, like why Sydney is home with us in stead of at her mother's.

EJ, did something happen, I mean more than the usual Samantha crap fest?"

"Yes…but I can't get into it on the phone, we will talk when I get home. I was going to tell you earlier but there was an emergency I had to attend. It involves the person that came to see me.

Let me deal with this first and I will explain everything to you the second I get home."

"Alright, if that's how you want to do this, I guess I will have to wait."

I can hear she's unhappy but what other choice do I have? I keep thinking about Dr Monroe's instructions, "NO STRESS!" I know I am not making it easy for her but this is the only avenue open to me for now. I can't let her worry about Sydney when my own actions are already questionable in her eyes.

"I know that today hasn't been what you expected but know that I am doing it for the both of us.

I will see you soon. I love you Nicole."

"I love you too EJ…just come back to me and I don't mean that in a physical sense alone. Your head has been else where for some time now. I want my husband home!"

I hang the phone with a much heavier heart than I anticipated. She is quite perceptive, since I found out about Baker; my head has been else where. I tried to be there for her, to show her that nothing has changed when the earth beneath my feet has shifted something resembling a 9.2 on the Richter scale. And how am I dealing with this change…I'm sitting in bloody car not fit for grown ups.

An hour has passed since Candice disappeared into the shabby house in desperate need of a paint job. Honestly I would never believe someone lived there. The front door along with some of the windows needs to be replaced; and the roof I am sure has more holes than Swiss cheese. I thought Baker made tons of money, how can this woman live like this?

"…ENOUGH of this…" I can't sit back anymore.

What the hell are they talking about in there? This is my child, my flesh and blood and I deserve to know, to look this woman in the eye as she tells me what happened to my little girl!

Rather than walk, I run to the front door. At the first bang, it flies open of its own volition.

"Good, it saves us all the trouble!"

"What is HE doing here?

You said I could trust you and yet you have brought this man into my home!" this is coming from the woman with two cats sprawled on her lap, sitting opposite Candice.

The room is dark, curtain are drawn, blocking out whatever light trying to invade this space. My first thought is that this woman is bat-shit crazy but Candice is smart enough not to drag me on a wild goose chase.

"Nurse Norris I presume?"

"I can't do this, not after all that's happened."

"Brenda I am so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. He was supposed to wait in the car like I told him to!" Candice gives me a reproachful look, like I care.

"Look ladies I came here for one thing only, I want to know if my daughter is still alive and if so where is she.

TELL ME?"

Both women jump with fright at my impassioned plea.

"We were getting to that before we were rudely interrupted," says Candice.

"You have been holed up in here for a whole hour. What were you discussing wallpaper and dinner sets? I want to know where my daughter is and I want to know RIGHT NOW!"

"I am a journalist at heart, I needed all the facts!"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!

I don't pay you for your journalistic tendencies. I pay you to find my baby!" I snap back at Candice.

"I know where your daughter is, or rather I knew where you daughter was four years ago. As to whether or not she is alive, I don't have that information. And I am no longer a nurse. I haven't worn that uniform for just as long."

"Then out with it! WHERE…I mean, where is she? Where is my little girl?"

I can barely keep it together. My heart is running rampant in anticipation, finally…

"The baby you wife took home that night is not who she thought it was."

"You are talking in riddles and I don't have the patience for that.

You will both sit down and tell me…NOW!" I bark at the frail looking woman.

I don't leave either woman with room to counter me. I am practically a ball of fire, pressured into this small human frame ready to explode and devour any and everything in sight if they don't give me what I came here for.

"Alright, I guess the sooner I tell you the sooner you two will leave me alone.

Your wife or is it ex wife, I heard you got a divorce; which I thought was sad after all the trouble she went through to get you that baby. I get confused about these things."

"Nurse…I mean Mrs Norris please…" I plead with her, somewhat calmer than a minute ago but only in appearance.

"Your wife took home your child that night." She says.

"I know that. I found out later what she had done, that Sydney was in fact my child but one that I had with my ex wife at the time."

"No you misunderstand me. When I say your child I mean yours ...AND hers; your wife, Nicole Walker."

I hear Candice gasp but she says nothing.

"No, you are quite wrong, Sydney can't be Nicole's; she told me so herself."

What game is this woman playing? There is no way…is there?

"That is what she was led to believe, even my idiot half brother never knew…at least not at the beginning. There were three babies night and people make mistakes all the time, like swapping babies."

"How can you be sure about this, you said it your self people make mistakes, perhaps this is one of them!" I can feel my blood begin to boil.

"I didn't make a mistake. I know that little girl, she was a true fighter. I was with her from the day she was born, keeping her alive while they attended on your wife; oh sorry, you weren't married at the time.

She was the last preemie I nursed to health. I took a liking to her because she was born much earlier than most of the other premature babies. In this business, the difference of a day can mean life or death.

I loved her, yes I did. It never sat well with me doing what I did after she came into my life. I always figured the children went to good homes and we were helping these young woman too scared to abort but just as frightened to become mothers. Most of them were young 'uns themselves. So I did what I did; but your wife…"

My mind is slow in processing what I am hearing. How can this be?

"How can I trust your word? You could be lying to me right now, trying to save your own skin because you know you could face some serious jail time for I don't know how many counts of kidnapping and fraud. You could go to jail for a very long time."

"But I am not lying. Your Sydney, you called her...did she not have Nicole colouring? My little girl had a birthmark the size of the nail on your little finger; it looked like a deflated star. It's was at the back of her right knee. I can see from your expression you know what I am talking about. How could I know this unless I am telling the truth?"

"Let's say your story has some weight, you said there were three babies that night, and two went home so what happened to the third?"

"Ahh the third little girl…she never made it. That Mia girl was giving up her baby because like countless others before her, she was still a child herself. She never knew that her baby died just days after being born.

Nicole believed she had swapped the two girls not knowing what part I played a few moments before. The other woman your ex-wife you said, she also went home with her own child. The only crime I committed was that of deception, we never kept records of Richards little indiscretion, pardon the pun."

"I don't believe this…"

"Believe what you will, that's the truth of it. I was there when the whole thing began to spiral out of control for Richard. He was doing too much at once he never even suspected what I did.

I told him afterwards he was so angry with me but it didn't matter what I did. Debtors came to collect. He ran into some trouble with your family, disappeared as if he fell off the face of the earth. I was surprised when popped right back. He told me to never tell anyone what I have just told you.

I kept her file, noting every change, watching her grow from strength to strength. Within those very short months, she passed as a healthy newborn baby.

Now tell Mr Dimera, is she still alive? I have answered your question, please answer mine." She looks eagerly into my eyes.

"Are telling me my baby has been with me this whole time, that when Nicole kissed her to sleep earlier today; it was her own daughter she tucked into bed and she never knew, she doesn't know?" I ask incredulously.

"So she lives, that's good.

Oh to answer your question she knows, a mother's heart always knows. You have seen them together. You know what I am talking about."

She gets up and leaves the room.

"Are you buying this?" I finally ask Candice.

"EJ, I am trained to sniff lie miles away and that old lady…is NOT lying. What does she stand to gain? We sought her out; she would have gone to her grave with this because she believed your daughter was where she belonged, with her real family." She answers.

I want to believe it but my heart is wary. Every feeling I have ever felt, every thought against Samantha where Sydney is concerned can't be proven true by some whacked woman living in a dilapidated house that is also true of the woman living within its walls.

She said a mother knows…does Nicole truly know, is that why she was so drawn to Sydney when we were apart?

Does Samantha know, is that why she has been so cold and distant of late?

To say I am confused is an understatement but I also know I am a few steps/moments shy of jumping out of my skin in sheer unadulterated joy. Candice, the two cats in front of me, this dingy place are the only things keeping me from making a complete fool of myself.

Sydney belongs to me…and Nicole.

She is our daughter, always has been and always will be. I say these words over and over in my head, trying to wrap my brain around this magnificent revelation.

7


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39:

Don't get too ahead of yourself there Dimera, you need to first prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she really is who this woman says. The old nurse comes back and hands me a dirtied folder.

"This is everything I have on my pre…I mean your child. Examine it against your Sydney's medical records, you'll see there are things there I couldn't possibly have known. If that's not enough you could always perform a Mitochondrial DNA test to find your child's maternity.

Knowing that she was home with her family was all I cared about."

"I don't know what to say…Thank you"

"No need to thank me young man. I'm just glad I don't have to keep this secret any longer. Richard never wanted me to talk and since he died, keeping quiet seemed to honour his wishes. He was my brother after all, even by only half.

Now I have given you all you asked of me. I am not as young as I used to be. It is getting mighty late.

No, no please don't. I don't need your money. I did this only to unburden this old and weary heart." She protested, but I ignored her.

"I'm a Dimera; soon you find that when I decide to do something, nothing and no one can stop me. Take the money Mrs Norris, regardless, as a token of my appreciation."

Soon after, Candice and I are back on the road back to Salem. Neither of us is in the mood to speak, my mind too preoccupied. She tries some rather self-serving small talk. Too bad I'm not in the least bit interested.

I am suddenly faced with my wildest yet selfish dreams coming true and I don't know how to react. I am analysing every single consequence of what I have just learned.

It's just too unbelievable.

"We're here!" My female driver brings me back to the presence.

"So what now? What about our arrangement?" she asks.

I knew it wouldn't take long for her to cut through the chase. I'm surprised she waited until now to broach the subject.

"…Tomorrow." I say, stepping out of her car.

"I did everything you asked…"

"I SAID…tomorrow.

I just received the most earth shattering news a man could get, I am dead tired so no I will deal with you, our arrangement tomorrow.

Goodnight Ms Simpson!" I slam the door to her protests.

Bollocks, she must know how insignificant her problems are to me right this moment. And to show her own displeasure at my lack of interest in her rampant desire to be free of anything Dimera, she burns the rubber of her tyres as she speeds away.

I stand just outside my front door; the night is still too young, she could still be awake. If she is where do I begin? How do I tell her that her suffering all those years ago was for naught? That her child was alive all along and that unbeknownst to her she had given her child to her worst enemy.

The house is darkened, a sign that all are sleeping. I head straight for my study, where I switch on the light to look once more at the file. It is all there in black and white, every detail, triumphs and setbacks. After an hour of study, I drop the file in the safe. Nicole needs to hear the words from me, not to stumble upon it.

She's already asleep by the time I get under the covers.

"Mmm, hi honey, did your meeting go well?"

"Nikki…I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you…"

"You didn't wake me. I was sort of waiting for you to come home. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't ask my husband about his day?

So how was your day?"

I guess this is it.

"It was uh…productive. I managed to get everything I wanted." I say.

"Oh that's good! I am happy for you." she says with a yawn.

She cuddles next to me and tells me she loves me.

It's the last thing I remember before the dawn of day.

"Good morning sleepy head!"

I open my eyes to find two sets of blues looking back at me.

We made you breakfast. Actually Sydney did all the work, I was just the help," says Nicole before she gives me my morning kiss.

"Oh my, what did I do to deserve this?"

"…Because you are the best Daddy in the whole wide world."

My little girl jumps onto my lap to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"Only because you are the best daughter in the whole wide world," I counter with my kiss to her cheek.

I pull Nicole so all three of us bundled together on the bed.

"We'll all have breakfast…together…just the three of us."

That is as close as I got to reveal the whole truth to her. We spend the morning together, as it once was and should have been in the years we lost. I see now what my heart has been telling me all along. It is liberating knowing the truth of it. Since Nicole came back into my life, Samantha's beastly attitude was inescapable.

"Can I ask you something?" I turn to her.

"Shoot…" she says carelessly.

"Do you ever wonder how things would have turned if…"

"…If I never lost our daughter? I do, every single day, I imagine it would be something like this." she hugs Sydney tightly. "You would be sitting there, reading you Business Weekly while I hold our daughter in my arms, telling her how much I love her; how much a blessing she has been to me.

I can see us shopping till we drop, having lots of girls' nights you could join us from time to time because spending time with your two favourite girls in the world is just the highlight of your day.

She would be the apple of your eye, a Daddy's girl to the core, she would have you wrapped around her little finger and you wouldn't mind at all. To watch you hold her in your arms was my biggest dream, to see your heart melt whenever she smiled your way…but it doesn't matter now. I already have that…with Sydney.

She may not be mine in the real sense of the word but she's given me everything I ever dreamed and more!

EJ is there something wrong?"

I bat my unshed tears away before she can look too closely.

"No, there's nothing wrong. In fact I couldn't be happier."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you"

"No, what…why would you say that?"

"There's something that's been bothering all morning. (My silence allows her to continue). I don't know if it's the right time but when I told you yesterday about calling her for Sydney's sake I kind of got the feeling you weren't too happy with me. I am sorry for what I did, as much as it galls me, I did for Sydney."

"…Oh that…it doesn't matter, I'm over it."

"Then tell me what is weighing on your mind because you are starting to freak me out."

"It's just that I found out something amazing yesterday; actually it's wonderful and I'm just trying to work my head around it. Do you know what I mean?"

It's cryptic, I know.

"I think I might have a clue. You see I also know something or at least I think I know something but I don't want to say anything not until I am sure."

"What are you talking about?" I ask suddenly brought to attention.

"Oh it's nothing much, just a little surprise I am working on. I think you will like it very much; in fact I am very sure you will love it."

"…Intriguing…come on spill it Mrs Dimera."

"No it's a surprise and I don't want to spoil it for you. That wouldn't be any fun would it?"

"…Whose fun, yours or mine?"

"…How about us both?"

"Now you have to tell me, I demand it!"

Now, now Mr Dimera, patience is a virtue and do trust me, I will make it worth your while."

"Do I at least get a clue?" I ask.

"Let's just say you will be a very happy man…when you get your surprise. That's all I can say." She shuts me down. "What about you? What's this amazing, no correction, this wonderful thing you found yesterday?"

I smile, "I guess that's my surprise to you."

"Ooh, you know how I love surprises. Tell me. Tell me. TELL ME!"

"I don't think so, not yet any way. You won't tell me yours; I hardly think it's fair that I tell you mine. You will find out all in due time. Trust me, it will be worth it."

I am using her words against her. She gives me that puppy dog-eyes look; she knows I can never deny her anything when she gives me that look.

"Forget it; I will not fall for your underhanded tactic to draw information from me. I'm like a vault. You'll get nothing from me for now."

…Again with the sad puppy look…

"Okay fine, I'll make you a deal; there will be an exchange, your surprise for mine. It's only fair…

We'll make a date of it.

Do we have a deal?" I ask her.

She sticks out her hand and we shake on it, "Deal."

5


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40:

Four o'clock Sunday afternoon and I find myself waiting outside Samantha's loft. I decided it was best I pick up my son than to trust that she would bring him back in time. I push the buzzer one more time in case she didn't hear the four other times.

"I said I was coming, didn't I?" she vents as she opens the door and stands aside as I enter.

"For all I know you could have been on your way to China."

"Well you can see I am not," she says petulantly.

"Is he ready?" I ignore her. "Where's my son?"

"He's in the bedroom getting his jacket. You can relax, it's not like I've kidnapped him."

Is that some sort of a challenge? I don't take the bait. A minute later Johnny joins us in the living area, all dressed and ready to leave. I take his overnight bag from his mother and lead him out the door where he's met by Thomas.

"I will meet you in the car shortly; I need to speak to Samantha for a minute or ten."

"…Okay Mr Dimera, what ever you say…

Come little guy…" I watch them until they disappear into the elevator before turning back to Samantha.

"Oh goodie, what do I owe this pleasure?" she asks cynically.

"We need to talk, it's about Sydney." I say closing the door behind me.

"What about her?"

She averts my gaze.

"Didn't it bother you for one minute that she wasn't here?"

"I'm confused, the last we spoke you told me to stay away from her, so which is it EJ? It doesn't matter I did speak with her on the phone."

"…After Nicole called you, don't you care at all for her?"

"She seems to be doing fine with Nicole, don't think I didn't notice that happy family you have going on at Casa Dimera Junior. When I showed on Friday did you think I wouldn't notice how chummy your wife has been with MY daughter, they were practically wearing matching outfits. Johnny already sees us all as one big happy family which is just complete BS.

If you think I'm suddenly going to welcome that slut into my family, you've got blinders on."

"What does Nicole have to do with the way you've been treating Sydney lately?"

"Oh please don't give me that innocent look you know exactly what's going on. Nicole is trying to steal MY daughter away from me for the second time. I'm not blind nor am I deaf. It doesn't please me in anyway that she has ingratiated herself back into my children's lives and has stolen Sydney's affection away from me.

It's always Nicole this and Nicole that, I'm sick of it really."

"And by your reasoning it gives you permission to be cold to her, to be dismissive and uncaring. I have seen you Samantha, for the last several months you've changed. Something has happened to turn you off completely and I want to know what it is. I am not leaving until you tell me."

"I don't have time for this."

"You WILL make time! Tell me why, for the love of G*d, do you treat Sydney differently to Johnny?"

"I have done no such thing…"

"Oh yes you have. You don't look at her the same; I hardly see her photo hanging with those of your other children. When you speak her name, you face pinches the same ugly way it does when you say Nicole's name. And a two minute call instigated by Nicole is all the time you have given her in the last 48 hours.

Don't give me that 'it's Nicole's fault', it's bullshit and you know it. You blame Nicole for something that you started. Johnny loves Nicole just as much as Sydney but I don't see you punishing him for it, so why Sydney? Why has she bred your contempt and not you love?"

"I think we are done here? You can leave now!" she says, arms folded defensively, face pinched and reddened.

She knows but she won't tell me. Samantha knows the truth about my Sydney…but how?

"Nicole has shown my children unconditional love from day one. She has been there for them, cared for them when they were sick, knowing fully well you were their mother. She has never held that against them. She hates you as much as I am sure you hate her but Sydney and Johnny are like her own flesh and blood.

When I met you I thought no one could compare boy was I wrong. You had Johnny and I saw how you were with him and I thought I loved you but you were not the woman I thought I loved. You hid my daughter away from me, passing her off as another man's child. And when the Nicole's actions came to light and took Sydney for yourself I always had faith that you would love her as you did Johnny but I was dead wrong wasn't I?

You loved Grace with your whole heart but you could never do that for Sydney because in the back of your mind she was Nicole's, damn it, its Nicole's name she bears and not yours. You did what people expected you to but keeping up the charade has become too tiresome for you.

"Shut up, just SHUT UP. You have no idea what you're talking about. I loved that little girl as though she were my own!" She finally cracks.

"You LOVED…as though she WERE your own…care to elaborate?"

"I don't have to explain myself, least of all to you!" she snaps.

"Oh yes you do, as the mother of my…"

"Don't come into my home and think you can lecture me about good parenting when you yourself are no poster boy. I can list your crimes along side the very best of the crime syndicates.

Do you want to ask me something, because I can see it's eating you up inside? Go ahead and ask or else get out!"

"How long have you known…that Sydney was not yours?" To which she smirks.

"Since about five seconds ago but I've suspected for months."

"Why the hell did you not say something?"

"Why the hell should I, she was MY daughter and there is no way in hell bitch Nicole was going to have her. So what ever doubts I had, I shelved them."

"You cold hearted bitch, I knew you were many things Samantha I never once thought you were cruel until today.

No wonder Rafael left you for your sister and your own parents are ashamed of you. Lucas had enough sense to removed Allie from your care and good on William for seeing his mother for the vile human being she is. You have a black heart Samantha, that you could withhold something as simple and noble as love from a four year old.

At this rate I'm not even sure that seeing Johnny is in his best interest."

"Damn you EJ if you think you can take my kids…"

"…YOUR kids…? Samantha, back the hell away from me before I do something I will not regret. I wanted to take Sydney and Johnny away from you for good but I didn't because Nicole convinced me not to. I wanted you out of their lives but she spoke up for you against her better judgement, claiming that as a mother you couldn't live without your children but I didn't care."

"Oh so now I owe fealty to Saint Nicole because she deigned to speak on my behalf…when pigs fly. Next time tell that whore to mind her own business, I can take care of my own."

"The fact that you continue to insult me and my wife shows poor judgement on your behalf.

Now I know she was wrong and I was right. You don't deserve them, any of them. As of today your parental rights have been terminated."

"You can't do that, I am still Johnny's mother and there's nothing you or that bimbo can do about that."

"Don't push me Samantha…"

"…Push you…? I've barely begun."

"Is this how you want to play this game? You may be Johnny's mother but I won't think twice when I cut you down. You've somehow forgotten who I am and what I am capable of."

"I imagine this is the time I'm supposed to shake in my boots."

"Oh you should be Samantha, you should be!"

4


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41:

"Where are you taking me?" she asked after we boarded my private jet. ...Soon after it taxied off the runway.

"It's a Valentine surprise, darling now you don't want me to spoil it for you?" I said smiling to myself.

"I thought I had my Valentine surprise when you booked the whole of Chez Rouge so that it would be just the two of us. I still can't believe you convinced Maggie to do that, on Valentine's Day no less." she said, as she remembered my little stunt from the previous week.

"Honey that wasn't the surprise, it was only a dinner date with my wonderful, lovely, beautiful and no doubt sexy and gorgeous wife." I explained.

"Oh honey I love it when you compliment me. Tell me more."

"You are smart, intelligent, devious, calculating plus sneaky and down right bad and I find it hotter than the son." I say pulling her into my arms. "I could make love to you right here and right now!" I took her in my arms; I do that a lot lately. Why wouldn't I with so gorgeous a wife always by my side.

She looks at me with a twinkle in her eye.

"Why don't you?" she says, her voice low, seductive way; my innards turn to jelly at promise.

"Darling we are 27000 feet above the ground."

"…All the better!" was all she said.

I had flown us to Venice during the Carnivale season. I have wanted to take Nicole to all these places she's never been, Paris, Barcelona, Rio de Janeiro; at least places she hasn't been with me.

We stayed at the San Clemente Palace Hotel, an island offering excellent views of the lagoon and a mere short boat ride to Venice. I meant for her to see the famous Mardi gras but we ended up not leaving the hotel at all. The inside of our suite offered far better entertainment that frenzy of colour parading through the Grand Canal.

When we finally left our rooms we saw Venice from the back of a gondola. Nicole claimed it was so romantic despite the heat and the swarm of buzzing insects around us. She loved every minute of it.

At the end of our stay in Italy, I took her to one of the Dimera villas in the South of Florence. I wanted to give her the real taste of my heritage, odd for an Englishman. I acquired the talents of the best chef in the district Yanni Guiseppe, from the world renowned Oliverio.

Nicole's appetite has rather been insatiable recently and it was only proper for me to give her only the best, no salty crackers with ketch-up or peanut butter and cheese sandwiches with a dash of olives on the side for my wife or what ever awful inedible combo pregnant woman usually crave.

From cornetto's, gnocchi's, sfogliatina's, ribollita's, grilled steaks and she couldn't believe the coffee in this place but unfortunately that was off the menu. It didn't stop her ordering a cup be brought up just so she could immerse herself in the aroma.

Anything that was permissible fair game she couldn't get enough of it even going so far as to accuse me of trying to fatten her up. I truly had never seen her like this, happy and carefree; living in the moment.

We stayed in Italy a whole week, a truly glorious time for us both. And now we are back home and I wish we could fly away to some other exotic destination, a private island somewhere…

"What do you think of this coming Friday for our 'Surprise Date' where I can tell you my surprise and you can tell me yours?"

"It really doesn't matter which date you choose I will be there sharp. I could tell you right now if you want."

"No we have to do it together and this is how I want to do it, during a candle-lit dinner just the two of us with neither one of these loveable rug rats in the way." she says while ruffling Johnny's hair. "Plus I have a feeling you are going to L-O-V-E-I-T! It's big, really big."

"What makes you so sure? I have the mother load of all surprises…literally!"

"Oh no, why can't we come, I promise we'll be good? Won't we Sydney?" Johnny turns to his sister.

"Don't worry there Johnny, I also have a surprise for you, you and Sydney. I've taken care of everything. You will see."

"…Really Nicole, oh I can't wait to see what it is, can you show me?"

"Oh no that's all you are getting from me sir. My lips are sealed!

The talk of surprises went on until bedtime. Johnny couldn't drop the subject he wanted to know everything. "Were we going to Disney world? Were we going to shoot up into the sky on a space ship I have been building in secret? Were we going to see Grandma Susan in England? My goodness he is quite lively tonight.

"See what you've done?" I accuse her as I tuck her in.

"What did I do?" she asks innocently.

"Do you see what goes on in his head…you did this? He thinks I'm taking him up into space, to walk on the moon."

"But you're his father, I'm sure you could hook something up. That shouldn't be too hard for Elvis Dimera." She laughs at me. "You did it for me…"

"You little minx you, come here!"

We kiss, like it's our first time. It's not clumsy or awkward but passion filled, like my lips were only meant to kiss that of Nicole's and hers mine.

3


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42:

Today is the day I tell my wife she is the mother of my daughter. How strange going through these motions, both Sydney and Johnny are at my father's; the only contact Samantha has with him is under my supervision and there's been very little of that. She'd yelled and screamed at me telling me what a boar I am and for some reason she seems to think I care what she thinks of me.

Johnny is quite happy to see his mother less Nicole more than makes up for her absence.

Nicole is truly amazing as I have always believed. She's taken on this role of being the mother to my children seamlessly and it always surprises her when I tell her how proud I am of her.

I plan to make this night unforgettable, to make her wildest dreams come true, even though I have no clue whatsoever what she has in store for me, I know it will never top her finding out that her Sydney, a little girl she loved so unconditionally is truly the child of her loins. The look on her face when I reveal the truth will be truly priceless and I can't wait.

She told me to keep away from the house as she prepared everything. I have done exactly that. I tried going to the office and keeping busy but nothing. Judith Stopped by the office wanting to go over the speech I am to give next week now that we are a little over a month away from the elections. I couldn't concentrate.

Now the time has finally come. I can hear her car pulling up to the front. The private dining hall is decorated to the tee, similar to our villa. I guess she wants to relive one of the best times of both our lives; I'm trying not to think that it's because of the food.

I have been waiting for about a half hour, wondering what is keeping her. Any minute she will walk through those doors and our lives will begin again, I can barely wait.

I awake on the sofa, I must have dosed off but where is Nicole? I could swear I heard her car. I look at my wrist watch, it's late. I call one of the servants, nobody answers.

"Darling, where are you? Nicole…Nicole darling where are you."

I run upstairs to check our bedroom. The light is on, good.

"Nicole…I have been waiting for you. Why didn't you wake me?"

She's been crying; her eyes are blood-shot red.

"Oh I'm sorry HONEY; I didn't want to disturb you. You looked so HAPPY!"

Something is not right. I detect a bit of malcontent in her tone.

"Darling are you okay…what are you doing up here? We are supposed to be having our Surprise Dinner Date, remember? We are already running late."

"HA! No kidding." She says under her breath.

"I'm sorry; you are going to have to speak up."

"I said NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" She articulates with her eyes aflame.

"I don't understand. Did something happen? Did something upset you?"

"…Typical, just freakin' typical. I am sure you are going to patch this up to another figment of my imagination."

"What the hell are you taking about? We were both looking forward to this, are you telling me something's happened since to set you in this foul mood? I don't get what brought this on."

"Oh this is priceless; not only am I humiliated but you insult my intelligence too."

"Why would I do such a thing?

And what are you doing with that bag? Nicole, please…?" I step towards her and she takes a step back.

"Don't…don't you come near me EJ or I swear on my mother's grave I will lose it. If pretending like the last twenty-four hours never happened for you then fine by me but I refuse to live like this a second longer. I told you once; I refuse to be reduced to that pitiful character I once was where you are concerned.

I am done…NO MORE!"

"Nicole…I love you, I don't understand, clearly something has happened to make you this way."

"Yeah…something's happened alright. I let you make a fool of me yet again. How stupid am I?

There's a saying…you fool me once, shame on you…you fool me twice, shame on me. I must be twice the fool since it is you after all.

I am tired… looking at you acting all innocent makes me sick to my stomach.

…Just let me go. Please, please let me leave. I know it's not worth much but let me walk out with my dignity after you taken so much from me."

"…Leave…?

…Taken so much…?

…Nicole darling, I am trying to understand you but you are talking absolute nonsense. Why the hell would I let you leave; I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT!

You're being emotional, whatever it is I am sure if you tell me we can work it out."

She looks at me with hatred in her eyes. What the hell is going on? I swear I must have woken in an alternate universe. She won't even look at me and when she does, it's like a thousand daggers to my chest. Her words are just as sharp.

"I will return for the rest of my things…"

"WOMAN WOULD YOU TALK TO ME, TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" I try to come closer, wanting to hold her, to touch her but she avoids all attempts on my part.

Fine…two can play that game. I turn and lock the door, neither one of us is leaving this room. I am just as stubborn as she is.

"You open that door EJ Dimera or I will scream." She says; teeth clenched.

"Nobody will hear you; it's you and me Sweetheart."

"Don't call me that! I am not your darling or sweetheart or love or honey or what ever other name you think is going to make me change my mind. I am leaving and never coming back." she says angrily.

"But you ARE, don't you get it? You are my EVERYTHING, the very air I breathe…"

"Stop it, I have heard enough! You will open that door EJ. I am not kidding or cajoling or whatever."

"No."

I am struggling against will to keep a clear head. Nicole has obviously lost her mind. How does a person go from love to hate in so short a time? When I spoke to her earlier, she was telling me how much she had missed me and was more than looking forward to this evening.

"So now prolonging my suffering is high on your agenda. You're a bastard you know that?"

I take another step forward, she takes another back. Soon enough I have her cornered. I'm quite familiar with our little dance.

"I told you, you aren't leaving." I say, a few feet away from her.

"You can't make me stay!" she says, now inches away from me.

I had forgotten how much of a turn on my wife is when she is angry with me. As much as I may want to play along I'm tired, every one of my muscles ache but I can't let her go. I can't give her that opening because I can see in her eyes that she is serious. This scares me half to death…if I could just get her to talk to me.

"Nicole…"

My arms open to welcome her but she shoves them aside.

"…Enough EJ! Don't you touch, don't you ever touch me (tears roll down her face)

There is no more left to say. We've been down this road a million time and I just can't do it any more. I don't have that strength, my heart can't hold out for another round.

I am leaving. So grant me that one last thing, open the door."

"You're my wife…"

"Argh don't you get it, it's over. I won't do this anymore. I'm not so great at pretending as you."

Her snub hurts me more than I anticipated. In a moment she was in front of me the next she's at the door.

"…Oh no, you don't." I'm onto her in a flash

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" she screams in my ear.

"…NEVER…" I yell back.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Nikki, are you okay?"

It's Brady…what's he doing here. Now I am more than just confused, fear grips my heart like a steel trap.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Nikki, are you okay? Open the door."

I can feel the baby kicking just as vigorously as its mother. She wiggles out of my arms, opens the door to fall straight into his arms…crying in his arms.

"Let my wife go right now!" I say, to which he ignores.

"Take me away Brady, take me away from here.

I can't…be here…not anymore!" she says with acute sadness.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you, you look a little pale? I don't like it.

I can break his knee caps for you, just say the word and it's done!"

"No…Brady, it's okay. I'm okay or will be, just get me out of this place before I really get sick."

"What about your things?" he asks her as he leads her away from me.

"We'll just have to send someone to get them. I am too worn out now." She says without even looking back.

Just like that, Nicole has left me. I am paralysed with shock, anger; I am confused; the look in her eyes was the death of me. My own wife hates me. The moment I am able to process the past fifteen minutes I fly after them, I won't let her go but I am too late. There is no car in the driveway. She is gone!

I slam the door closed as I walk back into the house, our house. The sound of her words echoes through the walls. She has left me. My emotions are in turmoil, only a full glass of brandy can quench the fire within. I walk through the scene of our almost dinner. It looks so perfect in its mockery of what just happened.

I down the first glass than the second. After the third the beautifully decked table for two and its contents are sprawled on the tiled floor. The fire within has not been quenched instead I have poured fuel over it. I need to release it before it consumes me whole. Before long the whole room is trashed beyond recognition and I am lying on broken glass and pieces of furniture…my life over.

I called her cell phone, she ignored me. I left message after message begging her to talk to me. When I no longer could leave messages, her phone would ring and ring unanswered. Eventually it told me the number I dialled was not available. For every disappointment, it was another swallow of my poisonous friend. I don't know how long I stayed down there…a day maybe. I was very much famished and still seething. I had the worst hangover of my life, not even a banana and honey smoothie could sooth it away.

I felt like death had come to stay. Without her I was as good as dead. I tried getting up but the whole weight of the house suddenly rested on my head and shoulders my legs and gone numb from not moving. I was in hell and nothing but Nicole would save me.

Finally a call comes in. Damn it, it was Samantha!

"What…do you…want?"

"Oh hello to you too, I'm just checking to see how you're doing. I heard."

"I don't have time for this Samantha…"

"It hurts doesn't it…like you've been dragged behind a motorcycle and then dipped in the ocean," she laughs but with a tinge of cynicism.

"Goodbye Samantha."

"And please tell me you haven't forgotten to pick Johnny up from Stefano's. I don't want him spending too much time with Stefano…"

"GOODBYE SAMANTHA!" I hang up on her.

I cannot concern myself with her drama. This is not the time for it.

I search for my only friend in the world right now. Bollocks…the decanter is empty and every other bottle is in a million pieces and even so I can't drink I need to get my children from father.

No. Why rush it, I still have another day.

Another day passes. My grumbling stomach drags me back from the abyss. I could just lie here and die but thoughts of my children, of Nicole stir me back to life. She may hate me but I still love her. I never told her about Sydney, I must do that at least. I spot a sonogram under my leg. Nicole must have left it her in her hast to leave me. Thoughts of what took place in the bedroom no longer incite anger but sadness…that is what I feel now, in spades.

"…Mr Dimera…?

It's Cynthia.

"Oh sir what happened? Are you alright? Where is Mrs Dimera?"

"She's gone; can't you bloody well see that? She's left me and I don't even know why."

I see pity in her eyes. That is the worst of it, when servants have it better than you.

"Come sir, let me help you." she says in a motherly tone.

"What are you going to do? You're half my size.

"Thomas is here sir, he will help me but first things first; I need to get you off this cold floor. How you've managed not to cut yourself is a miracle in itself.

Come on sir…"

"NO!"

In her effort to lift me to my feet, she tries to pry the sonogram from me but I hold on tightly to the film paper.

"…But sir, how else am I going to lift you?"

"Go get Thomas" I dismiss her.

I do so more for wanting to be alone as my sadness overwhelms me. As though she tried to take away one last thing that reminds me of HER and for a moment I was back in our bedroom looking at Brady's arms circling her like a vulture. This picture reminds me of the family I believed we would have…our children even though that useless Brady would be this baby's father.

"Oh little one, we could have had it all," I say, speaking the grey matter captured in 2D. "We could have been a family and now it's all lost.

Wait…I take a deeper look at the photo trying to see through the haze of self induced starvation and alcohol poisoning. The date on the sonogram…it can't be. This was taken day before Valentine's Day. The foetal age is much further along than thought. I turn to seethe back, to see if there's anything else printed; expecting the sonogram to clarify why Nicole's baby is a whole month further along than what we thought and my heart nearly gave out.

I half expected a black white page but there's writing on it, Nicole's hand. There are three words written in clear black ink!

"Congratulations Mr Dimera!"

7


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43:

Cynthia returns with Thomas as promised.

"Is this a dream?" I can't help asking.

"What sir?" my man servant says as he lifts me from the floor.

"You're here when I gave you the weekend off and I have this sonogram of Nicole's baby congratulating me."

"Sir we DID have the weekend off. It's Monday morning, sir," says Thomas.

"No it's Sunday." I correct him but he insists I am wrong.

He's wrong…I must be dreaming…there's no way I am the father of the baby Nicole's carrying right now. It's just not possible. She told me it was Brady's. She was very specific.

We finally enter my room.

"Alright sir, I will take care of everything, including making you a hot breakfast." Cynthia says, trying to make light of my redecorating skills.

"GET OUT, both of you!" I bellow at them and they scurry like rats when the lights come on. The room is exactly as Nicole left it; her bag, wide open on the bed with half her clothes sticking in all directions. I stagger across the room to my bathroom. I'm completely out it as I walk under hot spray of water.

I need this. The therapeutic water beats down paths, smoothing the tension I feel from my head all the way down to my feet. Sadly it cannot help ease my mind. Nothing makes sense. From what I could gather starting with Nicole's inexplicable departure down to the servants coming in earlier than I expected. I surmise that I have perhaps lost a day. Theirs is no other explanation…but how?

I find a tray of food plus a hot steaming cup of coffee as I step back into the room. I'm trying to understand, trying to put the misfit pieces of a puzzle that's more confusing than when it's jumbled up.

After filling my rather void stomach of the food I had shunned for brandy I call the office, expecting to get the voicemail.

"Dimera Industries, good morning."

"Lucy…?"

"Yes Mr Dimera…?" she answers. What the hell is going on?

I regroup after an awkward moment's pause.

"Do I…do I have any meeting scheduled for today?" I ask her while trying to regain control of my faculties.

I have already compromised myself too much. The scene downstairs already makes my skin crawl. I don't need any more employees witness my complete mental breakdown because I have lost my mind.

"In fact there is one; Candice Simpson wanted to confirm your meeting for ten o'clock…" she proceeds to list my whole diary for Monday.

"Postpone it, no wait, call her back and cancel it. Any other meeting, I need you to reschedule. Tell Mr McAllister I need a few more days to mull over our deal, the figures still don't impress me. If he wants to deal with us he has to put forth a deal far less insulting than the peanuts he's offering. That conference call to Japan, I will speak to Mr Tanaka myself, our so called partners over there are trying to swindle us, father won't be too happy about that."

"Any thing else sir?" she asks.

"Yes, I will not be available for the rest of the day, I need to take care of some things, understand?"

"…Of course Mr Dimera."

Now that business is out the way. I need to find my wife and I know exactly where to look. I take the two Aspirins, Cynthia left on the tray for me. I fell like shit but I can always look good. I instruct her to put my wife's things back where they belong because I intend to bring her home with even if I have to drag her back kicking and screaming.

Thomas drives me over to Victor Kiriakis's mansion. It's where Brady resides and likely where Nicole is, with no other people to rely on in this stinking town. And as I expected, she is there or at least her car is there.

I bang hard on the front door; common courtesies are out the window. This mausoleum has my wife and I'm not leaving without her. I bang over and over until Henderson, Victor's longsuffering butler finally open the door.

"Where is she? Where's my wife."

"I'm sorry sir, but I cannot help you."

"I don't have time for this Henderson. I know she's here. Her car is parked outside. Brady has brought her here now take me to her this instant!" I barge in when the fool didn't bother to ask me inside.

"I'm sorry sir but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Mr Back gave me strict instructions to bar from his home." He says with as much authority expected from the hired help.

"I would be happy to leave as soon as I have my Nicole! Now where is she?"

"I'm sorry sir but she's not here…Mr Black took her to the hospital in the early some time last night…"

"…WHAT?" I practically jump down his throat.

"Why the hell didn't you say something? What the hell happened and why was I told?"

"They tried calling you sir but your phone was dead. They couldn't reach you even at the house."

"You're lying to me, my phone isn't dead…"

I pull it out and what do you know…nothing. He is right. I never recharged the battery. I had far pressing things to deal with than my dead phone and why didn't I hear the house phone ring? Because you were drunk out of your mind, that's why. I cringe as I answer my own question.

"I'm not lying to you sir, Miss Nicole wasn't feeling too well when her and Mr Brady left and neither has been back since." He explains.

Oh G*d, something is wrong with the baby. Then it hits doubly so…something could be wrong with MY baby!

I race out that house and head straight for the hospital. Oh G*d last time we were at the hospital after a scare, I thought the worst had happened and now the absolute worst could happen but I can't think like.

"GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!" I command my driver. "Drive as though you very life depends on it. I don't care how you get there, just get there!" I tell Thomas.

He follows my instruction to the letter, cutting down the time from twenty minutes in normal traffic to thirteen. If this was so damn important I would be impressed however I would have shaved a couple of more minutes but that's not important.

He manages to find parking immediately after driving through the main gates. I rush into the automated glass door once again, fearing the worst has happened.

I find a nurse at the reception station.

"I need your help! I believe my wife Nicole was admitted her last night, she's pregnant or at least she was the last time I saw her, WHERE IS SHE?" I ask, leaning heavily over her desk.

"May I please have her full name, thank you?" she says, barely looking at me.

"It's Dimera, Nicole Dimera…she was brought in here last night. Please you need to take me where she is. She's having my baby…" I say; desperation in my voice but it didn't seem to register to her.

"Ah let me see…" she pushes a selection of letter on her keyboard. "Oh I see; Dr Monroe is her Doctor. Let me get him for you. He will help you.

Paging Dr Monroe to front desk, paging Dr Monroe… do you mind waiting over there?" she dismisses me.

"I WANT TO SEE MY WIFE, DAMN IT!" I shout at her.

She looks at me insolently. I should have her fired!

"…And you will, once Dr Monroe gets here. Until then your place is over there!"

"Mr Dimera…ah I'm glad to finally see you, come with me."

"What kind of a hospital insults its patients' families…?"

"I apologise, Carol in new here…"

"Good so she won't mind terribly being out of a job."

"Mr Dimera, I know your sister is a doctor here and that your family donates millions of dollars every year but you need to let us run things as we see fit. You run a multi-billion conglomerate and you have investors I hardly believe you let them tell you what to do with your company," the doctor says.

"I still don't like it but doctor you know that's not the reason I am here. Where in this forsaken place is my wife and tell me please, is she alright?" I pull his arm to get his attention.

He looks pensive, I don't like it.

"Please step into my office…" he opens the first door we reach after stepping off the elevator.

"I don't want to see your office, I've seen it already. Take me to my wife now!" I bark at him.

"I'm well aware of that, I think that it best we talk first and it won't help seeing your wife right now, she's sedated. So please, I'm asking rather nicely, step into my office."

I don't like his office, come to think of it. From the pallid wall paint, the plastic greenery and stuffy atmosphere, I have had nightmares about this place. I never wanted to come back to this wretched office and now I am back

"Fine, you've got me to cooperate, now can you please tell me what's going on with my wife."

"Alright, don't be alarmed…your wife went into false premature labour."

"…Oh dear G*d…"

"Like I said, don't be alarmed. We managed to prevent them from getting worse."

"…Getting worse, what does that mean?"

"I mean that the contractions are not happening at regular intervals her cervix has not changed consequentially in the last twenty-four hours. Because of that, we didn't need to take extreme measures to delay childbirth; she's currently in therapeutic sleep. The more she rests the better off her condition."

"So her and the baby…?"

"They are not in any immediate danger. She's reached the 28 week milestone; but you please need to understand that it's still early and the baby could still come any minute."

"Doctor, I'm confused…"

"Oh I forgot, I thought she must have told you. She said she would wait for the right time and I guess no time like the present. A month ago during your wife regular check up, I told her the foetal age, the term of her pregnancy, imagine my surprise at her surprise.

When your wife first came to the hospital, it was apparent to me what the situation was between you, her and Mr Black. I'm no gossip so I never asked. I knew how far along your wife was but she was under the impression that Mr Black was the father, so I didn't pry. The health of her child is my man concern."

"Doctor, that's not what I meant when I said I was confused…I only meant which was it; you say you've practically stopped her contractions but then again she could have the baby at any minute now?"

"Oh I apologise.

For now, we are in the clear but your wife's condition is rather unpredictable at this stage. There are just too many variables that I just can't account for. With each passing day we enter an unknown field with a complete new set of rules; but also with each passing day, as long as that baby is still cocooned inside its mother the favourable the outcome.

I'm sorry Mr Dimera; I wish I could give more. The most I can tell you is that the baby is still alive, your wife is stable and despite her harrowing history she has made it further than mere science can explain."

"Thank G*d, you've no idea the hell I have been through after discovering what happened, this brings me to my second question. You mentioned that there was confusion with the date of the baby's conception?

How did THAT happen?"

I am just as eager to learn about that mistake, if not more so. Nicole told me Brady was the father and she would never intentionally lie to me, at least not this time around. When we reunited it was more than just my wish to have her baby turn out to be mine, I wanted desperately to be the father; she knew this and expressed her desire for the exact same thing.

"Ah yes, that…Nicole did not have an OB/GYN when you both landed here in the dead of night. If she had a doctor right from the beginning she would have had a better grasp at what she needed to do to take care of herself and her unborn child.

She would have known the length of her pregnancy from the very beginning, ruling out the confusion that has played put for months. When she first came to me after performing the necessary tests, I knew how far along she was, I told her what I thought she needed to know as I was under the impression she knew, so I never mentioned it.

She was underweight because she was almost a whole month further along than she thought. Women don't show at the same stages, each pregnancy is very unique but I was quite concerned. Your wife followed my directions as best as she could. Every check up looked promising. A month back I told her what her real term was and as I said she was shocked. She honestly believed the conception date was in September when it was actually between late July and early August.

She tried to dispute the date but I explained it to her and that's when she told me of the possibility of you being the baby's father. She was so excited but didn't want to jump the gun. I told her about doing a DNA test; I wanted to explain the process to her but to my surprise she already knew what was needed."

We look at each other, knowingly.

"It's like I said Mr Dimera, I am not a gossipmonger. So we performed a test, we had your records already in our system, so we didn't need a fresh sample from you but we had to get one from Mr Black, which we did.

Two weeks ago, the results came in.

Mr Brady is NOT the father, you are."

We are quiet for a while.

"I would like to see my wife now."

"Mr Dimera now is not the time. She's been medicated and will be unconscious for at least an hour or two."

"I don't care, I must see her now! You should know me well enough to know I never take no for an answer.

Take me to her now!"

7


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44:

I find her just as the doctor says, sleeping. I thought Brady would at least guard her door like the dog he really is but he is no where to be found and I couldn't be happier for it. The past few days have been an absolute nightmare and now I finally see the light at the end of it all. I am going to be a father…again and this time I will make sure nothing goes wrong. I make that promise more for me despite the fact that I still don't know fully what went down this past weekend.

A force stronger than gravity pulls me to her side. Seeing her lying there inanimate overwhelms my emotions. A flood of memories rushes back to me. I have been here before. She's too much at peace; I know how misleading that could be. My strong and resilient wife has been brought low by what force? The doctor did say he has drugged her, in order to save the life of our little one. At the moment, this is the least they can do and how can I believe that it is the best that can be done.

She has tubes coming in and out of her body. I am more than frightened for her. I know how much this child means to Nicole and how much more so knowing its paternity. I am not tooting my own horn but I am fully aware what being pregnant with Sydney did for Nicole, the first time we married.

In her words, she's never loved a man as she loved me. Carrying my child was a gift that was cruelly taken from us both and until recently I planned on giving back that gift by the grace of the Almighty above. And how could I know that we had in fact been given yet another second chance; for all our sakes I will not squander it.

As soon as I know they are both safe, I will find out what brought her to this place of misery. I am grateful for Dr Monroe but if I never see a hospital again it will be too soon. Hospitals are havens for death, horrors unimaginable and I cannot wait until Nicole is home, back where she belongs.

I take her fragile hand in mine and hold on for dear life.

"Hold on Nikki…just hold on. I am here and will never leave you!"

I speak into the silent room with nothing but the beeping sounds of the machine guarding over my wife. I pull up a chair and plonk myself over it, weary from everything. I hold Nicole's hand in mine while I lay the other on her tummy.

"Hi there little one, it's Daddy. I want you to know I love you and Mommy so very much. I need you to do me a little favour, it's not time yet for you to meet us and I really need you to be good and stay safe right where you are, inside Mommy. Let her take care of you.

We can't wait to meet you…just not yet; okay?

Things are going to be so great when you join our little family. It will be you, your BIG brother and sister who will love you will all their hearts and two parents who already adore you, and love you more than anything in the world. Nothing gives us more joy than knowing that you are happy and healthy in there as you will be when we welcome you into the world.

Oh and one more thing, let me just say what a great and fantastic mother you are going to have. You will be the envy of every child born into this world. Your mother has a heart so big and loves even bigger than it is able.

Every night, when she thinks I don't hear, she says a prayer just for you, thanking G*d for bring you into our lives. You are her Miracle Child…so is your sister Sydney. Both of you are our miracles, remember that.

What can I say about your Daddy except that I love you? I have always, ALWAYS loved you from the moment I found out. I was scared at first but I knew that very second you were special, my special child. You have made me feel the purest joy known to man. Every day I have watched you grow, big and strong; I have never been as blessed as I am today.

You have brought love, laughter back into this wary and cold heart of mine; you and Mommy have done that for and I will forever be grateful for that. I know you can't wait to meet us; however the time isn't quite right. Mommy needs you to be patient a little while longer.

I am begging you sweet one, not today; not for another two months, please. I know it's a long time to ask you to wait but it will be worth it in the end."

I feel the baby kick at that very moment. It brings tears to my eyes, they fall unhindered.

"I think I better let you get some rest, now." I say rubbing Nicole's extended belly.

I didn't realise how uptight I was since Henderson told me about Nicole. All that tension from days past kept building and building and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Having the TALK with my unborn child seemed to release me a deep dungeon of despair. My heart felt lighter than the moment the doctor told me Nicole was alright.

I just sat there, happy to watch my wife sleeping, knowing all was well, grateful that it didn't all go to hell in a basket.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I recall was Nikki's voice calling me from a dreamless sleep.

"EJ, what are you doing here?" she asks, half relieved and the other half uncertain.

"Oh darling you're awake. I was worried sick, I came the moment I heard." I say, lifting her hand to my lips, ignoring the stiffness in her.

For a moment I hoped everything had gone back to the way it was before…before what exactly?

"You shouldn't be here…" She says.

"Excuse me, I should be with my wife and child?" I ask, immediately regretting the roughness of my voice. I am trying not to lose it.

"I'm sorry of course you should. This baby is yours as well as mine.

What happens between us will never change that fact." she retracts, which only makes me feel even more the villain. I am not to cause her any stress, for the baby's sake…for both our sakes.

"No I am sorry, the last thing I want to do is upset you, and I seem to have done nothing less and I don't understand why that is."

She turns her face away from me.

"Please go away EJ; I can't deal with this…not right now."

"I know but I need to understand what it is that has clearly come between us." I almost plead.

"PLEASE…NOT right now; it's still too raw. Get angry at you, berating you at how unfairly you have treated me is not a luxury I can afford at the moment. I don't want to do this but I must…I must ask you to leave. I need to be alone." She says, close to tears.

"Something is clearly wrong and I must be involved somehow but how can I fix it when I don't know what it is? Please tell me what I have done, why won't you even look at me?"

"Are you seriously going to pretend, even now after all of THIS has happened?"

She looks at me with fire in her eyes, but it's a different kind of fire...anger and fury are what I see in her eyes, not longing, not desire.

"What is going on here?"

What unfortunate timing, it's Brady Black. We have a stare down right there, tension rising at sonic speed.

"Boys, this is not the place or the hour." Nikki, the voice of reason reminds me of what is important.

"You want to take this outside?" the lump of lard asks.

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Don't worry Nic, I WILL rough him up more than a little bit, for you?" he boasts.

"Dream on, you dim-witted Neanderthal. I have been waiting a long time for this!"

"Brady, stop this now! That's not what I want you know it! You are grown men, not CHILDREN!"

The machine starts beeping erratically and Nicole begins to sway like she's forgotten something and is powerless to remember what it is.

NOOOO!

I'm at her side in seconds and a moment later the room is awash with nurses, pulling me away from her, those assholes. Dr Monroe is last to come in.

"Gentlemen, I'm going to have to ask the BOTH of you to leave. I won't be so kind as to repeat myself."

Nikki…NO!

I don't know how I got outside but that's where I was…with Brady.

"Get away from me or else I won't be responsible for what happens next, Brady. I have tolerated you for far too long because of this friendship you have with Nikki.

The ONLY reason you are still alive is because of my love for her and nothing else."

"Are you actually serious?

…Your love for her?

Are you truly THAT sick, that sadistic? Nic in there fighting for YOUR child's life because of you! She loses that baby; it will be all on you!"

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I told her. I told her a million times that you weren't worthy of her but she ignored me. I told her you would hurt because you are Dimera; it's in your blood to hurt her. You've been doing exactly that for the last four years and COUNTING!"

I took the first swing but All-Braun-and-NO-Brains came back swinging. He missed his first but eventually made contact just below my eye. I struck more than I missed; my adrenalin was through the roof. Brady suddenly found himself flat on his back, his pride even lower than that.

"I love Nicole; I could never hurt her at least not intentionally anyway. One more word out of your mouth to the contrary, I will do more than put a shiner on that ugly face of yours or crack a few ribs.

Don't test me Brady; I am not to be trifled with pushed to the edge!

…And Nikki does like you…in a stray dog kind of way. I won't think twice about putting THIS dog to sleep…get my meaning?"

He picks himself off the ground, brushing off the dirt. He's a scowl across his face, clearly unimpressed to be brought down to size. I like him much better this way…under my feet!

"Since you've reattached yourself to my Nikki's hip, you must know what it is that has set her against me. What have I supposedly done to incur this treatment and I want the whole truth."

"Whatever…I at least am grateful she sees you for the lying snake you are."

"…BRADY!" I snap at him.

"Fine, we'll play this game your way. After this, I am sure you will agree to stay the hell away from her. She doesn't need you hurting her anymore."

"JUST TELL ME, DAMN IT!"

"On the night she was supposed to tell you about the baby, she saw you…"

"She saw me what…?" my patience is running out fast. I may just punch his face for good measure for taking so long.

"She saw you at the house…with Sami!"

"That's impossible; I haven't seen Samantha, let alone spoken to the…to her, not since our trip to Italy!"

"I know differently.

That's what Nikki saw, the two of you apparently getting it on. I'm only telling you what she told me."

"She must be mistaken. I would never…Good Lord no…NEVER!" I exclaim in absolute shock.

It's a bold faced lie, it must be. No amount of torture in the world would force me to do what I am being accused of doing. I hate the woman, in fact I loathe her. Nicole knows me better than this, so why would she believe I would sleep with Samantha?

"Hey, whatever makes you sleep better at night Elvis…personally I don't care. I don't want anything happening to Nic or the baby but I will take her eyes being finally opened to the truth about EJ Dimera any day and I couldn't be happier."

"You say she saw me…and Samantha…at the house?" I am still in a state of confusion at this revelation.

"Yes." He says as though that settles the whole matter.

"You are wrong, both of you. I would never even dream of doing this, hurting Nicole like this. I know the effect Samantha has on her. I saw it's ugliness manifest before my very eyes during our first marriage. I would never put her through that hell ever again. I swore to her I wouldn't!"

"What a shocker, maybe not to you but to the rest of the world and now to Nicole, your word means didly squat. How in the hell are we related, I will never know.

If you are so innocent, why in the world would Nicole make this up? She LOVES you even if I never understand what she sees in you. You are her whole world and I have told her that is a big mistake to trust you again. It's true and I know you know it. So tell me Councillor, what would Nic stand to gain by lying about this?

It's certainly not to keep your child away from you. She would die first before denying you access to your baby, so what else could it be…NOTHING?

…NOT A DAMNED THING!

You broke her heart for the last time Dimera. I told her once that I would break you in half and I meant every word. If going a few rounds with you would make things easier for her I would do it in a heartbeat but now I know it's not worth it.

You are not worth it."

He walks away from me. The earth may just as well as had opened up right then and swallowed me whole. My ears are ringing. I don't know what to believe. I know for certain, I have done nothing wrong…but how certain? My heart shuns the accusation, I am repelled by it.

But Nicole would never look at me with hatred unless she had just cause.

…Strange how I am missing a whole day…

Every thing has been out of joint since Friday late afternoon, including the odd phone call…from Samantha!

6


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45:

My cell phone rings, it's Dr Monroe.

"Mr Dimera, I'm afraid you need to return to the hospital immediately, your wife has gone into labour."

"I don't understand, YOU told me everything was alright, that the baby wasn't coming that Nicole's condition was stabilised. What the hell happened?"

I rush back into the building fearing the worst has happened.

Her doctor meets me outside her room. As we enter, we find Nicole sweating up a storm.

"Please doctor do something, it's not time yet. It's still too early," says Nicole.

I move to her bedside immediately. Her hand automatically seeks out my own. The simple action is not lost to either one of us as our eyes make contact.

"Doctor please, do something." she pleads.

He pulls out her chart, looking it over before turn to face us.

"We are doing everything we can to delay delivery. I have administered some steroids to do at least two things, the first being to slow the contraction by a considerable amount, to stop dilation almost altogether but we know that won't happen but we certainly can try.

The other side of the coin is to speed up the development of the baby's lungs. Gaining even one full day will be worth it. Now I just need the mother to relax."

"Trust me doctor I'm doing the best I can here…argh…ow…"

"Nikki sweetheart are you okay? Doctor is that another contraction?" I'm doing my best not to fly into an outright panic.

"Nicole…tell me how is that compared to the others?" the doctor asks while examining my wife.

"Well it's not as strong but why…why aren't they stopping. I thought you said that the taco-whatever drug you gave would stop the labour." Nicole says.

"…Tocolytic drugs…

Well yes…and no. Nicole I'm afraid that medical science can only do so much. It is very imperative you stay calm. I will monitor you very closely but we have to work together. Can you do that?"

"I will do my best," she says, squeezing my hand.

"Mrs Dimera I know how frightening this must be but we've prepared for this for months, just hold on for a day or two.

I will leave you two alone."

The second the doctor exits the room, Nicole releases my hand.

"He's gone now, we can both stop pretending."

"I wasn't…Darling, I love you."

"Drop the act, will you EJ?"

"Now Nicole, I know what you think of me but it's wrong. It's all wrong. Darling I love you. I LOVE YOU and no one else."

"I saw you, with my own two eyes, EJ…in our home!"

"No…you must be wrong. I can't have happened, I just don't remember.

The last thing I remember was that I was waiting for you to come home. I had something wonderful to tell and the next thing I recall you were in our room packing your things, saying all these things I know you didn't mean.

I would never hurt you Nicole, not deliberately."

"How can you expect me to believe that?"

"Nicole I don't know what else I can say to you except that I KNOW in my heart what I feel for you and I would never do what you think I've done. I can't explain what you saw, hell I can't remember it. However my feelings for you have never changed, Samantha has never been an issue before; she isn't now and never will be; trust me."

"So in other words I'm being delusional?"

"That's not what I am saying at all. There is an explanation I'm sure of it all I know is that I would never touch that woman, I don't care if she's the mother of my child. I have never felt an ounce of what I feel for you for Samantha. I have grown to hate her more than I ever thought possible."

"You could have fooled me…"

"What did you see; tell me that at least?" I vent in frustration.

"You don't get to order me around Mister; I'm not the one on trial here."

"Am I on trial Nikki?" I caress her arm and a tingle of electricity courses between us. It's too familiar and neither of us is immune to that sensation.

"EJ…you…hurt me. You don't get to walk away from that…because I still shiver at your touch.

"That's the point Nikki; I feel exactly the same every time you touch me…kiss me. I have never been more in love than I am right this moment. You are the mother of my children…"

"Don't you mean Sami…is the mother of your children?"

"I'm not talking about her at this moment. Do you know why I fell in love with you? You are my better half. I've told you a thousand times how I love your tenacity, your strength; you are a cunning woman after my own heart. And that's exactly what you did. You broke me down and won me over.

You are my absolute best friend. You are the first thing on my mind when I wake, the last thought when I go to sleep and I can never stop thinking about you for every minute in between. I live and breathe to make you happy. YOU make me happy!"

"Stop lying, you're confusing me!" she says.

"Honey I'm not. I just want to remind you of the truth, something you know already!

What you saw, I guarantee you Nicole; THAT is the lie and no doubt orchestrated by Samantha. I know…I know it sounds ludicrous I can't believe the words coming out of my own my but what else is there? I lost the better part of a day. The idea that me and Samantha….ugh…it makes my skin crawl. When you told me you were leaving me, it's as though a death sentence had been passed over me.

You have to believe me, darling. I am telling you the truth."

"Actually no I don't. I don't have to do a damn thing. You humiliated me for the last time EJ. Samantha even had the gall to laud it over me, it's the reason I'm even in this wretched place to begin with; did you know that?

I want to claw my eyes at the memory…I had prepared everything, organised everything, the deco…the food…everything. I couldn't wait to tell you about our…about our child. We've wanted this for so long and now it was finally within our grasp and I was going to share it with you…my husband.

I left to take care of an errand but I was delayed somehow, I didn't think you'd mind so when I finally showed imagine my shock. There you were on that hideous sofa, with Sami…ugh. I ran out as fast as I could. I was sickened by the whole thing."

I am practically sick hearing her talk about that night. A part of me is desperate to know the details but another is too disgusted to even bother but one thing is clear fuming inside, furious at the whole situation. The more Nicole talks the more apparent to me that Samantha intentionally sabotaged my relationship with Nicole.

That odd phone call about how it must feel to lose someone. That bitch drugged me and set up Nicole to come in at the exact moment for her to see what she saw. I can't remember a damned thing because there's no other way for the whole episode to have happened without me being influenced by external forces and I tell Nicole just as much.

Oh Samantha you will rue the day!

"You little tryst may cost me my baby so forgive me if I'm inclined to not be so free with trust. You fooled me into believing we had this amazing life together, boy was I wrong."

"…BUT WE DO…have an incredibly amazing life together!"

I need to make her see that. Nicole knows me better than any one alive.

"Why…why are you doing this to me?"

"…Because…I see in your eyes you do believe me. You know me through and through. You love me, I know you do. There's nothing in me shocks you. I am an open book to you as you are to me. I know every expression, every little gesture and I can tell you what you are thinking tight this very minute."

I capture her beautiful face in my hands.

"I see you…the love you have for me. You told me once you were afraid it would consume you, that you would never survive it. You were wrong. Your love makes me invincible. I know this is probably cliché but what the hell? You complete me!

Look at me and tell me you don't see the same thing? We are one you and I in so many ways. Can you honestly tell me that I would purposefully do this horrible thing to you and then turn around and deny it to your face? If I could cut myself open right now and let you see into the deepest recesses of my soul, I would do that and do you know what you will find?

You…not Samantha, not any other woman, It is only you sweetheart and always will be!"

The walls built to separate us; I can see them begin to crumble. I will not allow this witch to destroy us with her machinations.

"How unfair are you? You know my weakness EJ. You ARE my weakness! I have never been able to stay mad at you even when you most deserved it. I got pregnant for the same reason. Do you remember? You wormed your way back into my heart when I was more than determined to keep you out."

"I wouldn't say 'wormed' exactly; it was more like I never left. You worked so hard to convince me…yourself that you were over me just as I did when I pushed you away, unfortunately using your sister to do it. Nicole you were always in my heart, right from the very beginning. Don't you realise something, I never could stay mad at you either, like when I found out about Sydney…"

"We are not talking about then, things are different now…at least I thought they were."

"…Precisely! We finally have everything we ever dreamed and Samantha has swooped in and is trying to take it from us. I beg you don't let her win."

"…And you helped her!"

"…And you don't know how sorry I am for that. The woman drugged me and I know that sounds like a cheap excuse but I can't think of any other explanation. She has lost everything in the last several months and she saw how wonderful things were between us and her jealousy got the better of her and set out to drive a wedge between us. She used the only weapon she had in her arsenal, your history with her."

Her eyes are cloudy with confusion…this is good! I must be getting to her. I will plead my case until she believes me or at least consider the possibility that despite what she saw, I am not lying to her.

"She called me, I don't remember which day but it was after you left with Brady, asking me how it felt to lose you. I thought nothing much about the call until this morning when things suddenly didn't make sense. Until this morning I thought it was still Sunday, when you left home, I honestly thought it was Friday evening. I couldn't understand why in the world you would leave me, coupled with the fact that I was still feeling the after effects of the drugs she must have given me, I let Brady take you.

Oh G*d that's it! (I plant my lips fully on hers, something I have been dying to do for a VERY long time) I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. Whatever Samantha used on me is probably still in my system! Ring that doctor; bring him back here so he can prove my innocence and another thing and this is something that she never counted on, we have surveillance at home. We had it installed after the shooting!

This will clear my name once and for all and restore the faith you had in our love."

"I never doubted your love. One thing I know about you is your capacity to love and you love completely! It's the reason you are still standing and not six feet under. I do know that you love me. It's just that you and Samantha have a history that cannot be erased. You share two beautiful children together. I credit you for that!"

"No we don't…I mean we don't share children that is." I correct her.

"Okay now you lost me…have you forgotten Sydney…Johnny?"

"Johnny…yes but Sydney…no; I share ONE child with Samantha, not two?"

I can see the light coming back into her eyes but she doesn't trust me.

"Okay now you have completely lost your mind!" she scoffs.

"Darling didn't you ever wonder what my great surprise was? I also had wonderful news to share with that night and I have been dying to tell you for a long, long time.

This is one of the reasons I detest Samantha Hernandez and would never…sorry I digress.

I wanted to tell under better circumstances than this, hell I shouldn't have waited till now to tell but no time like the present I guess.

About a month ago Candice came by my office threatening to expose me to the public. She brought piles of paper of things or rather people she thought I would care about…about how I somehow ruined their lives. She somehow even found out about John but that another story for another day. She mentioned something in passing that never registered, not until the following morning.

So I kicked her out on her arse and returned home to my beautiful wife and children. Come Monday morning, in my study, I perused a piece of paper. It was a transcript of an interview between Candice and you will never believe, Dr Baker. To cut the long story short, our baby girl was alive and Candice knew about it.

I did what I do best and got her to find her and you'll never believe where she was the entire time? She had been under our noses the whole time or rather she was living in our home the whole time Sydney is OUR beautiful angel, not Samantha's.

I confronted her about it since I already suspected that something was wrong in her behaviour, particularly to Sydney. We argued about it one time, that day when Sydney stayed home with us. I didn't know the truth at the time but I knew what Samantha was doing wasn't right. She tried to deny it, she blamed you obviously but she couldn't escape it.

It explains this past weekend. She talks to Johnny like what once every day. Johnny has been a ball of excitement talking about surprises, Disney and the Moon. He knew that Friday was our surprise date he perhaps told his mother who then hatched this atrocity, hoping to divide us because…in her words, she has lost everything."

"I don't believe this, I can't believe this." she says sinking back onto her pillow, exhausted.

"Believe it darling. Our precious baby, she never died. You never miscarried. Dr Baker lied to you. He lied to us!"

"How…how is this possible? Tell me you aren't yanking my chain EJ. Be completely honest with me!

Sydney…is not Sami's?"

"No, she is not!"

"She's…my daughter?"

"Yes."

"And this isn't some sort of sick joke designed to make me forget?"

"Now you know me better than that!"

"Then EJ get her to me now. I want to see my daughter!"

"I thought you'd never ask! (I pull out my cell phone)

Thomas…I need you to go to my father's and bring Sydney here to the hospital!

And another thing…I want you to pull out all surveillance around last Friday and Saturday. I want any and everything that shows Johnny's mother at the house…I don't pay you to ask me why just do it!" I snap my phone shut.

"What's the emergency?"

A nurse barges in.

"Where the hell is the doctor…but no matter, I want you take a sample of my blood, test it for drugs, any kind of drug really!" I give command.

"I…I don't understand!"

"Where the hell is the doctor then, you incompetent twit?"

"What's going on here?"

"Ahh, you finally grace us with your presence. Doctor, I believe I have been drugged this past Friday and I need this hospital to find out what it was before it dissolves completely away, considering the money I pay you!

Are you going to just stand there or should I find some other hospital to throw money its coffers?"

"Don't just stand there Melanie, do what the man says!" says the doctor.

My blood is taken in record time.

"Is there anything else you'd like us to do?" he asks.

"Yes, next time my wife calls for you, don't take five hours to get her and I expect you to be the first to walk through that door, do you understand?" my voice is as few decibels above a whisper but the menacing tone carries it to the doctor's ears unhindered. The look in his eyes told me he understood!

"That wasn't necessary you know?" Nicole says.

"Oh yes it was!"

"I wasn't talking about your Dimera horror act a minute ago. You didn't have to have your blood taken and I know I don't want to ever see videos of last Friday." She shudders.

"I know!

What changed your mind?" I ask.

"I know you and I definitely know Sami!"

The incredible joy I feel inside spills over as I can't hide it showing on my face, not that I would want to do such a thing.

"Oh my G*d, Nicole have you any idea what hearing those words means to me? I have been in hell for days thinking I had lost you and finding out that Samantha was behind the whole thing sent me into a tailspin and I didn't think I would make it out.

So you believe me, believe in me…us?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry EJ. I'm in a hospital for crying out loud, trying not lose our…our baby because of that slut! She told me she could have you any time she wanted, that you belonged to her and how I was powerless to do anything about it. I believed her!"

"That's what she wanted and I am so sorry to have put you in that situation. I should have dealt more decisively a long time ago but don't you worry. Her meddling days are numbered. I will take care of Samantha, once and for all!"

8


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46:

"How are you feeling?" I ask her.

We are both lying on her too narrow hospital bed, my whole frame barely fitting but I would not have moved for the world. We have embraced…the three of us, something I've been longing to do in I don't know how long. There are moments of quiet but they are neither awkward nor saturated in anger and hate.

We have immersed ourselves in our love and the coming together is the sweetest feeling I have ever known. Nothing can separate or ever pull us apart. Samantha has failed. I think back on this rocky road we've travelled, so many obstacles, road bumps of us hurting one another and being hurt by others. We have over come it all.

Here we are at the true beginning of it all. The beginning of a long life together with the family we never dreamed we would have. The very beginning was tainted with the secret she held in her heart. She was left to believe she lost everything when Sydney was taken away. I wish that nurse had come out from the very beginning and saved what we had.

Maybe it was meant to play out as it did. Nikki was obsessed with Samantha at the start and looking back I realise she had very good reasons for her insecurities. I had lied not to her but to myself about Samantha. I convinced myself the earth revolved around her but time was kind in its cruelty. Had Nicole not did what she did, I would have never woken to the reality of who Samantha Hernandez.

We both had to lose it all to be able to fully appreciate the good times and long to capture them again.

She wiggles a bit in my arms.

"Are you okay?" I ask again with more concern in my voice.

"I'm fine. The drugs are doing their job, I haven't had another contraction for at least an hour and even the last one was nothing to write home about. I know you're worried, don't. It's like the doctor said. We've prepared for this very scenario…"

"But darling what are the odds? I don't mean to be a downer; you should never have been here in the first place."

"Please don't…I don't want to her the name Sami or to even think it. We've worked everything out so please let's not waste…another second on her."

I am quick to apologise.

"Consider her forgotten!"

"Can you do something else for me?" She asks.

"Your wish is my command?" I reply.

"Maybe this is stupid but can you just keep holding me, exactly like this? I miss the feel of your arms around me."

"No need to ask me twice!"

We fall into another bout of silence.

"Where is Thomas, anyway? I thought he'd be here with Sydney. I can't believe she's really my daughter. All this time I spent with her. When we were separated, it felt as though a part of me had died and being with her brought me back to life. For a very long time I didn't have anything to live for. That little girl was my life…she is my life."

"I know. I wanted to tell so badly, the night I found out. I didn't know how when everything was so confusing. In only a few hours I found out our daughter was alive and that everything I first believed was true. Grace was really my child and Samantha had done everything to keep her away from me. You on the other had had done everything to get my daughter back to me.

I never thanked you for that. Thank you Nicole for bringing our child into the world; for ensuring that she would always be part of my life even when you were denied the same opportunity. I know you thought I asked you to become a part of Sydney and Johnny's life in response to me sticking it to Samantha, in part that was true but it was also true that you were always wonderful with both my children.

You managed to do in one day what she never could in a year. You saved Johnny's life. You sacrificed for them, which is more than I can say for Samantha."

"Stop, you are making me cry.

I was never so altruistic you know. I accepted your offer for pure selfish reasons. I wanted so desperately to be a mother to fill the void left behind when Sydney was taken away. I thought being with Brady would fill that gap. That I would at least forget this deep seeded need I had.

I am not a good person EJ, I never was. For the very longest of time, I was driven by greed. My life had to be filled with designer clothes, expensive jewellery and credit cards with no limits, shallow things. I wanted it all. So I jumped from bad relationship to bad relationship that got worse with every new guy.

I'm incredibly shallow and you coming into my life, something new happened. I no longer wanted to line my pockets however I did make it my life's mission to free from that gorilla. I worked so hard for your love but with Sydney…my G*d, when she came into my life; it was like I had been given a new lease on life…a do over. With Sydney I could start afresh, because here was this little life growing inside me that made me stop thinking about myself.

My every thought, my ever action was for her first and me second. Do you know how many times I thought of leaving Salem? Here I was pregnant, with no money and not a friend in the world but as long as I had her, it didn't matter if we ended up living in abject poverty. We would have been together…happy; who knows what would have happened had I left…"

"Bite your tongue Mrs Dimera!

…Such heresy!" I feign shock.

"I'm kidding…I'm only kidding about that last part. I couldn't leave you any more that I could leave Sydney. You both meant so much to me, you still do."

"I watch you with her and it never ceases to amaze me; for the four years that she's lived you never once begrudged her for being Samantha's (under mistaken assumption of course) I always loved watching you with my children. You are wrong when you say you are shallow and selfish, that you aren't a good person.

You are truly amazing, truly great and a truly wonderful person, the ONLY mother to my children. I've watched you grow over the years, how you changed for them, as much as I would love to take credit that it was your selfless love for me, I know the truth. You have a heart that has put them first despite how that affected you.

You have gone far and beyond what any one could ever expect from any person under the circumstances you faced. I was a boar when I forced you into this marriage but not once did I ever fear for my children when we were clearly at odds…something I can never say about Samantha. Do you know why? I knew in my heart you loved them as much as I did despite their DNA."

"You give me too much credit but I'm not so selfless that I won't accept. I do love them!"

My cell phone begins to ring just as I decide to kiss her. It's Thomas.

"He's outside and I was only telling you the truth. You are a wonderful cherished individual, I am proud to call my wife and mother to ALL my children." I reiterate.

My words give her a lively flush, the colour does her good. She is visibly nervous and I tell her not to worry.

"It's not like anything's changed."

"EJ, every thing has changed. I AM her mother. When I woke up this morning I was her step-mother…things have changed.

How do I look? Will she like me?'

"What's this I hear? SHE LOVES YOU! I know you are nervous but there's nothing to be nervous about. You are the true mother she's ever known, so don't worry."

I kiss her on the forehead after letting myself down from her bed, "I'll be back in a sec."

"Wait…WAIT; have you told her?" she asks fearfully.

"No, I thought we could do it together as a family."

A few minutes later, Sydney and I walk through her door, hand in hand. She breaks free from me bolting to Nicole side. She tries climbing onto the chair, instead of helping her I lift her onto the bed so they could be that much closer.

"Nicole…Nicole are you sick? Is the baby sick? Daddy wanted me to come so I can make you feel better. Are you better? Johnny and me didn't know you were sick, he couldn't come and see you he wanted to but Daddy said it was my turn first maybe he can come tomorrow when it is his turn, it wasn't so much fun at Grandpa's and grandma Kate doesn't make the animal noises when reads us to sleep, not like you and Daddy I don't think she like likes reading much. Why are you crying, are you sad?" our daughter asks.

"No baby…I'm not sad. I will never be sad again now that you're here. Your Daddy was right. I am so much better now because…because he brought my special girl to see me today. Oh Sydney, I love you so much come here?"

With tears streaming down both our faces, she embraces her child as though it was for the first time. I am just as overwhelmed, overcome with emotions.

"Don't cry. Everything will be alright, just don't cry anymore." Little Sydney pleads.

"Oh Sydney these are not sad tears, they are happy tears. I am so happy to have you with me."

"So you are not sad?"

"No."

"You are really so happy?"

"Yes. There is something else I…we want to tell you."

Nicole looks at me and I tip my head before she can continue. This is her moment.

"Sydney you know how there is a beautiful little baby growing inside me right now. You have felt him or her kick when he's excited like when you were rubbing my tummy the other day?"

Sydney nods her head.

Did you know that you were also carried inside your mommy exactly as this baby?"

Sydney gives another nod of the head.

"Well let me tell you something…I carried YOU inside of me.

Do you know what that means? It means I am your mother!"

There's a moment's pause and for a split second I fear Nicole will breakdown the way she's hanging on Sydney's reaction. She's afraid of being rejected and my heart breaks at the prospect although I know my daughter. She truly loves Nicole.

"Are you saying that I was inside your tummy too?" Sydney asks as she holds Nicole's belly.

"Yes you were my angel."

"You mean I also kicked and moved like the baby does every time I hold him?"

"Yes, you did and you were so strong too. One time I thought that you were going to jump right out."

"Did I Daddy, was I strong?" she turns to me.

"Yes Poppet, you were."

She turns back to Nicole.

"So you are MY Mommy like Daddy is my Daddy?"

"Yes I am," say Nicole, daring to hope.

And something that she didn't expect to happen happened. Sydney leapt and hugged her.

"Is it okay if I called you Mommy?"

Nicole is clearly ecstatic and so am I but something about the way Sydney phased the question bugs me but I shelve it immediately.

"I love you Mommy!" she declares and kisses Nicole on the cheek.

A fresh set of tears find their way down Nicole's cheeks.

"Are you crying happy tears again Mommy?" Sydney asks to which Nicole, overcome with love, can only nod to.

Soon after my two girls fall into the daily routine, Sydney was always the quiet one where as you can never stop Johnny from talking. But when she's around Nicole, the words trapped inside suddenly find an outlet.

I pull up the chair and enjoy my favourite past time, watching mother and daughter interact.

"…And she didn't even know which coloured top went with which shoes. I had to show her."

"NOOOO!" That is my wife's reaction to this riveting fashion review. They are so wonderfully in sync together I can't help smiling from ear to ear.

"When I told Grandpa he laughed and laughed…" continues Sydney.

"And what happened next?" Nicole asks as Sydney is nestled in her arms, as she smoothed her hair in an absent minded way.

It doesn't even bother me that I am completely forgotten.

"…That's when Johnny came after me and started tickling me…"

"You mean something like this?" Nicole asks.

A sudden burst of laughter and giggles fills the whole room. Sydney is in complete stitches writhing in Nicole's arms. They do this all the time. Nicole always lulls her into a state of peace before going at it, tickling her until Sydney can't take any more. We are not in a hospital any more. We're back in the family room by the fireplace and we are all smiles.

The scene playing before warms my heart. This time yesterday, I was out of it. My life was for all intents and purposes over. My family had fallen apart without so much as a warning and today I am the happiest man in the world.

A while later a nurse comes in telling us that Nicole needs to rest. We both need to leave and neither one of us is at all happy about that.

"Daddy no, I want to stay. I want' to stay here with Nic…I mean Mommy. Please can't I stay? I promise I will be a good girl. I will be the goodest girl in the whole wide world." My little one pleads.

Nicole is about to ask the same thing but I know the nurse is right. She's had too much happen today and I am inclined to side with the nurse however terrible it is to endure another night away from her.

"I know Poppet, I'll tell you what, tomorrow, and we can come again to see Mommy. How does that sound. She is so happy to see you but she and the baby are also now tired. You get so sleepy when you're tired.

"Oh okay," she says sullenly. Sydney then puts her ear to Nicole's stomach.

"Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop when the wind blows, the cradle with rock. When the…b…" she starts singing and gets stuck.

"When the bough breaks the cradle will fall…" I jump in and help her along.

"Are you better Mommy, did I make you and the baby better?" she asks after we finish.

"Yes Angel, I'm so much better. We…are so much better because you came to see us." Nicole cries, hugging Sydney tightly to her chest. "I love you Sydney, I always loved you and I will always love you!"

Sydney and I walk out hand in hand, promising to return tomorrow.

7


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47:

I drive through my father's massively imposing gates, to drop Sydney off. She doesn't understand why I can't take her home, not yet anyway. With Nicole in the hospital I know I won't be much company for my children worrying about her condition every five minutes. It's a good thing father doesn't mind so much having his grandchildren so close at hand. He claims they keep him young.

"But why can't I come home with you Daddy?" she asks again.

She's exercising my patience, pushing it to the limit. As much as I want to spend this time with her something else demands my attention. Thomas did what I asked. Right now in my study is the footage from Friday's surveillance. So the sooner I am done here the closer I am to finding out what happened to me.

Father meets us at the door.

"Elvis what is this, I was under the impression that the children would return to you tonight now that you and Nicole are…what shall I say uh…home?"

"I was under the impression that you wanted to spend time with your grandchildren, am I wrong?"

"No, no I love my little bambini. They can stay here as long as you like. Come inside both of you."

A minute later Mary comes to fetch Sydney; she is making smoothies in the kitchen for Johnny. She asks if Sydney would like one of her own to which my daughter jumps in ecstasy. Apparently Mary is the best smoothy in the world.

"Please Daddy can I go?" she asks.

"Of course darling, run along but be careful." I shout to her.

"She's getting so big now." My father says.

I look at him and I know he's been dying to say something since I showed up."

"So is it true? I hear that Nicole's moved out. You look terrible, it must be true" he says.

"News sure travels fast in this town. It's not what you think."

"Tell me Elvis what am I thinking? My son, still married to a woman not worthy of him, someone I never approved to provide a stable home for his children. She moves out and he tells me I've got it all wrong.

Please explain it to me. Did she or did she not move out into the Kiriakis mansion of all places?" he asks, his anger simmering beneath the surface.

Any other person would be cowered into submission at the sight but not me and father knows this. It only serves to add fuel to a raging inferno. Father doesn't take kindly to being defied. His word is law but only up to a point and Nicole, to his chagrin is one deterrent. It's one of the reasons I am so drawn to her.

"As I said father it is not what you think. And I would much appreciate it if you kept your voice down, I don't want to upset the children!"

"Elvis stop being evasive and tell me what the hell is going on. Has the bitch gone back to her lover?"

"Father I will not tolerate her being talked about that way. She has not left me, she is still my wife and you will show her some respect…as the mother of your grandchildren."

"Elvis, get a hold of yourself, she will never be mother of your children. She's carrying a Black spawn as we speak…"

"ENOUGH! Sydney is Nicole's. It's the reason she is in the hospital right now trying to save the life of another one of your bambini!

My wife is carrying MY child, not Brady's and I demand you respect her as such!"

He looks shocked! For the first time, he is speechless.

"She's having my child whether you like it or not and right now our child life hangs in the balance.

Instead of jumping on my case and insulting the woman I love, I need you to take care of Sydney and Johnny for a few more days while we wait to see how her condition pans out."

"How can that be possible?"

"Father, do you really need me to explain this to you? Nicole is having my baby. A DNA test proves this. How's the irony, on the day I find out I'm going to be a father again is the day my wife lands in hospital and it's my fault."

"Elvis you are losing me here. You say Sydney is Nicole's daughter and not Samantha's and that you are the father of her unborn child and not Brady?"

There's a look no living man has ever seen, my father is confused. He doesn't know whether to laugh or jump for joy.

"Surprise!" it's all I'm able to say.

I pour him and myself a glass of brandy. I down mine immediately while he stands there flabbergasted.

"Drink up father; you are going to be a grandfather…again."

"Explain this to me. Start from the beginning!"

"It all started with our good friend Dr Richard Baker."

He is quiet as I recite everything about Nicole's so called miscarriage, Sydney's birth and how she later came into our lives. I told him that Grace was truly the child I had with Samantha and how she was switched back by the nurse in her effort to right Dr Baker's wrong.

I told him of the confrontation with Samantha about Sydney and her horrible treatment of my little girl. And how in retaliation Nicole now finds her self facing another preterm birth with all the uncertainty it entails.

"What about this baby she is carrying, how did this happen, I mean the confusion?'

"It happened after she moved out. It was after she had found me writhing in pain on the floor. After I returned home from the hospital, I had what you may call an epiphany. My relationship with Taylor was superficial at best. Nicole was always the woman I wanted but I had given her my heart before and she had crushed it. I vowed never to love again."

"Then why the hell did you marry her then?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to prove something to myself, that I didn't love her as deeply as I feared. Taylor was nothing but a prop used to quash any resurfacing feelings and I managed to convince myself that she was the woman for me. But I am a Dimera. She saw this mirage that wasn't there and every damn day it became apparent to me which woman I truly loved and I ran.

When she found me that day she did more than save my life, Nicole gave it back to me. after spending months thinking I wanted to be as far away from her as humanly possible I came home from the hospital wanting nothing more than to be with her but it was too late. I had finally succeeded in driving her away. I came down from the false high of my relationship with a cheap version of my wife. I knew then I wanted to keep her in my life but she pushed me away.

The tables had turned. Nicole shunned me at every turn but I always knew she loved me. She could stay away for long and one night she didn't. In the morning she told me it would never happen again. Her claim that it was Brady she loved and not me repelled me but in my heart I knew she was mine and she was very much aware. I couldn't stay away from her and neither could she stay away from me. Nicole and I were meant for one another father, that toad Black was powerless to stop it.

That witch Samantha has set out to come between us because her life has fallen apart and she blame me, Nicole; she blames the whole of Salem for crying out loud. She went after Nicole through me and now my child could die because of her."

It's at the end of my story where father finally gulps down his glass.

"Are you sure it is Samantha. You have seen the footage…"

"I don't need the footage to know it's her I just need to know what and how she did it."

"What are you going to do?" he asks but I can see he knows the answer to that question.

"I am going to make her pay!"

4


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48:

Friday 18:47

I hear the sound of a car drive by the window of the Tuscan themed dining hall. I look back at everything to make sure nothing is out of place. It's perfect, Nicole outdid herself. I do a last minute check in the mirror…EVERYTHING must be perfect, including me. I will light the candles as she gets ready. I hope she won't take too long; I am not as patient as I like to have people think.

Fri. 19:01

What is taking her so long; she should be here with me. Wait, I hear footsteps so I walk over to the table to pour us a Virgin Kir in two long champagne flutes.

"Darling, I thought you'd never get here. I made us some drinks, non-alcoholic of course." I turn with both glasses in my hands.

"…Sorry EJ but I'm not your 'Darling'. I thought I'd pay you a visit, seeing that you're set to take Sydney away from me…" says Samantha.

Bloody hell, what does she want?

"I don't have time for this Samantha and Sydney; she was never yours to begin with. You've stolen three years of her life with her real mother so I don't see the purpose of your little visit. I would like you to leave!"

"I've stolen nobody and I'm not going anywhere, not till I say what I came to say." She says, ignoring the scowl on my face.

"Make it quick then. I'm expecting Nicole, any minute now, you know…MY WIFE." I stress the term 'my wife' since she's no longer a wife to anybody."

"What happened to the great Dimera hospitality? I remember a time when I used to make your knees go weak at the sight of me, EJ." She walks towards me, I stand my ground. "Offer me a drink," she says.

"I'm offering you the door, go now." I set the glasses back on the table and look at my watch.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk EJ, why the rush, Nicole's not here? I said I've come to talk. It's about my children, yes, my children. Despite what you think, I do still love Sydney."

"You could have fooled me." I interject.

"I raised that little girl as though she was my own, there's not a single day that went by where I didn't treat her as such so don't you dare belittle what I feel for her."

"Samantha you only cared as far as you conscience allowed you and since you don't have much of that, what conclusion must I draw except that you NEVER loved Sydney. I don't see the point of this little visit, you trying to ingratiate yourself into my good graces is a waste of both our time.

You are her about Johnny, you know he is all you have left and so you've come here to plead your case."

She looks smitten, good. It's best she knows who is in control.

"Alright fine, I'll get straight to the point. You are correct; Johnny is all I have left. Rafe is gone, he won't even speak to me and Lucas has never really forgiven me for what I did all those years ago. I think he enjoys the idea of having my children grow without their mother. That's why I am here.

I need Johnny to remain a part of my life, in fact I want more than what you've given me. One whole weekend every fortnight is too little and you know that with my job, I can't spend any other time with him that's in between. I need to see my son; I need to be with him."

"I beg to differ. I'm inclined to think that Johnny would in fact fare better away from you, than with you. I see the wisdom in Lucas's actions. He did a marvellous job of raising that other son of yours with little or no input at all from you. Not having you in Johnny's life is more an advantage on his part than you think." I say walking away from her.

Fri. 19:18

I'm bored with this conversation. As usual Samantha is all about her, her and her! Having three children has not incurred growth and maturity and it is a tragedy for Johnny. Is it wise to continue to expose him at such an ill-bred and infantile mannered mother? Better yet…why the hell is this woman still in my house and where is Nicole for that matter? It's not like her to be late.

"You bastard, you think you can just keep me away from him, you are seriously wrong. I AM HIS MOTHER and there's nothing you can do about it."

I hear the clinking of bottle and glass; she's pouring herself a stiff one. (With my back turned I don't see that she's slipped something into one other glass which she fills with brandy. She swirls the drink, in an effort to dissolve the foreign content.)

"Last I checked, I never asked you to make yourself at home." I remind her.

"Oh this is nothing to you, I'm sure, plus I poured you one since you are going to need it. (I turn to face her and she offers me the tainted brandy but I make no move to accept). I came to make clear some few things. I don't care what fairytale you think you are living EJ Dimera but that…thing you call your wife, she will never be mother to Johnny. Do you hear me?

You think now that Sydney has turned out to be Nicole's that you can steal my son away from me, that I'm going to roll over and play dead? You don't know me as well as you thought. Over the years you have done the most horrible things to me and my family and you have never paid for any of them. I will not let you do this to me again.

You put me through hell EJ and it stops now!" she huffs, her voice beginning to elevate in pitch. How I don't miss that.

"Samantha, you must be slow in comprehension, everything I have done to you was merited. You are not the innocent you have fooled yourself and the whole town into thinking. Lucas saw right through you, I saw through your little act, thank G*d and now Rafael has too. I'm sure he toasts in celebration for every day he is away from you, I know I do.

If you are miserable and alone, it is all you. I had nothing to do with your sorry state. I must thank you though, had you not shot me in the head, I would never have seen you for miserable cur you are. What ever remnant feelings I thought I still harboured for you bled out that day. And for the first time in years I was able to think clearly.

My little Sydney proved to me once and for all that you are a selfish human being and have no heart. And for the first time in a long time that child will know unconditional love and by G*d so will Johnny, I don't care about your half baked pleas or threats. I dictate Johnny's future dealings with you, you can scream all you want, it won't help one bit."

Fri. 19:28

She pours herself another.

"You are so wrong. (She offers me the previously declined brandy, I'm still not interested). Come on EJ I didn't come here to fight. I thought that for once we could be amicable and come to some sort of understanding. We are no longer a part of each other's lives and I thought we could at least celebrate that piece of truth. I don't want anything else from you except my son." She sweetens her tone.

"I know that what you have with Nicole is in fact beyond my understanding. The woman is a first class liar and a manipulator, that's how you got Sydney in the first place. I won't argue with that. You can all ride off into the putrid sunset together for all I care." She says moving towards me (with the poisoned chalice in hand).

"Come on EJ, let's drink…to both our freedom, and to wanting the absolute best for Johnny.

But judging from the look on your face I can see I have overstayed my welcome." She says downcast.

I take the glass she's offering me; I can see the edges of her lips turn slightly upwards. She walks away from me.

"How perceptive…" I say and down the brandy in one move. The hot liquid burns a path down my chest.

"…Great…" she says.

Fri. 19:37

"I…I thought you were leaving?" I say.

"Not yet, the party's about to start. I'm just waiting for our main guest to arrive.

"What…what are you t-t-talking about?" I ask, suddenly aware that something is not quite right.

"Nicole, silly…we are waiting on her, our guest of honour. You see she had to see to a little errand that concerned Brady, it's why Nicole is late to what ever this was (She points to the dinner for two table situated in the middle of the Dinning hall). Who am I kidding, I sent her to Brady over some trivial thing.

Something is wrong, seriously wrong…with me.

"S-S-Samantha...w-what have you d-d-done to m-m-me?" I ask certain of her guilt.

The room begins to shift on its axis, although she is only a few feet away from me, the distance between us feels an eternity. I must get to her.

"W-W-What t-t-the h-hell h-have y-you d-d-done to m-m-me, T-T-TELL M-M-ME?"

My words are slurred; the room is in total spin mode. The walls appear near then far, my outstretched arms are trying to get hold of not only the evasive walls but Samantha as well. She laughs at me, mocking me about how I can't beat her.

"What's the matter EJ? You are not so sure of yourself now aren't you? You are not so sure about anything anymore.

I want you to know something…you were right, it's all me. I'm the one who's about to completely destroy your life. It's only fair that you and Nicole are as miserable as I am. We are quite a pair the three of us. Our lives are so intertwined like a tri cord rope that it didn't seem right to go through this all by my lonesome so I've come to spread the misery, the suffering and the pain as I am sure you both deserve to experience fully.

You think you are all going to live as one big happy family? You are so wrong. The only downside to my little plan is that you probably won't remember a thing once it wears off, but she will remember everything. I guarantee it and really that's all that matters after all.

Since that bitch came back to Salem, she has set out to take everything from me. She stole my brother's affection only to crush his heart by marrying Lucas for money. Oh and to have Lucas swoon over her ungrateful behind every damn day was agony enough and I hated him, I will never forget. Then you, YOU; I told you to stay away from her but you would not listen to me, so now here we are."

"…Y-Y-YOU B-B-B-B-ITCH…" I curse her almost stumbling to the floor.

"Careful there stud, we don't want to ruin the big surprise now do we?" she says as she slithers away from my grasp.

"Uh…I'm go-go-going t-t-to k-kill you!"

"You have to catch me first" she laughs and disappears down the passage.

Fri. 19:46

I stagger through the main living room doors, holding onto them for support. I can barely move, let alone stand. My head is buzzing. I keep thinking back to Nicole and the children and oh how I long to just sit down and lie down for a while and bask in her sweetness but that snake is still in my house and I need to be rid of her one way or another.

"You…can't…run…forever…" I say trying to clear my thoughts.

"Who said anything about running?

Would you have guessed that I'd be standing here with you and Nicole would be back in the arms of her true lover, Brady?"

"Y-Y-You are l-l-lying?" I say, sounding more and more like a drunkard.

"If I'm l-l-lying to you then where is she? She should have been back ages ago but alas, it's just you and me. Can you imagine what they could be doing right now? She is carrying his baby after all and pregnant women have a plethora of hormones and emotions racing through their bodies, I should know. They soften towards the father of their unborn child, imagining that maybe that new family is what she should seek instead of holding on to the past."

She seems to be talking to herself than to me or is she? I can't tell anymore. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. She's stopped moving. This is my chance…I lung at her making contact. My hands move round her stumpy neck.

"I…AM…G-G-GOING…T-TO K-KILL YOU…"

I say the words over and over, trying to invoke what ever strength that has been decimated from me with every passing minute. Samantha continues to laugh no matter how hard I squeeze.

"Aww, poor wittle Elvis made impotent by a defenceless woman half his size. What has become of him?"

"I'm…go-going…to…kill...you…" I repeat the words but with reduced gusto.

Delirium beckons me. And I lean down heavily on her small frame.

"Come on, it's time to get ready. We don't want to miss the curtain call…" she says as she drags my leaden body to the sofa.

Samantha begins to remove my jacket then unbuttons my shirt. She unbuckles the belt and although she's breathing heavily from the effort, she manages to pull down my trousers. We both hear a car pull up the drive way. I slip in and out of consciousness. I am fighting what ever evil is coursing through my veins.

"It is show time," she says partially removing her own clothes in lightening speed and then she straddles my hips.

I try to push her off…but nothing. My hands are too heavy to lift, my body weighs a ton. I am paralysed from head to toe. Dear Lord, get this woman off of me.

"Pucker up Elvis, you are about to put on a show of a lifetime." She says before her lips coerce mine in a hellish act. I have thrown her off a million times in my head but unfortunately I have no more strength in me to do so physically.

Fri. 19:59

"Honey, I'm home!"

OH G*D NO, it is Nicole's voice. Please, please keep her away! My prayer is more silent than a monastery.

"Get off me you witch, you bitch, you hound of hell. GET OFF ME!"

But the words are stuck in my throat as my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth.

I cannot see Nicole but I hear her gasp in horror. Samantha's eyes are closed but she smiles into my mouth. She moves her mouth to whisper in my ear, moaning and groaning as though she's in the throws of passion. We both know better but not Nicole…

"Let's give her something to remember us, this night by," says Samantha

She accelerates her movement, heightening her screams and calling out my name in feigned passion while I lay there as stiff and as dead as a marble statue.

Fri 20:00

I can hear Nicole's steps run down the passage, her sobs are unmistakable. It's the last thing I am aware of.

Fri 20:03

Nicole is no where in sight; the beast finally extricates herself from my lap. There's a look of total disgust plastered on her face. I unfortunately am out cold. Samantha puts on her discarded clothing and minutes later begins dress me, to leave me in the same condition she found me 45 minutes ago.

"Well done EJ, what a performance." She says and walks out.

Fri 20:32

I am lying on my back on the sofa and nothing looks amiss. There is nothing out of place…there is no Samantha…there is no Nicole!

7


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49:

"How long have you been here? Why didn't you wake me?" she asks.

"…Not long and I didn't want to wake you because you looked so peaceful."

"Please EJ, I look like hell. I feel like I'm carrying a house and I'm just waiting…"

"Sweetheart, you look beautiful. You look like a mother."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"It's true!"

"Please, I look awful and I feel ten times worse. I want this baby out of me right now but it's not time…two months EJ. Why can't it wait two more months?

Despite my own feelings I need this baby to be okay…healthy. I don't care what Dr Monroe says. I haven't had a contraction in a long while and when I do, it's usually so mild I can barely feel it. I'm doing all the breathing exercises; this baby is not ready to come out."

I wish I could assure her about the doctor's decision to deliver our baby much sooner than we'd like. In his words it's far better to be in control of the conditions, it's better to dictate the result than if we waited for the baby to come on its own volition. I'm just as apprehensive as Nicole. This walking into the unknown is frustrating.

"I guess we are going to have to trust the doctor knows what he's doing. He says more and more mothers have C-sections everyday and the technology is so advanced, we have nothing to worry about."

"Come here." She says.

I lean closer to her.

"…A little closer, sir…"

I do as she asks, our noses just touching lightly.

"Thank you…for being here. I was so afraid, before. I know it's irrational but at the Kiriakis mansion, when the cramps got worse and worse, I freaked and Brady came with me, it took me back to all those years ago. I was so afraid, of losing our baby like before. I couldn't get hold of you. I was so angry with you but I wanted you here by my side to tell me it would be alright."

"I am here and it's not like before. Nothing could drag me away, I promise you. There's no place I would rather be than beside you. This is where I belong, I took some wrong turns along the way but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

I can see where this conversation is leading and soon enough I fall into that treacherous ravine. Samantha is a sore subject for both of us and I'm not sure sharing the details of what I discovered is worth it at this point, but how can I just sit here in this very room and look my wife in the eye and just let things be. I should be satisfied that Nicole knows me enough to trust me but something must be done about that witch, that's for sure.

"What is it, is it Sami? You look like you just swallowed a poodle a second ago."

"It's nothing,"

"Which usually means it's something. You left here last night determined to find about last Friday and I know I said I wasn't interested…"

"It's nothing important at least not right now. You need to concentrate on you and forget about Samantha. She'll get what's coming to her."

"Oh great way to put my mind at ease there Elvis…"

"Nicole please,"

"No EJ, we are, at best, a day away from bringing our child into this world; can you at least leave Samantha out of this? I am tired of always having to deal with that woman. I have had to deal with her every damn day. This is our time; you, me, the baby…and Sydney. Enough is enough!"

"She set out to destroy us, to pull us apart and make you believe that I would abandon you for her. I'm sorry Nicole but I just can't let that go. I know what she did and she's not going to get away with it. I'm going to make her suffer, even if it's the last thing I do.

She played us both for her sick and twisted mind. She is the reason you are here today. She found out about our dinner date from Johnny, I don't doubt. Samantha planned the whole thing. She sent you on a wild goose chase to Brady and then drugged me and waited till you came home to make you think I did…"

"Enough EJ, I don't care about Samantha, I told you that already. Let it go, she's not worth it. She's irrelevant in our lives. As you said she tried to destroy us but she failed. Give it a rest; I want my loving husband back, not this vengeful one, although I love him too.

EJ…ooh…EJ please stop. Don't…you see? Sami is like a virus once you let her in she will suck you dry. You have never lived to enjoy the birth of Johnny or Sydney and this business with Sami can potentially rob you of yet another miracle of watching you child be born.

I know you EJ, once you go down this path, you are like those wild animals that don't let go once they have their prey, where the teeth snap shut and they never let go, not for anything.

So…please, for us, just this once, let this Sami thing go.

Ow…ow…OW…"

She's beginning to sweat, I can see little beads of sweat on her forehead and her hand feels a little clammy. Her breathing is getting quite shallow. It's because of you I can't let go and I won't, the words remain unsaid but I can feel them pulsing through my veins.

"Ooh…ooh…wow that…was a little strange." She says.

"Nicole, are you alright darling?" I ask, alarm bells ringing in my head.

"I'm fine, it's nothing. It's probably another false contraction." She says but I can see her pained expression says otherwise.

"I'm getting Dr Monroe, this looks serious. Let go of my hand Nicole while I get…"

"NO, I said it's fine I'm fine! Just…just sit here with me…ooh. EJ, it's okay," she says taking practised short breaths in and out.

She's barely noticed that her hand has crushed mine. My poker face is sheer brilliancy, she can't read me. We are both trying so hard to make light of what is clearly a serious situation.

"EJ help me down."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I ask in bewilderment.

She throws aside her sheets, dragging her feet off the bed.

"Oh no you don't, you are staying in bed, doctor's orders. He said you must be off you feet…'

"ARGH…EJ please, I'm just taking a short walk. It will help calm me…ow…JUST HELP ME DAMN IT!"

My brain is screaming for me to get the doctor but she's determined to ignore me. I throw her right arm over my shoulder and lift her off the bed, supporting most of her weight. We didn't even take a single step before my wondering eye lands on the vacant bed.

"DEAR G*D…" I exclaim.

"ARGH…ARGH…what is it?" she asks, weary all of a sudden. "What is it…AARGGHHHH?" She stifles her scream, burying it in conversation but I know better.

"Baby, you need to lie down for me, please. I'm getting Dr Monroe, right now."

"EJ what is it, you are scaring me!"

I push all buttons on the remote connected somewhere. Her breaths are irregular and uncontrolled. Everything she's learned over the past months flies out the window.

"Nikki, I need you to breathe for me. Calm down, everything will be okay once the doctor gets here.

Where the hell is he?"

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHH…EJ, I think the baby is coming.

...AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!"

"Darling, just breathe, breathe Nicole. Everything will be alright."

A second later the doctor and a nurse walk in…

"...AAAAARGHHHHHHHH!" Nicole screams yet again.

"Doctor I believe it's time," I try explaining; all the while Nicole keeps squeezing the life out of my hand.

"...AAAAARGHHHHHHHH, doctor it's not time yet." She pleads with him.

"We talked about this…"

"…Enough talking doctor; HELP MY WIFE!"

"Of course, we will take you to the OR but first we need to administer anaesthesia, general or spinal or epidural."

"Doctor, I don't care what you give me as long as my baby is okay," she says.

Minutes later we are in the operating room, Nicole's lower body has been numbed along with her legs. I'm dressed in some scrubs, mask included. Nicole is in full panic mode but at least her physical pain is minimal.

I hold her hand, "Sweetheart you are doing great."

"Shut up EJ…I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, you know I didn't mean that." She apologises.

"I know, don't worry about it." I kiss her moist brow.

"Do you want a boy or a girl? We never talked about this," she says.

"It doesn't matter, as long as you are both safe, I don't care." I kiss her full on the lips.

"Me too, I just want our baby born healthy…as healthy as we can get him…or her. I love him…or her so very much. When I found out he was ours I had never been so happy in my life. I thought G*d had given us a second chance to make up for Sydney…and Johnny in a way.

Call me strange but I have always wanted to give you a child, to watch your face light up as our baby came into the world. I knew how hurt you were over missing out on Sydney and Johnny. I knew when those results confirmed it that this baby was more than my miracle, but that he…or she was our miracle; our do-over so to speak. So he has to be okay, he needs to be okay." She says squeezing my hand.

Minutes later, the baby is out.

"Congratulations," the doctor says. "It's a boy."

After he's given to the nurse, she proceeded to clean him and that's when we heard his first cry.

"Oh G*d, Nikki love did you hear that? It's a boy, our beautiful baby boy."

"A boy…how is he, is he okay…tell me?" She's asks, trying to lift herself off the bed/table.

"I want to see him; I want to see him now! Please tell me he's okay, please…please."

"The baby is fine, isn't he doctor? They just need to take care of you for a bit. As soon as they finish, they will bring him to you." I try to ease her anxiety.

"Your husband is right; you have nothing to worry about. He's being taken care of in the best paediatric facility in the whole of Salem, but first we need to take care of his mother."

"Doctor…" one of the nurses calls him to attention.

"Are you…sure…that…he's…that he's…"

"Nicole…Nicole, open your eyes darling?

Doctor is this normal?

Nicole, Nikki come on now; open your eyes?" I ask her but get no response

"Doctor there's just too much blood…" says a nurse, nervously.

There's suddenly a flurry of action around me, everybody is flying to and fro, and the room is in frenzy.

"What the hell is going on, doctor why isn't she responding?" I ask again more vocally, breaking the spell hanging over that room. For a minute I was forgotten as the doctor called for suction, sponge and every other surgical name I never heard. Something is clearly wrong.

"I'm sorry sir but we are going to have to ask you to leave while the doctor works on your wife."

"NOOO, I'm not going anywhere. I am not leaving my wife; you told me this was a simple procedure, taking no more that an hour. The nurse said something about too much blood. What does that mean?

She was awake a second ago, somebody better tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Mr Dimera please, you have to let the doctor work. This is a delicate time; unfortunately we can't have you in here, if you please wait outside."

"Don't you touch me, something is wrong isn't it? You bastard…YOU BASTARD, YOU DID THIS!" Now I am in a panic.

They refuse point blank to tell me what is going on and they aren't even bothering to lie to me about it. Dr Monroe said it was a simple surgery. He delivered my son in minutes and he was supposed to close up Nicole's abdomen half an hour later. According to the doctor two incisions were made, the initial opening and then the opening of the uterus to separate my son from his mother. It seemed to be going as planned but why so much blood…unless they cut too deep, cut where they shouldn't have.

"Sir, please come with me, right now!" she says sternly, dragging me to my feet.

Before I knew my left from my right, I'm standing in the hallway; my heart in my chest is racing without a heading. My chest, it feels as though is about to cave in on itself. I'm wrought with both incredible joy and a fear so paralysing I can't breathe. When I heard my son cry for the first time as the doctor held his tiny body in his hand, I had never heard a more beautiful sound. I had never seen such a magnificent object of perfection than my son's tiny little hands and his tiny little feet. He was born before time but he was alive.

Nevertheless the silence is ringing in my ears, Nicole's voice is blatantly missing…we were meant to share in this joy together. My happiness is not complete without her. I peer through the glass in the door in front of me and nothing has changed. All I see is blood, it's smeared everywhere; the bed, the railing, the floor. Oh G*d this cannot happen. She just can't…

She can't leave me, not now, not ever. A nurse lifts her head and looks directly into my eyes and I can see the resignation written all over her face. She walks towards the door only to pull a curtain to shield the activity inside. I'm shut out. I cannot celebrate the birth of my son and mourn his mother on the same day. I will not accept this turn of event. I cannot accept this.

"Oh G*d, oh G*d, don't take her from me. Don't take her from me. Don't take her from me. Don't take her from me. Don't take her away from me. I won't live without her. I can't live without her.

We are just building our life together, this can't be over.

Don't take her away from me…please…please…please…"

"EJ, what are you doing out here." It's Lexi.

"Oh Lexi, it's the baby…."

"Is she okay, father called me last night and told me. I spoke to Dr Monroe this morning; he said the baby wasn't due yet."

"He wasn't he came earlier than expected. We were just talking and I mentioned Samantha and I think that's what set the whole thing off. Nikki didn't even want to think about her but I couldn't help myself. It's because of HER that Nicole is in there right now fighting for her life."

"So the baby…?" She asks, unsure how to proceed.

"He's so beautiful Lex, and he has such a strong pair of lungs, we heard him cry. They took him away before she could even see him; and now she could die and it's my fault. It's my fault, my fault!" I sob, struggling to maintain my composure.

My sister hugs me for the first time in a long time.

"No it's not, don't talk that way. Dr Monroe is the best I am sure they have everything in control. It is not your fault remember that!

Nicole is a fighter; it's one of the things you love about her. She has fought so hard to get here, she won't give up now. You, dear brother, don't give up on her. She needs you to be strong for her, yourself and your new born son." she says as she continues to hold me.

My sister Lexi has never truly appreciated my love for Nicole, not once but I am so grateful to her at this moment, my heart just about breaks. To have her support means the world to me, over the past few months we've been at odds because of the mayoral race against Abraham. We have had disagreements to put it mildly so for her to do this for me, means the world.

"Does father know?" she leans back to look me in the eye.

"There wasn't time. Like I said we were talking and the next thing, her contractions began. She said it was nothing and told me she wanted to go for a walk. I thought she was crazy but then I saw the blood on her sheets and suddenly all hell broke loose. We were fine one minute and then the next…

Tell me she's going to be okay? Tell me my wife is not going to die?"

I'm met with silence.

NO.

8


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50:

"What am I going to do without her? She cannot die!"

"And she won't. Come on little brother, this is Nicole we're talking about. Dr Monroe is the best, have a little faith."

She's doing her best to calm me down but how can I? I never thought my life would be so wrapped around Nicole's this way. I can't bear one minute without her and the possibility of facing a lifetime is devastating to say the least.

"Come with me."

I don't respond.

"EJ please…"

My mind finally registers what Lexi is trying to do and my first instinct is rebellion. She cannot ask me to leave, I promised Nicole that I would never leave her and I don't intend to break my word. My heart won't let me.

Life is indeed cruel; we fooled ourselves into believing we had it all. We did have it all, we DO have it all and I'm not walking away from it!

"EJ…EJ, you can't stand out here waiting. Dr Monroe will come find you as soon as he has something for you but until then, there is someone else here that needs you, your son.

Have you seen him since?" she asks with concern in her eyes.

Oh G*d no, how could I forget. Lexi can see it on my face.

"It's okay," she says. "I'll go with you. I would love to meet my newest nephew. From what you told me, he's every bit a Dimera, I wouldn't expect anything less."

She pulls me by the hand, leading me down the hall.

We arrive in a completely unfamiliar section of the hospital, the neonatal intensive care unit. Lexi explains to me that this is going to be my little boy's home for the next few months perhaps less if we are lucky. She tells me that he won't look like any other ordinary baby born after a full term pregnancy.

'He's small as I'm sure you've seen but since they've washed away all the blood and amniotic fluid he will much look paler than usual, you may see some of his blood vessels through his skin, don't worry about that.

You said you heard him cry, that's good because it means his lungs are better developed but they may have to observe him carefully. He will likely have tubes and wires attached to some part of his tiny frame to monitor his breathing, his heart rate, his blood pressure and temperature."

Lexi and I walk through the ward and a nurse guides us to where Boy Dimera is resting. There's a nurse by his incubator, looking over what seems to be his charts.

I thank my sister but her words hardly prepare me for coming face to face with my child. It is as she said but the impact of seeing his tiny frame inside that plastic tubing knocks the wind out of me. He is so tiny, so helpless. My instinct to take him in my arms is curbed by the nurse still working.

"I just want to hold my boy," I can't help flaring at the rude woman beside my child.

She's not intimidated.

"I understand sir but as you can see; your son is very much still fragile. We need to get him comfortable as soon as possible. He is hungry and we are doing the best we can since your wife is currently unavailable." She says with an air of importance.

My anxiety makes way for my fury, to her defence, Lexi steps in and condescendingly reminds her that it is okay for me to hold my son, that the sooner he has human contact and the more of it he has the better are his chances of recovering sooner rather than later.

"Nurse, it is in the baby's full interest that he interacts with a parent and as you said his mother cannot be her but the father certainly is. I assure you he will fare better than if you just left him in this cold lifeless place."

"But Doctor Carver…"

"No buts, you will allow my brother to hold him. You will show him what he needs to do for my nephew's sake. I'm not asking you. I see you are feeding him intravenously," she says.

Every now and then my sister does or says something that father would be very proud of. She's done everything in her power to suppress the Dimera inside her but it's there nonetheless. Nurse Sinclair did as she was commanded. She didn't like it but she did it anyway.

The most I could do at the time was to stroke his little chest, gently…softly; the least human touch, according to Lexi went a long way. Soon I will be able to hold him but what I longed for the most was that Nicole could experience this as I was. He is our special child. I some ways it's like he is our first.

As much as Sydney is our world, Nicole was in a sense denied to chance to connect with her own child. My brain literally goes into a frazzle just thinking about Sydney and how she came back into our lives. Nicole was always wary of her secret coming out, had she known the truth then…

Now here I am with our son and she is not here.

Lexi returns a half hour later…

"Father's here." She says. "Go, I will stay with him; he's waiting for you in my office."

I find my father standing by Lexi's window, looking at the first signs of spring. The trees are budding, ice has long melted away and life has come back, reminiscent of how I felt the moment my son was born.

"Hello father," I greet him.

"How is he, Elvis? How's my grandson?"

Just typical, I'm too tired to be upset that my son is really all he cares about. It's not a sign that he doesn't love, oh he knows how to love alright but that love only extends to his blood and not a drop beyond. I'm hurt at his neglect but I expected this. Nicole, next to Samantha is not a favourite of his; he's made his sentiments clear.

"Alexandra told me…about her (he looks strangely at me) how is my son?"

The words are stuck in my throat, too raw for them to find expression. I turn aside so he won't see me. My father hates the sight of tears, it's upsetting to him so I do my best to spare him and at this stage I don't need another one of his 'be a man' lectures or pep talks or whatever he calls it. I hated it when I was growing up and I'm sure to loathe it now.

"I'm fine father, I couldn't be better." I say.

"Elvis I am your father, tell me the truth!"

Yes…directly to the point, as always.

"What do you want me to say? My son is so small he barely fits in the palm of my hand. I can see his heartbeat through the light milky fabric of his skin; his mother is…his mother is…I don't know. I don't know if she still lives, Dr Monroe has disappeared. Lexi won't tell me and I know she knows something.

You may not like Nicole, father but I love her with my whole being. I can't imagine my life without her in it and I certainly cannot see my children growing up without their mother.

Do you want to know how I am…I AM ANGRY!

I'm angry at you, I'm angry at Nicole but mostly I'm angry at myself. I failed father. I failed you, myself. You told me to be cold, uncaring, to shut myself off from the world as I took what I wanted when I wanted. I was supposed to cut my heart out and bury it deep within where no light would touch it, I failed.

Light come into my life, I didn't know what to do with it. It confused me, taking me prisoner, lifting me to dizzying heights and following me into the bowels of the earth. Everything that was dead inside of me came back to life, just like that tree outside that window. Nicole came back into my life and I began to live again and I failed. I failed her. I failed my wife, my daughter and now I've failed my son.

I am angry, my light is fading and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it."

"Elvis…" he has no words, not of comfort, nothing.

"She's my wife damn it and I LOVE HER! That should be enough but it isn't, is it?

Sydney just got her mother back and my little boy, he may never grow to know his mother. Do you really want to know how I am doing…there you go!

I hate this place so much I…I can't describe it to you. These cold walls, I feel them crawling around my heart, crushing it by the second. I can't see past the red of the place where she lays right now, I can't think clearly, my mind is pressed from every side. Will you tell me everything will be okay, that the family I longed for my whole life will not slip through my fingers like grains of sand?

You can't do it, can you?"

"Elvis, you need to stop this right now. You are my son, a Dimera…"

"Oh yes I forgot, we command life and death at the drop of a hat.

I'm tired father. I'm just tired of it all, so forgive me for letting down the family name right now."

"We are DIMERAS, and we never throw in the towel as they say. YOUR wife is a Dimera! So stop this feeling sorry for your self; it is a sign of weakness. The man standing before me is not my son; he's a lesser image of the man I raised. Your wife and your son need you to be that man."

Father never fails to do what he does best. His words are cold comfort; they may be exactly what I need.

"You know you are right. I am my father's son and right now, that's precisely my family needs. I will be the man you raised me to become."

I walk up to him and kiss both sides of his cheeks and walk out.

"Elvis…?" he calls out to me but I don't answer.

In determination I head out the hospital, ignoring a puzzled Lexi by the nurses' station. She catches up to me, in the parking lot.

"EJ, where are you going?" she asks.

"There's something I need to take care of. Don't worry dear sister, I'll be back."

"That's not enough to stop me from worrying. I know that look; I know where you're going…please stay. Stay with your family, they…we need you here!"

"Take care of my son for me…"

"What about Nicole? Are you going to leave her at a time like this?" She blasts me.

I am stunned, she is right, I know it but I'm resisting the pull of her words.

"I'm leaving Lex…"

"What am I going to tell her when she wakes up?"

She's stabbing me with her words. They quicken the hope inside but I can't escape the heaviness.

"If Nicole had made it, Dr Monroe would have said…he would have said. His silence is deafening, I can't hear anything else."

"EJ, you are not thinking clearly, Nicole has not died. She's in there right now, doing all in her power to get back to you, so STAY, I'm begging you please!"

"I know you mean well but I'm sorry Lexi, I have to do this. I need to do this, for Nicole."

"NO, you don't!" She says passionately, holding my upper arms tightly as though that would make me stay.

"Goodbye Alexandra." I walk away from her.

"EJ…EJ…COME BACK…EJ…" her cry fades into the passing breeze.

She calls me on my cell phone but I don't answer. I know what she's going to say and I don't want to hear it. I cannot afford to listen to her reasoning. Lexi doesn't understand and she never will. So each time a call comes in I steel myself against it.

Some time later, I find myself outside a door; tapping gently. Soon enough it opens.

"Hello Samantha." I say without emotion.

"EJ, what…what are you doing here?" she's wary suddenly.

"We have some unfinished business to attend," I push into her loft regardless.

She's shocked to see me, it's evident. I'm the last person she thought would walk through her door.

"What can I do for you? You will have to be quick I'm rather busy." She says while quickly scanning the room.

I follow the direction of her eyes and note a dinner for one with a near empty bottle of Merlot on the table.

"…Bad time…?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm in no mood for company right now, especially you, so if you please excuse me?" she says while leading me to the door which she opens to let me out but I close it shut and turn the lock.

"EJ what do you want from me?" she asks failing miserably at masking the fact that I scare her.

"I think you know what I want Samantha. You know very well." I say standing over her.

She staggers over the furniture.

"No I don't know. I'm going to have to ask you to leave before I call 911," her threat loses all if it had any credibility.

I can see on her face, she's frightened, in fact more than just frightened. She should be. She started a war that she's clearly ill prepared to see to the finish. She's known me for so long; she's mistakenly thought me a friendly wolf, all cuddly and no bite.

"I've come to return the favour and some.

What was it you said…ah yes '…To spread the misery, the suffering and the pain as I am sure you both deserve to experience fully;' If my memory serves me correctly."

Her eyes are practically bulging out of their sockets, brimming with the imbibed alcohol, no doubt.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh but you do my dear and you thought you were going to get away with it too. You crossed me for the last time you little bitch and I am going to teach you a lesson you will never forget."

I move a little closer to her, she trips over some more of her useless clutter.

"You spoke those word to me and they've had quite an effect over my life I believe it is only fair to do unto others (you) as they (you) have done unto me…an eye for an eye, so to speak. Isn't that your motto?"

"Get away from me you bastard!"

"But Samantha we were so close just days ago. I just want to show you my…full appreciation the best way I know how." A rogue tear slips past my guard but I brush it away when I think of the full scale of what this woman before me has done…my son…my darling Nikki. I don't care if she sees me; in truth I want her to know the extent of her actions and their consequences.

"EJ please, you can't do this. You don't want to do this." her pleas fall on deaf ears.

My cell phone rings and rings, I ignore the call.

Samantha knows she's trapped, maybe if I do answer this call it will give her enough time to make stock of her pathetic existence. This delay may just work to increase her own anxiety; solidifying her fear that I want to boil to eruption. I stand between her and the door; she cannot and will not escape me!

There's another ring, it is Lexi, as I suspected. I answer this time.

"EJ, whatever you're doing right now stop it! Come back to the hospital…your family needs you here…EJ? (I'm silent)

Nicole made it through the surgery, she's okay…EJ can you hear me? I said your wife has come out of the surgery; she's awake and is asking for you…EJ?

I know the way you think, little brother. Going after Samantha will not solve anything. Your wife needs you; your children need you so get back here right now!

EJ…EJ…"

I cut her off. This news is too much for me to take but I remember where I am and it all comes flooding in. despite what my sister says. Getting rid of Samantha WILL solve all my problems. She is the cause of them to begin with.

I'm sorry Lexi…

Samantha tries to run past me, thinking that her shortened state will easily evade me she is wrong. I catch her by her dishevelled her and throw her against the wall. Her cry of pain only fuels my fire. She's seems drunk and I'm in a vicious mood already.

"You will stay put or so help me…all you had to do was walk away but you couldn't have that could you? You were so hell bent on making me as miserable as you…

So you broke into my home, drugged me and now Nicole is in the hospital because of YOU!"

"Please EJ, you don't want to do this." She says.

"How do you know what I want? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW, HUH? You waited until she came home, just in time to witness that SICK show you put on for her."

"I'm sorry…I'M SORRY!"

"Your apology is worth shit right now Samantha. The one person I love the most in the world, she…and now you really must pay. I've let go of so many of your transgressions for the sake of the children but NO MORE!

As of today, it all ends. You won't be able to hurt me or my wife any more than you already have but I will make sure that you never hurt my children ever again.

I am going to make sure Johnny knows what kind of a person you really are, whatever contact you had with him…it's all gone! You will never see him again. You will never speak to him again. You do remember how this goes? There will absolutely be no contact of any kind between you and my son as of today. No birthday card, no Christmas cards, no emailing or phone calls…NOTHING.

As far as you are concerned, you are dead to him and he is dead to you. You are no longer a mother to my son!" I say with much venom.

"Thank G*d Sydney no longer has to put up with your nonsense a second longer. We told her who her real mother was. And I swear I have never seen my little girl happier than at that moment. You are nothing but a bad memory and I will make sure Johnny feels the same way.

Your little plan to mess with my marriage crashed and burnt. Nicole trusts me, she knows deep down I would never betray her, which is more than I can say for you. You are nothing but a loser and I'll be damned if I let my son suffer any longer the misfortune of having you as a mother.

You wanted to destroy me, to hurt me in the worst way and you did but only just. I am here to do the same the difference is that I will finish what I start. As of today all my children have one mother. Nicole is his mother now, she loves him and he loves her. Before long he won't even remember your face.

I will make sure of it.

Don't even think you are going to sully my boy any longer, not even for your bloated teary goodbyes. You will never see him and he will never see you again."

"You selfish bastard," she lunges at me I throw her yet against the wall, harder this time.

"Don't you push me, Samantha…"

"Oh what are going to do? I'm not afraid of you Junior. You don't scare me." she says, taunting me.

My nerves are taut, the mere sight of her I'm certain will drive me to murder.

"Look at you, all pathetic. There's nothing you can do to me EJ and you know it. I can dance circles around you and you can't touch me." She dares step to me.

"The great EJ Dimera is not man eno…"

SNAP!

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUSH ME SAMANTHA!" I slap her so hard; she bounces off the wall behind her.

She pulls herself up, using the momentum to land her fist to my face…at least she tries to. I manage to catch her before making contact.

"Ooh I'm scared of the big bad EJ, picking on a small defenceless woman."

She punches me with her free but weak hand, kicking me in the groin. The pain gives her only a moment's reprieve. I'm able to catch hold of her but the scruff of her top and send her flying back to the same wall. My hand makes its way round her neck and begins to squeeze.

"You think I'm going to let this go…to let you go? You don't know me very well do Samantha? I am you living nightmare!"

"EJ…please…you…are…hurting…me!" she yelps like a mangy dog.

"I KNOW!"

Her hands are desperately trying to pry off mine. Her feet are barely touching the floor. I'm so focused on ending the life of the woman who wanted to rob me of mine.

"You're…killing…me!" she says, as I squeeze the last remnants of life from her. Her eyes start to roll to the back of her head…

The next thing I know a shocking pain to the left side of my head, it's sharp and I lose my bearings. She's hit me with the bottle and I trail of blood flows down my face, blinding me. I release her as I fall to the floor.

Samantha starts coughing, trying to breathe in as much air as she could from what I can hear. She steps over me and grabs her keys and heads out the door.

"Oh no, you don't," I say under my breath.

Moments later I am out the door. The elevator is already heading down; I assume she wants to get as far away from me as she can, so it will be the basement parking. I turn to the stairs and begin taking them three and sometimes four at a time, fighting to stay awake, fighting this wretched headache.

She won't get away.

By the time I burst through the doors, she's halfway to her car. I chase her down but I arrive too late. She manages to lock herself in the car, breathing as heavily as I am.

I stand between her and freedom.

"Open the door?" I ask.

"NO!" she says as she fumbles with the keys.

"You think you can get away from me? Samantha, there's no where to go, no where to hide from me…open the door?" I bring my emotions under control.

"Where will you go where I won't find you? So let's not waste each other's time…step out this car right now!

Open the door Samantha." I insist, moving to the side.

"NO!" She screams, still struggling to insert key to ignition.

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" I bang on her window.

That's when her engine came to life, literally burning her wheels trying to speed away.

"YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME, SAMANTHA!

DO YOU HEAR ME…I WILL FIND YOU! I WILL FIND YOU!"

The look in her eyes said it all, she heard me!

"Run Samantha, run as far as you can because when I catch you and I will, you won't live to see another day…I promise you that." I speak in to the empty lot.

My cell phone rings, the only sound heard in the belly of the building.

It's my sister and she is livid.

"Lexi…I'm on my way…please…not right now. I'll be there shortly. There's nothing to worry about. No, I didn't…I will see you in a bit."

I find my way to my car, ignoring all the gawking faces that pass by me. It seems the bloody shirt and bloodied face is making them uncomfortable.

Whatever…

Lexi meets me at the reception area.

"What the hell happened to you? No, don't tell me."

"Hello to you to dear sister.

How is Nicole, how's my wife doing? Take me to her now."

"She's fine but she won't be if she sees you like that. Come with me."

Lexi takes me to an empty stall where she begins to bath my face, removing some of the broken shards. Her silence is conflicted. I know what she's dying to ask but she fears the worst.

"Don't worry, I didn't kill her." I say, and I can hear her sign in relief.

"But I wanted to and I almost did, had she not clubbed me on the side of the head with a wine bottle."

"EJ…" she says, exasperated.

"She came after me…Nicole. I could have lost everything today because of that woman. I know how sensitive you can be Lexi but can you honestly tell me that if someone came into your home and threatened or hurt Abe or Theo, would you sit by and watch them get away with it?"

She's silent.

"I didn't think so.

Don't ask me to just walk away. SHE attacked me, MY FAMILY and I can't walk away from that. I won't!"

"Well I'm sorry but I don't want to lose my little brother. I know you love your family very much but how is killing Sami in their best interest if you end up in jail. Do you want to miss the best part of children growing up because you want to settle a score with Samantha Brady?

…Because that's exactly what will happen if you go down this path. Do you think her father or uncle is just going to let you alone when Sami suddenly shows up dead?

And what about Johnny, what were you going to tell him…I'm sorry I killed your mother?

Grow up EJ. You've been playing cops and robbers for such a long time you don't realise that it is YOU who will end up hurting your family the most.

It doesn't look like you are going to need many stitches, hold still…"

That's my sister, changing subjects just like that. I'm glad for it. I know she means well but I will deal with Samantha my own way.

I do as she says as she sticks a needle the skin just above my left eye.

"It won't leave too bad a mark. Are you sure you aren't experiencing any more symptoms. We can do a CAT scan just to be sure…" she says taking my face in her hands.

"Lexi I'm fine. It was a bottle not a ton truck. You worry too much, I'm fine." I reassure her.

Where is father?" I ask.

"He's keeping guard over the baby. I haven't been able to get him away."

She looks me up and down, "I've done my best. Aside from the blood on your shirt you look decent. It will have to do?"

"For what…?" I ask.

"To see Nicole of course," she says as she pulls me to my feet.

A minute later, I'm standing alone outside her door. According to Lexi, she's sleeping. I open the door and find that isn't true. Nicole is wide awake, sitting and father is here also. On closer examination, I see the baby is here too.

Neither occupant notes my presence so I clear my throat and two heads turn in my direction.

"I take that as my cue to leave. I will come back tomorrow to check on my grandson." My father says this in his typical authoritative manner that is never questioned.

"I can't wait…" Nicole says, but with a hint of sarcasm. "Thanks…again." she adds.

"It's nothing, you are his mother and he's my grandson. I will do anything for him."

I am curious to know what they are talking about but I won't ask. Nicole will tell me herself.

"Elvis…" my father says as he walks past me and out the door, closing it behind me.

"I'm not going to ask you where you've been…your face…your clothes; you're an open book EJ." She says then looks away.

I move closer to her and my son, she's stroking him the same way the nurse showed me earlier.

"I woke up and you weren't here…" she says without looking at me.

"I know…and I'm sorry.

I thought I lost you. The doctor said nothing would go wrong and when they realised what was happening and I couldn't get you to open your eyes. I lost it. They turned me out and I didn't know what else to do. I thought you'd d…it doesn't matter.

I am sorry I wasn't here for you." I say.

"Okay…" is all she says and for a while neither of us says anything.

"And Sami…?" she finally asks.

"She's gone, (Nicole's countenance drops).

If she knows what's good for her she'll stay that way," I add.

I see relief in her eyes. I'm suddenly relieved myself at the realisation that Samantha's blood was not spilt on the day of the birth of my son. I am far from being superstitious but killing that slut on this day would have robbed me and my family of the joy of bring my son into the world. Without intention, she would have had the last laugh.

In a strange way I am glad she got away…for now.

I sit where father had sat only two minutes ago. I watch my son and watch my wife who watches our son. She looks so tired; her skin has lost its glow…beautiful still. And even though she is sitting I can tell it hurts but she won't say anything. She just brushes his little body with the tips of her fingers, taking her time.

"Can you believe he's finally here? I feel like I waited for so long for this moment right here. I know he's tiny and all but he's perfect to me…beautifully perfect. The nurse said it was okay if I didn't feel like being near him, many woman are dejected after giving birth to preterm children. They are unable to bond with them because they look so different to other babies but how could I do that to MY son?

He needs me and I need him. Stefano had to convince the nurse to bring him to me thinking I was like those woman who initially reject their own. I wanted to scream when she told me it was okay not to want to hold him. I'm dying inside at the fact that they won't let me hold him; he's still too fragile and has to gain strength.

In a few days, I will be able to hold him close to my heart where he belongs.

How did I get so lucky?" she asks.

"No, it is me that is the lucky one. For the longest time I thought I was empty inside, I never imagined this moment. A beautiful wife by my side, children I adore more than life itself. You my darling sweetheart have given me the family I never I had, the family I dreamed and longed for.

Watching you in this moment I am content. You and the kids are my whole world and I will do anything for my family."

"…Anything?"

She looks me in the eye.

"…EVERYTHING!"

I kiss her gently on her forehead and then on her lips.

"I love you so very much right now…you and this little guy here."

"Speaking of, we never actually discussed names; for obvious reasons. While you were detained with business, I was thinking…"

"Yes?"

"I want to call him Adrian Antonio Dimera, is that alright with you?"

"It's perfect…he is perfect and you know what I think about you."

"No, tell me again…"

Amazing, beautiful, crafty, delicious… I go through the alphabet describing the woman she is to me, my every thing and so much more, I have to repeat myself.

"I love you Mr Dimera."

"I love you Mrs Dimera, keeper of my heart!"

14


End file.
